The Good Girl

Alexandra felt the eyes long before she heard the whispers. Accusing stares burnt holes in the back of her spotless uniform. Alex, as she liked to be called, wanted to run and hide, but she calmly walked to the end of the hall, ducking into an empty bathroom. Carefully making sure there were no girls in the stalls, she locked herself in one and sat down. The hot tears Alex had been fighting for so long finally came crashing down. She let her books slide to the floor, and rested her head against the cool wall of the bathroom stall. Sobbing until she felt weak, Alex thought back to just how things had ended up this way.

It had seemed innocent enough at the time. A couple of senior girls in her honours physics class had invited her to a party that Friday. Anxious for any kind of social activity, Alex shyly agreed to come. When she arrived that night, already the house seemed to be overflowing with a whirling mix of teenagers. Looking around for a familiar face, Alex spotted her cute biology partner, Ryan. Smiling, he waved to her and offered her a drink. Alex was scared of looking childish, so she boldly took a sip of the murky substance. Resisting an urge to spit out the incredibly strong drink, Alex grinned, her eyes watering.

“It’s great !”, she shouted over the pounding music, “Thanks !”

“No problem,” Ryan yelled back, “Come on, let’s go dance !”

Ten songs and three drinks later, Alex tried to steady herself as she searched for a bathroom. The floor kept tilting to one side, and the faces she saw swam in and out of focus. The last thing she remembered were strong arms around her before she blacked out.

The next morning found Alex tangled up in her smelly clothes, lying in bed with her feet on the pillow and her head under the blankets. She woke with a groan and shielded her eyes from the sun. A million questions swarmed through her aching head. How did I get home ? What happened ? Why do I hurt ? Alex was scared by the dull ache between her legs, but passed it off as another drunken bruise. Stumbling off to the shower, she soon lost all worries as the hot water enveloped her.

The shrill ring of the bell brought Alex back to the present. She mindlessly wiped the tears from her face and sighed, wishing she could go back in time and refuse that fateful drink that had changed everything.

The days following the party had been a nightmare. School was horrible. Everyone seemed to be talking about her - she caught the giggled whispers and barely disguised gossip in the halls and classrooms. She noticed that even Ryan, the closest thing she had to a friend, refused to even make conversation. The worst thing was that she still had no idea what had happened at the party. One day, while Alex was in the library, she overheard the conversation of two girls in the next aisle, unaware of her presence.

“So, did you hear about that Pinsent girl ?”, said one girl excitedly.

“You mean Alexandra ? I heard a little, what happened ?”, questioned her friend.

“Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it. First she gets totally smashed, like, falling all over the place. She was dancing like an idiot and being totally obnoxious. Then she gets all cuddly with that Ryan guy, and they end up going up to some bedroom. Apparently, they got it on, but I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, look at her ! She was totally desperate !”

The two girls laughed viciously and left the library. Alex slid to the floor in shock. Everything finally made sense to her. The arms around her, the stares, the gossip. The pit of her stomach felt icy as she realized that she was late this month. It couldn’t be ! But, deep in her heart, Alex knew she was probably pregnant.

After school that day, Alex had gone alone to the doctor’s office, nervously sitting in the crowded waiting room, flipping through outdated magazines without reading a thing. She left, an hour later, the cold words of the harried doctor echoing through her mind - ‘Your pregnant, Alex.’ She sat there in disbelief, too shocked to even cry. The drive home was a blur. Letting herself in through the back door, Alex distractedly walked to the kitchen. Her dad sat there, eating takeout at the table. Opening the fridge, Alex was stumped with telling her father. Why should I even bother ? Not like he cares about me anyway. Her mother had died in childbirth, and Alex had always felt that her dad blamed her for her mother’s death. Grabbing a can of pop, Alex hurried back to her room without hearing a single word from her dad. Sitting alone in her room, no friends to call and no mom to talk to, Alex felt completely along in the world. She thought of the tiny life growing inside of her, and fresh tears came to her eyes as she realized she had no choice. What would I do with the baby ? Dad would disown me. Her mind made up, Alex crawled into her bed and cried herself to sleep.

Voices echoing through the small washroom made Alex sit up with a start, and a glance at her watch told her that she had now missed three classes. Hardly caring, she waited until the room was empty again before blowing her nose and coming out of the stall to look at her reflection in the mirror. From the pictures she had found in her dad’s closet, Alex knew what her mother looked like, and could see she had inherited most of her looks from her mom. Long, rich black hair fell almost halfway down her back, and light, misty green eyes highlighted her pale skin. She blinked back tears at the thought of her mother, and smiled bitterly at her fate. History really does repeat itself. Except this time the mother has killed the child. Alex felt light-headed as she remembered the events of today’s early morning.

Alex lay back on the crackling paper of the stiff clinic bed. She ignored the cold ball of nerves in her stomach and tried to take slow breaths. The doctor had said he would be right there. She had hardly listened to the man as he had quickly explained the procedure to her. Since she was not very far along, the doctor had chosen to perform a manual vacuum aspiration. The thought of suctioning out her unborn child made Alex feel nauseous, but she knew she had no choice. The doctor and a young nurse came into the rom, carrying several strange looking pieces of equipment. The doctor explained to her that they were going to dilate her cervix, and then use suctioning equipment to get the fetus out. Alex felt sick. She squeezed her eyes shut as they went to work, and felt gripping pain shoot through her abdomen. This is definitely not part of the procedure, she thought with panic before blacking out. She woke up in the recovery, and left quickly, despite cautions from the nurse about going back to school so soon.

Sharp twinges brought Alex back to the present, and she sat down again on the cold bathroom. Through the fog of pain and dizziness, she heard a gentle voice. “I love you Alexandra...I love you.” Embracing the sound of what she knew was her mother’s voice, Alex slid onto the cold tile floor and shut her eyes, feeling herself waver in and out of consciousness. She heard another bell ring distantly, and one final thought echoed through her hazy mind. I’m going to be late...good girls are never late for class...