". . .one of the most extraordinary events in recorded history. For those of you just joining us, we are in hour six of our continuing coverage of an event that defies explanation. At six thirty five eastern time last evening, the very first worldwide sneeze occurred. Every human being on the planet- excluding, of course, those in comas and otherwise inhibited- sneezed simultaneously. Scientists are baffled by this seemingly supernatural occurance, saying that there is absolutely no explanation for something this bizarre. Many members of the church are calling it the first sign of the apocalypse, and the skeptics society is quoted as saying 'It's just a coincidence, we can't see what everyone's getting so worked up about.' The official statement from the Vatican: 'Gesundheit.' Meanwhile many are dead with many more in hospitals with concussions who, when the worldwide sneeze occurred, were in crowded streets and collided heads with many of the other sneezers in the vacinity. So to recap: everyone sneezed, no one knows why, I have absolutely no new information, they're making me stay here talking endlessly for God knows how long. Coming up after the break, we interview a man who claims that he did not sneeze along with the rest of the world."

"Nope," grunted an old man, "Didn't sneeze."

"You did so you big baby!" called his wife from the kitchen.

"Don't contradict me woman!"