I sit here and cry. "Why?" some people ask. I cry because people don't understand me. I feel as if they never will. I have always had problems such as this. The question, "Why me?" comes up quite a bit. Two boys have entered my life, and twice my heart has been broken. If there ever is a third boy, will I let my heart open up to him?
I used to have a shoulder to cry on, and he says the shoulder is still there, but things aren't the same. I know what it is like love someone, and not loved in return. It really hurts. It feels as if someone has shoved a giant sword into my heart, and every day it goes a little deeper, and the cracks go wider and wider. My heart is being torn open, and I try to keep it to myself.
I tell you I know what it is like to love and not be loved back, but I also know what the opposite feels like. I know what it is like to not love, but am loved in return. I know how it feels to break someone's heart, but know that it was the right thing. I have learned that fairy tales don't come true.
I sit here and cry, not for me, but for everyone who has known me. I cry because I have hurt them. I have insulted one of my best friends in a way that she will never forgive me, and I have permanently changed another. When I have bad days, I have a bad habit of making sure everyone around me shares my bad day. I cry because of this.
I cry because I have a little brother that both looks up to me, and hates me with every fiber of his being. I will never forgive myself for not being the big sister that I should have been. I try to be a good example for him. I try to make great grades, be in extracurricular activities, and to be respectful to people. I don't do good enough of a job though, and he hates me. I argue over the smallest of things with him. "Why?" I will never know.
I cry for every hurt person out there. I cry for every hurt soul that wants nothing more than to be liked and loved. I cry for those like me who want to fit in. And, I cry for myself, for the failure that I am, all though I have succeeded in so much.