uptown there's a woman girl who is sick of letting fate control her and tell her what to do and she has had it up to here with fate and with his ugly fat face she never liked him anyways. so she clomps down the stairs in her huge heels that are too big for her little girl feet cause in reality she's just a little girl in women's clothes so why does no one see? and why does no one come to be her mother and hold her hand and take care of her?

she takes the bus and an old man who smells like tuna stares at her the whole time. she has to grab at the seat with her long fake nails and try to hold herself in place whenever the bus makes a turn so she won't fall into his lap, right where he wants her. he has empty ugly eyes.

she gets off the bus and decides she wants pancakes. she remembers sunday mornings eating pancakes around the kitchen table and it was maybe the best time and the only time she felt secure. she sits in a noisy diner and orders a stack of pancakes. they taste sticky and gross. the syrup gets all over her face and then she knows she really needs a mother to wipe the syrup off with her spit and tell her it's all right and to stop crying cause everyone knows you shouldn't cry when you're walking down the street in BROAD DAYLIGHT strangers staring at you cause you look like a grown woman and you are crying but it's too late. stop crying. STOP CRYING.

but she can't, she stares out through watery eyes at all the people and she realizes everyone is ugly and sick and messed up and they all smell like tuna and they all stare at you when you're crying and none of them know that you're actually a child or that you're actually beautiful they're all just doing stupid things and walking around even though they should probably be at home knitting and baking cookies and telling their children bedtimes stories but they aren't and their children are outside scraping their knees and someday they will grow up to be just as messed up and ugly and now she doesn't even want to be here why is she here? she shouldn't be here, sitting on a bench in the park crying. and then it's like an earth quake or some kind of change come over her like something beautiful has just happened, she hears a voice like angels andd movie stars and jesus and music she hears a voice say "why are you crying?"

she looks up.