| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
Your work is trivial and description needs to be worked on, your characters are under developed and this story has no flow. Also its to confusing, sometimes you don't know where you are or who you are. Its shit but there is some talent, work much harder and try and develope your writing skills, in 4 years I might be able to call you mediocure.
This is a review I got. I dislike swears and flames. I said first chapter that I was unsure of putting this up, and I wanted constructive criticism, not swearing and hearing my work is, oh, how do they put it? "Shit?" For one thing, grammar is always useful in flames, to be proper, spell 'mediocre' and 'develop' correctly, when in the phrase 'its' it really should be "it's" and "too" instead of "to". 4 YEARS? I have been working on this for about 5! You have a problem with my characters? Fine, that's your problem. Characters can take a chapter or two to develop thank you very much. But no. and my story has no flow? How about true love coming out of hate? It's a cheesy romance, but it has flow. Please don't flames me like that again should you choose to read the next chapter. If you do read the next chapter, and swear again, I will be very mad.
To all my other reviewers? Thanks for the feed back. I will try to explain stuff in this chapter, and be forewarned, it gets a little bloodier for this chapter. (I cut out a chapter for now; maybe I'll put it back in later or something.) Actually, I'm so ticked right now, I'm just gonna explain what the portals are. I can hardly write the next chapter. my hand is shaking in anger
The Portals: (The short definition)
The portals are a set of gateways leading to different worlds. They
reside within a tree (yes, a tree) and there are 13 of them at the moment,
for earlier there were fewer and more will soon come. There are names for
all of them, but few know the names because some don't even bother to leave
their own portal. The different portals are represented by a doorway with
a crystal on top of its portal, a different hue or color for each one. The
Kings and Queens all reign over these portals and they are divided into
their own sections, so it is possible for a King to own a portal with a
King who also owns it as well. That's confusing, so why marriages? I
mean, royal marriages, ones with the Prince to the Princess? In order to
gain more territory of course. It is a long standing dream to have one
person alone reign over all the portals, but it shall never happen. The
evils in the portals all guarantee it in all forms, and it's a never ending
cycle of blood, torment, violence, and minor interludes of peace. That's
why all royalty in the portals are allies of sorts.
Still confusing?
Well, I suppose so. To sum it up, they are gateways; there are 13,
which mean there are thirteen worlds to go to, and numerous royalties to
deal with. You already met the evils, and you'll meet them again next
chapter, with a little more. torture? If you really are confused. I'll
have to work on that for the next chapter or something.
A/N: Would someone tell me what a Beta is? I seem to need one, and I don't know what it is. HELP!