She's perfect.
Always has been and always will be.
The first daughter.
The oldest.
The smartest.
But then where does that leave me?

I'm not good at school -
Not like her -
The grades she so easily achieves-
The grades I could only dream to attain.

I'm not a singer -
Not like her -
The perfect soprano
Who knocked their socks off in New York
With you smiling at her from the audience
While I'm singing backup as an alto.

I live in her shadow.

Straight A's - don't I wish
Faithful friends - if only
Your praise - in my dreams
The bad constantly outweighs the good.

I sit here writing,
Stubby pencil in hand,
While you shower her with your good graces.

She's older. She's better.
Always has been.
Always will be.

Tears run down my face
But you don't notice.
I want you to hold my hand
But you aren't here.

I need someone I want comfort
All I crave is a simple hug.
Is that so much to ask?

I need to grow up
But I still long for your praise,
Which you give so willingly
To anyone but me

Hot, molten shame
Trails down my cheek
But I'm ignored
Once again

Sitting alone
Ostracized
But my happy mask
Doesn't let on.

If only you could see
It's not just pain you cause -
It's murder.

Cold blood runs through your fingers
As you squeeze the very life
From my still beating heart

No one knows
That I'm dead inside -
Maybe
If I'm strong, you'll finally be proud.

I know death isn't the answer
But it looks so appealing.
Just a void, with nothing to hurt me.

An eternity of purgatory
An endless, emotionless existence
The sheer blackness and nothingness

Finally,
A dream,
A sleep,
From which I hope never to wake

At last,
Peace,
Solitude,
Which I hope I never have to leave.

I want to end it
To escape this cold world I "live" in
The world you created for me
This pitiless hell that consumes me.

The knife winks at me
Enticing me
But if only -
If only I wasn't so scared

Afraid of what lies beyond.
Frightened by the pain.

I want to escape,
And yet I don't

Damn this confusion
That eats at my heart!

Damn this body
Which keeps my soul trapped here!

Damn it all!

All I want is escape
From this life in the shadows.

Be it the spotlight - Or death -

Let it come And take me away.