Confessions of a Cutter

I want to cut.

I want to hurt.

I want to bleed, bathing my sins in blood.

I want the pain to grow and intensify as

The razor cuts across my soft skin.

I want the smile to appear on my face as

The blood gathers and runs down my leg.

My arms.

My stomach.

My body.

I want to wince as I tattoo a deeper scar along my tainted body.

A continuing record of emotions

I have not yet learned how to manage.

I want to feel something

To know I'm alive.

Though I wish I was dead.

Then I couldn't feel at all.

I want to numb the pain.

My heart races

And adrenaline is pumped through my body

Creating euphoria.

The first one is sometimes hard to break.

But once I dive in.

Indulge.

The damage is done.

I slice more and more

Until my skin swells

Pink and bloody.

Reflection

Of myself through the blood.

Smile and breathe

Release is finally

Here.