I don't understand myself, my mood changes with the moon. Maybe my problem is I think too much? All choices come with consequences, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, right? So if you’re unaware of consequences then you believe that your choice is free from any reaction. You don't see what’s coming before it hits you in the face. But if you’re unaware of what’s happening then you can't be sad or happy about it. So doesn't that mean that ignorance is bliss? I used to think that would be quite possibly the worst thing in the world, not to know. To have things happen right behind your back that you had no control over. I mean what if I was just another joe shmo in the cities, I’d do whatever I was suppose to do and conform with society, I wouldn't know any better so I wouldn't think that what I was doing was anything less than what I could be doing. I wouldn't know how much potential lies within myself. All of the different things I could do with my life, all the places I could go, and all the people I could meet, and all the emotion I could feel. But instead I would think that my life is just fine, plain and OK, no, wait I wouldn't. I wouldn't think at all because I wouldn't have my own thoughts, I wouldn't have my own words, I’d just be doing what everyone else was doing and just following them. Monkey see monkey do. For a while tonight that was my wish, I seriously wanted to just do away with everything I have going for me, just so I could not think about everything all the time. There is a saying that goes something like "You may think you’re alone, but someone, somewhere feels exactly like you." That quote is totally bogus, seriously. First of all, why do I care if someone feels exactly like me if I will never know them and never be able to contact them? But wait, that is totally irrelevant because no one feels the exactly same way as me. It is just logically impossible. Sure people can empathies with one another and people can talk to each other and share their feelings, but to know something and experiencing the same thing even though you might think they are equal are totally different. And then what about experiencing and sharing at the same time? You see there are so many different degrees of human emotion. Raw emotion, that is what I feel tonight, it pours though my veins as the blood rushes out. On the floor I lay, completely intact but completely destroyed, completely broken down. I am in my most raw form possible. As I lay helpless on the floor there is light, there is hope. The one thing that will always shine in my heart, hope. Is the one feeling I will never lose. My hopes and my dreams surround me, intertwined with everything in my life that I love. A basket of weaving, I can put all my trust in it. It is what lifts me up from the depths of hell and what revives me when I have fallen. Down and down I may fall, never hitting the bottom, I can see what lies there, but it will always be out of reach. However, somehow I know where it leads, I know what it is like down their even without being. With the knowledge of what is I have the strength to carry what will be.