AUTHOR: I must apologize if I haven't updated last week. The thing is, I lost my files "sighs". But hopefully I get to redo things again within this week. Anyway, about this piece, I just got it from my inbox. One of those so-called junk mails. I read it and thought that it'd be nice to post it here and to bring a little laughter to some. I'm not taking credit and I'm sure the original creator wouldn't mind, but it'd be really nice if you R&R it, pls.

Dedicated to Richard Lint, one of my dearest readers. Here's something to make you smile, even for a while. Hmmm, I'm hoping you choke with laughter on this though (lol, j/k).

MEN ARE. WOMEN ARE.

ON RELATIONSHIPS:

When a relationship ends, a woman cries till her tear ducts dry, yaks on and on to her girlfriends, writes a poem, listens to sad music, raids the shops at malls and goes on a full beauty make-over-all these in a month or less. Then she goes on with her life.

A man only reacts from 6 months to a year after break-up. This is the 3 a.m. drunken call he makes to his ex: I hate you, you ruined my life...Uh, maybe we can still work it out?

ON MATURITY:

Women take to maturity faster and earlier. A 16-year-old female can effectively care for an infant.

A 16-year-old male can make the family dog drink Vodka. That's why high school romances rarely work out.

ON PHONE ATTITUDE:

A man uses the phone only if he has something specific to say: "Dude, basketball. Tomorrow. Gym. 8 sharp. Bye." He delivers a short telegraphic message and hangs up after 6 minutes.

A woman doesn't need a particular reason to call a friend. She can visit her gal pal for a week and upon returning home, call the same friend and chat for three hours!

ON HANDWRITING:

Men's chicken-scratch handwriting gives us a headache.

Women's letters give men migraine: she uses scented and colored stationeries and dots her "Is" with circles and hearts. She writes to dump him and puts a smiley face or a sunflower at the end of the letter.

ON DIRECTIONS:

When a female driver gets lost, she stops at a gas station and asks for directions.

A male driver simply won't, even if a little voice inside his head is going, "Will somebody still see us alive?" He'll drive around for two hours trying to figure a way out.

ON PHOTOGRAPHY:

Men take photography very seriously. They shell out thousands of dollars for state-of-the-art cameras and other equipment, build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women buy Kodak disposable cameras... and end up taking better pictures.

ON BOXING:

Observe a couple watching a boxing match on TV. Red boxer knocks Blue boxer down and the wife says, "Dang, it must be painful." Her husband groans, doubles over and actually feels the pain.

ON VANITY:

Men are vain. They check their reflection on mirrors every chance they get.

Women will check themselves out on shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, silver balloons, store windows, some guy's baldhead.

ON TOYS:

Little girls love toys but outgrow them at age 11 or 12.

When little boys grow older, their toys just get more expensive, not to mention SILLY and IMPRACTICAL - mini TVs, car phones, VIDEO GAMES!

ON DRESSING UP:

Women will dress up to go the mall, beauty parlor or even the grocery store at the corner. Men dress up for weddings.

ON HYGIENE:

A man has 6 items (toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream, soap, shampoo) in the bathroom.

A woman has 247, including such indispensable products as hypoallergenic facial hair removing cream, dramatically different and non-fragrance clarifying lotion #10 and apricot scrubs!!!

ON EATING OUT:

When eating out, men will each throw out large bills. No one has a smaller bill and some unlucky guy would end up paying just so they can get out.

When women dine out, as soon as the check arrives, out comes pocket calculators!!

ON TRAVEL:

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack for 5 days worth of clothes and he will wear some things twice.

A woman will pack 21 changes of clothes coz she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

ON RESTROOMS:

Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons.

Women see restrooms as social lounges.

Men in a restroom will not speak to each other.

Women who have never met before will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends.

****** And NEVER in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant by saying, "Dude, I got to pee. Will you go with me?"