Once upon a time there was a man named Bert, but everyone knew him as Crispy Glover. The kids knew him as 'Mummy Please Keep That Man Away From Me'. You see, Crispy was an odd sort of fellow, in that from an early age he had taken to wearing tutus, in particular checked ones. And he always carried around a bottle of red 10%-more-bubbles wine, which was very precious to him. On special occasions he would wear a hat adorned with large tropical fruits.

On this particular day, Crispy was taking a walk across the beach. He made sure he was wearing his bright pink rubber ring, just in case the tide crept up on him. He wandered over to the cliffs and gazed up at them. Seagulls were flying overhead. But then, as he lowered his gaze, he saw what appeared to be a very small cave entrance. Now, by now Crispy should have learned not to walk into places that are dark/blocked off/abandoned. But he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and so he marched confidently into the cave. He managed to get in because he was so amazingly thin. It was dark in the cave, but thanks to super-human abilities handed down to him from his mother's side of the family, he could see perfectly. His Auntie Gertie had also had this amazing ability, and other abilities as well, including the ability to derange a cat of 16 years! But alas, she had met with a terrible wheelchair accident at the age of 102. The good die young.

Snapping back to the present, Crispy ventured forward in the dank darkness of the cave. What he was hoping to find was anybody's guess, but he probably wasn't hoping to find anything at all. He just liked to be spontaneous. He suddenly slipped as the floor sloped beneath his feet! He fell down the stone slide, laughing slightly as he landed in ice cold, slimey water. Lucky he had his rubber ring. The rubber ring had been a gift from his aforementioned Auntie Gertie, just before her tragic passing. Horror struck Crispy as he realised his Doc Martens were so heavy they were pulling him under, overpowering the rubber ring!! He sank beneath the water and laughed slightly as he went.

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