One day there was a man named Bert, but everyone knew him as Crispy Glover. He was an odd sort of bloke, as he took to wearing checked tutus and carrying bottles of wine. And not just any wine mind you, it was always red, with 10% more bubbles. One day Crispy was out wandering on a dark summer's night. He had become quite nocturnal in his old age. He often frequented cemetaries, hiding behind the tomb stones and jumping out dramatically, rolling and diving, like some kind of demented soldier. It was quite a sight to behold, it is not often you see a man in a checked tutu holding a bottle of wine, leaping and diving among graves. But he enjoyed it. It kept him fit.

It was on one of these particular evenings that Crispy, puffing and huffing after much rolling and diving, and sitting on a raised tomb stone, noticed an intriguing looking door in the side of a small hill in the cemetary. It must be one of those small mortuary type things, he thought, the ones the rich snobs always used. Picking up his bottle, he stood up, dusted off his dirty Doc Martens, picked the bracken out of his "Mr Fussy" socks and sauntered over to the door. There was a large rusty padlock on its handles. He banged it a couple of times experimentally. It held true to its nature, disallowing entry. Then, remembering he was wearing his other tutu, he reached within its folds and brought out his lucky skeleton key. How ironic, he thought. The key itself was quite unusual, bright metallic green, with the letters CG engraved in fancy script upon it. It was a gift from Auntie Gertie who had passed away in a tragic wheelchair accident. She was quite the locksmith. And as a lad Crispy was often losing his keys, so Auntie Gertie had made the key for him so he would only need a single key. At first you would think that he would have had more chance of losing it, if not for the fact that it was attached to a long chain welded to a heavy chastity belt that Crispy had been forced to wear as a child, and now rather liked the feel of.

He inserted the key into the padlock and turned. The lock opened with a small clink. He removed it, and opened the doors to the darkness that appeared before him....

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