CHAPTER ONE

My life has always been a little weird, well not just a little. But last year things got really weird for me, I mean I use to always think of myself as a loner. I knew people that I talked to once in a while but no real friends. I really just lied to you all, even if I like to think of myself as a loner I'm not. But I am alone, so like I was saying last year things really got weird in my world. Love, Sex Death everything that makes for a good story and after it all started it would never end. I remember the night it all began I was lying in my room watching the flame on a candle do it's little dance when I was startled by the phone. It was late so I knew who was calling, it was Johnson of course. Johnson was s stupid little bastard who could never take the hint that he was not wanted but I humored him anyway. 'What?!' I yelled into the phone as I picked it up. 'Hey Chief' Johnson replied in a happy upbeat voice, he was surprising we awake for this hour but then again so was I. I blew out the flame so I could sit in the dark and listening to whatever trivial problems he had that night. He always came to me with his problems and I would always try to help him out, I'm not to sure why but I felt bad for him. He was a lost soul in this great big world just like me so I took pity on him birds of a fetter I guess. He said 'I'm in love man, I mean real love' he sounded like a real love sick bastard and nothing pissed me off like love. Why did love piss me off you might ask, well I'll tell it's cause I was jealous, jealous of everyone who was lucky enough to have someone in their life. So this poor fool went on about some young girl that had stolen his heart when they met at some kind of pot smoking party, the kind I would never be got dead at. I sat and listened to him for several hours as he went on and on asking me if he should tell her how he feels or not, what would he do if she didn't love him. 'Tell her how you feel you dirty jackass and leave me the hell alone.' I told him I needed to get some sleep but he didn't want to let me go so I just hung up on him then I smiled a bit cause I knew the phone was about to ring again. I picked up the phone and what did I hear but Johnson's voice saying one of nastiest thing's that could be said. 'I'm fucking my cat' right then I unplugged the phone and crawled under my covers to catch a few Z's before the horrible next day.

Sometimes I like to stay up all night, just because there is no point in getting up the next morning. I hate waking up, it all seems so pointless. I sometimes like to think that dreams are the real world and this one we live in...is just.....just a dream. Or maybe it's a nightmare. I awoke the next afternoon to the sounds of the voice of my good old friend Christian who was more of a apprentice then a friend, I felt he looked up to me, me being a year older and all. Christian was a real skinny and tall bastard with a big nose and a head shaped like a penis and for some reason I really wanted to help this kid, he was another one of them lost souls and I felt it was my duty to show him the way, even if I didn't know it myself. He sat down on the edge of my bed dressed in a heavy black coat it being the dead of winter and all and I still laid under my covers, 'Did you go to school today?' he asked as he looked down at me of course my answer was no, it always was. I didn't go to school much in those days I really felt no need for it I was perfectly happy with wasting my days away. Christian made the suggesting that we head out for the playground witch was a fine spot for us to go and chat and just do nothing but relive our youths. By the time we got to the playground it was already dark out but that's really the way I liked it. Christian spun me around on the merry-go-round as we chatted about how his life was going. I liked hearing about other people's lives since nothing went on in mine, Christian talked about his girlfriend at his school for the arts and much to my displeasure that his father planed on moving soon. I would lose my apprentice. if that happened and then I'd have to find another one. I hopped off the merry-go-round and just started looking up at the stars, Christian eminently joined me. 'What are you looking at?' He asked 'Just the stars' I replied 'Just the stars' My eyes began to tear up as I stared deep into the starry night, I was thinking about how I was so alone in my miserable life, even if Christina was standing right next to me I was still very alone. I wanted some one special to look at the stars with me, I wanted some one to hold and to kiss and to just be with for the rest of my days. Christian started talking to me but I paid him no mind until he gave me a little shove and broke my trance. 'What?' I asked in a low toned voice. 'What's the matter?' he asked me, What was the matter? He could not possibly understand what was the matter but I told him anyway and he claimed he could help. Ha I say Ha no one can help me no one at all I am doomed to spend the rest of my life in self-pity praying for death to come. Oh well... I really do love looking up at the stars. There is just something about it. Maybe it's just the Sci-Fi geek in me, you know the one that everyone has. The one that just wants to blast off to another world. When I can't look at the stars I look at my ceiling, just sit in the dark and look up at me ceiling, witch was the perfect way to end this night.



Although my peaceful sleep was ruined by that slimy bastard Johnson. I didn't have energy to deal with this winy dick and his problems, not tonight anyway. I answered the phone and heard this loud shrike and then Johnson's voice as he said: 'What's doing chief?' I replied: 'Leave me be, not tonight I don't want to talk.' So of course he had to know what was wrong with me he kept asking and asking and I finally gave in and told him. 'I'm depressed cause I don't have anyone to love, to be there for me, someone special in my life. Happy now?' That bastard chuckled and then said: 'Don't worry buuudddy I'll hook you up with someone real nice.' Great I thought now this ass is going to be fucking around with my love life or lack there of. I thanked him and got him to let me go back to sleep but that was too good to be true cause shortly after I hung up with him the phone rang again but much to my surprise it was a female voice on the other end.



This female said her name was Mary and seemed to be a friend of little old bastard Johnson. She had run off to his house to escape her horrible father but she didn't want to go into that too much so I just let it drop. I can't even remember what we talked about it was so long ago or at least it seems as if it was. Johnson screamed like an idiot in the background as I used the old sweet talk on this fine female, I had not many chances to use this sweet talk before, maybe once or twice so I was surprised at how well it seemed to be working. She enjoyed talking to me or so she said so I gave her my number before we hung up after we were off the phone I unplugged it and try to get back to sleep. I never really knew many girls. I'm not that great looking of a guy. I knew this girl would never call back, I mean that's just how my life was. At least that's how I thought things worked, I guess I was a little wrong, But nothing really works out for me in the end anyway, as you will see. I woke the next morning and spent some time rolling around under my covers trying to fall back asleep. Finally I pulled the covers off my head and sat at the edge of my bed, my feet hanging off. I was dressed in the same dirty clothes from last night and had not yet bathed. I picked up a notebook from the floor and flipped through till I found a page that was blank, I pulled out my trusty pen clicked it once and got ready to write but nothing came out. I had been suffering from writers block for quite awhile witch was a damn shame cause I always thought of myself as kind of a writer.

This day would prove to be somewhat interesting as I was visited by a friend who went by the name of The Jew. The Jew was a average sized jackass with a short military hair cut and horrid teeth always dressed in really dirty of cloths. I called him the Jew cause that was what he was and it was not that I had hated Jews (not right then anyway ) but it was funny to me being that I knew no other Jew at the time. So The Jew stopped by in the late afternoon after he had got home from his hard day of school and asked me to venture out with him to a friend's house, a young female friend. So we left immediately and started on the some what long walk. We moved slow, it was mostly me being that I was quite fat back then and am not exactly a stick figure now. When we reached the block he said she lived on we stopped at a small corner store named "PACKING STORE" Probably named for the Pakis that ran it. So we stop there as The Jew decided it be quite the laugh if he purchased a condom, so that he did he also got some gum for me and him. We walked out of the store then across a street and then stopped at the next corner where The Jew made a cell phone call to his female friend who later I learned was named Jen. We met young Jen who was a couple years younger then me witch made her about thirteen then, at the corner. She was a round girl with a head that didn't seem to match he body she was cute in an odd sort of way. I remember for some reason that she was barefoot the day we met witch struck me as odd being that it was clod out and all. She wore very baggy pants and dressed somewhat like a skater but it was clear a girl of her weight could not skate. The Jew and her made with mindless chit chat with did not interest me at all, one thing that disgusted me was the way The Jew continued to grope her private areas. She began to get sick of this you could tell but she didn't seem like she had it in her to tell him to stop, so she just pulled away from him and tried to make the chit chat with me so I played along. I went in to the old sweet talk and asked her if she had a boyfriend she answered no saying 'Nobody would ever go out with me I'm to ugly' I smiled at her and replied

'Now that's just not true I would surly go out with you giving the chance.' This I did not really mean at the time but wanted to make her feel a bit better she being so down on herself about her looks witch weren't all that bad. She seemed to be very sloppy witch could be a problem and I will go into that a bit later. The Jew then chimed in that we had better be going before Jen's father got home witch Jen quickly agreed with, so we said our goodbyes and The Jew gave her one final pinch on the old buttocks and then we were off. On the walk home we talked about Jen a bit and how she was not allowed to date, well not The Jew anyway. The Jew said they had dated a bit but her father was a nazi or something and didn't like him. I thought 'Maybe he didn't like you cause you can't keep your hands to yourself you damn bastard' Then there was silence for a little and then out of nowhere I said 'She's cute, but she doesn't think so does she?' I got The Jew off guard with that question after a sec he said 'What makes you say that?' I smiled and replied 'I call them as I see them' and then it was back to our silence. When I'm around people I get feelings. Like I'll get a bad feeling around a bad person or a good one around a good person. I can do it if someone is a lonely person or a phony person. I think most people can do that. You know read vibes, that's what I call it. I say I can read vibes and anyone can so it's really no big deal. But most people don't do it so really maybe they can't. I don't know, if people can do it they don't. I wonder why they don't. Maybe scared or maybe they just can't and it's that simple.