"Yeah, Honey?"

"I'm gonna be the leader of the Mafia when I grow up."

"Okay, Honey, you do that."

This is so frickin fucked up. Why the hell did I have to move? I had friends...okay, so not really...but I had followers! I had a territory! I need to maintain my area! I'm a future mafia leader; I can't just let my parents destroy my life like this! I won't!

Damn the United States laws that say me a kid 'til I'm eighteen. Damn the fact that I'm penniless and my followers are penniless. Damn the fact that my parents are fucking rich and I need them to survive. Grr...the unfairness.

What? You don't feel my pain yet? Here, let me explain in more detail.

So I lived in New York City, the place with all the baaaaaaaaad people, and it was my dream ever since I was a munchkin (I'm addicted to that word, I swear! It's worse than any type of drug you can possibly come up with, more beautiful than any woman ever born! I'm hooked!), it was my dream to become one of those people that Jackie Chan fights in the movies! (Well, Rush Hour, at least...) I wanted to be in control, the big boss with the bad plans! I wanted to battle the FBI, and win! (Who says bad people can't win?)

It was kind of strange, the fact that my family was pretty rich and important...no, scratch that, very rich and important, and I, the only heir, wanted to be some mafia leader. But hey, my parents are cool with it. It's not like in the movies where they try to force me to become a doctor or some respectable shit like that. Can't say I want to spend the rest of my life under their roof, but I love them in my own way, since they're willing to understand my dream.

Going on. At age thirteen, my name, Lucifer C. Noir, was floating all around the rundown neighborhood a little ways from my own. Did I mention my parents are strange? Well, they are, if you can't tell from the name. C stand for Cain, by the way, and Noir is French for black. (It's too bad that I'm milky pale...would've helped me capture that neighborhood quicker if I were actually of the opposite skin color.grrr...the unfairness!) Sometimes, I wonder if they're Antichrist or something.

Well, anyway, so I spent every day down in the slums of that neighborhood and built relationships with all the hobos and stuff. At age fifteen, I became their ruler. What can I say? Bad people like me. Heh.

Shit, I'm almost late. Well, in a nutshell, my parents ripped me away from my precious kingdom of which I rule and dragged me here, to Los Angelos, for some dumb business of theirs, and now I have to stay here for a whole, fucking, year! (Yeah yeah, so Los Angelos is famous for crime, and the mafia is semi-located here...but New York! We're...badder there!)

You know, for all that money my parents have, you'd think they'd give me a lift to my high school (I AM SEVENTEEN! WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO LIVE ON MY OWN? WHYYYYYYYY?) in a limo or something, but no. Exercise is good for me, they say, completely disregarding the fact that I work out everyday of the week and am pretty well built. They made me walk. Grr...the unfairness!

And now, I have about one minute before the bell to my new prison cell (read: school) rings. Oh, and that's the tardy bell. Be damned if I actually run so I won't be late. I'm new! I have the right to be late! I am going to walk at my own leisurely pace until I reach those metal gates, slip right through them, march myself...

Crap! They're shutting the gates! Noooooooo!

"WAIT!" I scream, knowing full well that the gates are automatic and no one will hear me. Damn modern technology. Well, except "Microwaves". "Microwaves" are my friends.

Getting back on track, I am now standing in front of closed metal gates, so close yet so far away from that St. Mary's Academy.

It was then that I made up my mind.

I will conquer this school. I will make it my territory, and be boss of something once again. The students here will become my minions.

I mean, seriously, who shuts the gates in my faces? Me! I refuse to have something as dumb as being new stop me from taking over this place. It will take me one step closer to being the mafia guy. It is from here that I will start making business with all the 'big' guys, and then it's the country! Ha!

But first, I need to scale these gates.

It's really too bad that these aren't the ones with the bars that you can stick your feet through. Oh no, they're solid and smooth. Grr...the unfairness. I say that a lot don't I? I just noticed.

Anyway, I did the most sensible thing I could, the only thing, for that I matter; I walked a ways back, and ran at my top speed towards the gate again, attempting to jump over them.

Didn't work too well...I think I hurt my shoulder. Owwwwww. In fact, so immersed with my pain was I, that I didn't even notice the sound I made by ramming against the big metal things. I think the people inside did, though, because I distinctly heard someone on the other side say 'what the fuck'.

Ignoring them, I glared defiantly at the gates. How dare they! I...I will have them removed! I will not let them defeat me! I WON'T! I AM SUPER LUCI!

This time, I moved even further back, ran forward at an even faster speed, and hurled right over the thing.

Ha! Take that!

Did I mention that I don't usually think before I act? Because right now, I'm sort of hurtling through the air without any idea of what I was going to land on. Probably cement or concrete or something. Ooo...that's gotta hurt.

Nooo! Someone save me! I don't wanna die yet! I can't!

I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for impact. Five...four...three...two...

After waiting for about another three seconds, and feeling no pain, yet realizing that I've come to a stop, I opened my eyes just a tiny bit...

...And saw the scariest thing ever! EYES! Not just any eyes though, they were blue, and not just any blue either, they were a British blue. Oooo...pretty...

Ahem! And then I realized my predicament. I had not met with the hard concrete floor, had not broken my well-formed butt, and was currently residing safe and sound within the warm and comfy arms of this...guy. With eyes. Blue eyes. British blue eyes. Oooo...pretty...

But still, rather scary. He was fucking staring at me. Like, without blinking or anything. Just staring.

Well, damned if I'm going to back down from this fight. I stared back.

He continued staring.

I continued staring back.

Thirty seconds passed, and then suddenly...

...HE BLINKED!

I jumped down from his arms (dunno how I managed without kicking him in the jaws), and proceeded to do a victory dance (read: jiggle) before his pretty British blue eyes.

"You blinked!" I singed gleefully. "I won!"

Then I kind of noticed he was still staring at me. And I mean, staring like without amusement, or anger, or any sort of emotion at all. Just kind of the creepy I-feel-nothing type stare.

I stopped dancing, waiting for him to stay something.

"Did you," he finally said in a cold, emotionless voice, "just jump over that gate?

"Yup!" I replied, quite proud of my achievement.

Still, no surprise or anything of the sort showed as he just nodded, then turned and proceeded to march towards the building behind us. (I assumed it was the school or something.)

"Wait!" I called. No one turns their back on me! No one! And besides, I need to build connections, and he seems like someone I could use in my future following. Maybe as my sidekick or something.

He stopped moving, but his back was still towards me. Well!

"I'm Lucifer, and I just moved here! What's your name?"

Damn. I must be on a sugar high or something (Cinnamon Toast Crunch is really sweet), because that came out rather...perky. It was supposed to be mysterious, gruff, and all that shit.

Silence greeted my words, and the guy just kept on walking. What the hell?! Come back! Answer me, god dammit! Grr...how dare he...

Oh well. Just wait till I become the king of this school; I am soooo gonna kick your ass. Hmph.

But first, the principal's office.