I used to wonder,
Why does it hurt?
It was such a smile thing,
Such a small word.

I used to hate,
The tears down my face,
Why were they there?
Why did they trace.

I hated the long nights,
The reckless sleep,
My eyelids would drift of,
But my mind would peak.

My conscience would nag,
Why do I feel guilt?
He's in the wrong,
But I hide under my quilt.

I used to feel nothing,
I was worthless in all ways,
Even my talents subdued,
I hated this long faze.

Why did I not bother?
With the things I loved to do,
It took to long, there was no point,
I didn't even bother with you.

Anxiety would haunt,
My every corner I turned,
Why did I worry about nothing?
Even the small things I heard.

Why did I not eat?
I had no appetite,
Only sugar I did want,
Yet I still put up a fight.

I didn't want to hold you,
Nor to kiss your mouth,
I didn't want to 'play',
I didn't care what you were about.

Why did the pain come?
To within my caged bones,
Why did it ache so much?
Why my life I wanted to lone?

Why can't I concentrate?
On anything I do?
Why am I failing at school?
Is that normal to?

Why must my body ache?
To pick up that bladed knife,
I may not be suicidal,
But I can still hate my life.

Why do I go through with this?
When I cannot see the end?
Maybe it's by my own hand,
Or maybe I'm meant to defend.

By Siobhan
Date: 6/april/2004