Don't Want You Back

by Katherine Chan

A child tells of her pain. Don't read this as a plea for help either. I'M NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!

Rated PG-13 because of coarse language, depression, hinted suicide.

v.v r34|_|_y ¬ |-|4ppy v.v

Somedays, you just feel like dying. Like, nothing's gone right for the last frickin' MONTH, and you've just realised, because you'd gotten so USED to things not going your way. Such an unhappy epiphany.

You just sit there, realising that everything's just gotten worse, that while you were thinking 'It's all gonna be fine', you'd stepped into a pile of dog s**t 'cos you weren't looking.

Think about it. It's all happened to MOST people out there. Maybe even you. Just think of that pain, and imagine it being 50 times worse. 'Cos that's the hell I'm going through right now.

Nothing's been right for the last three and a half years. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. And all-those-other-words-out-there-which-have-become-a-synonym-for-my-name. Boffin. Loser. Nerd. Loner. Geek. Ugly.

It's not like I can even be those things without failing. Like, still a geek but never winning an academic prize. Still a loner but always hopeful that someone out there wants to be my friend.

Just great. I can't even be good at being a loser. Not really in the middle either. How'd you like it if you were stretched from one end of the spectrum to the other? Painful, dontcha think?

Maybe you're starting to get an idea about what I'm like. Not very positive is it? Had a bunch of people tell me 'Be positive!' Guess where that got me? From one pile of c**p to another.

What changed? It'd been all 'happy-go-lucky' a few years ago, so 'I'm-smart-and-I-have-friends!' A change of school. Students who'd been friends with other students for years. Spoilt brats that hated change.

It's not like anyone I know now cared at all. Ever. They're all so happy, they don't want this pool of darkness around. They don't want this hopeless and 'clueless' case ruin their picture-perfect lives.

'F**k you' is what I say. Leave me alone. Just LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!

I don't need you to play that f**king 'spying' game. Don't you realise that other people have feelings too? How'd you feel if you were always alone, and someone you'd thought had been a friend came up to you at lunch, and pretended to be your friend? Pretended so well that you thought that you had a friend, that you could confide in someone. Then they'd up and go, tell your secrets to the wind.

Cruel, harsh games. I'd rather be bullied the way boys do it, punching each other up. At least the damage caused then can heal. At least people will listen to you when you say you're being bullied.

'Oh, they're just being silly, dear. Just ignore them, and they'll go away.'

Yeah right, when David Hasselhoff is elected king.

They'll all be like: 'She was such a gifted child with so much potential-'

In other words, I never won anything.

'...with so much potential. She was such a sociable girl; she knew practically everyone in the entire school-'

Mainly 'cos they were all picking on me.

'...entire school. I've heard many a student talk of her highly-'

Sarcastically. Oh the cruelty of it all. Good thing this is all going to be gone. No more torture. No more being labelled a geek but sometimes not even passing. No more being laughed at during lunch-time.

{...F**k what I said,

It don't mean s**t now...

Don't want you back...}

Don't want you back, Tracey. Don't need you back either, David. F**k you all, I'm leaving.

v.v r34|_|_y ¬ |-|4ppy v.v

Kit-C

7|-|3 5|-|4|)0\/\/

K.3.D

For all you frigging b****hes out there. Think again before you pick on someone, 'cos you're doing them more harm than you're getting kicks out of it. I swear, if I see another child being picked on like that...

Also, the names are just... names. Just names, with no faces attached to them. No emotions. No strings. Just... a name. Labels... Neutral ones, that is. Not those OTHER ones...

That music quotation... From 'F**k It (Don't Want You Back)' by Imon (sp?). Dun kno how 2 spell his name...