"What's your problem today?" Jesse asked, studying my face, as if I
was about to explode. I probably would if he kept bothering me. Just,
because I wasn't perky and annoying like his new girlfriend, didn't mean
there was a problem or that something was wrong. Why wouldn't he just back
"I have no problems, I'm perfect." Sarcasm, as usual. It was a
defense mechanism, what good did it do to talk about my problems? Nothing
good happened when you told your problems, it just meant showing everyone,
exposing them, which sometimes hurt worse.
"See, that's what I'm talking about, you're being a total bitch
"Bitch?" God, why couldn't he just back off? Did he really want to
know why she was being like this? Did he even care?
"Jaz, what's wrong?"
"You! Why can't you just back off? I said I was fine, and I didn't
want to talk about it, so why are you pushing?"
"I'm your friend, that's what friends do."
"No, friends back off. A friend would understand that I need space. "
"How much space, Jaz? You want to stop being friends, because that's
the way you've been asking? Is that it, you want to stop being friends,
"Well, you'd get more time with Emily, wouldn't you? Isn't that
what's important, Emily, perfect Barbie doll Emily?"
He stopped, shocked, our voices had escalated to shouts and we were
both out of breath. His face was red and he looked confused.
"Emily? What does Emily have to do with this?"
"Nothing." I turned to walk away, embarrassed and pissed off all at
the same time, I had to escape.
"Jaz." He caught my arm and tingles ran through my entire body. Why
was I feeling like this? It was just Jesse, my friend Jesse, who always
treated me like one of the guys. Maybe, that was the problem, I was just
another guy, I wasn't anything special, definitely not girlfriend material.
But Emily, perfect blonde, skinny Emily was. Frustrated I was jealous I
tried to break free. "Jaz." His voice was commanding.
I turned to face him. His perfect chiseled face, his perfect blue
eyes, his perfect sandy blond hair, his gorgeous smile, he was the perfect
Ken for Emily, the perfect Barbie. Where did I fit in? I had brown hair,
wavy, to Emily's straight hair. I had green eyes to her icy blue. I had a
pale complexion, while she had tan, like Malibu Barbie. I wasn't chubby,
but I wasn't a stick figure with gigantic boobs like Emily, I was just
plain. Nothing special, nothing to make me more than a guy to him.
"Are you jealous?" The way he said it, something about it, maybe the
way his mouth was turning in an amused smile, set me off. "You, Jasmine
Stone, jealous of Emily? A cheerleader?" I snapped. How could he think this
was funny? Everything came pouring out, before I could stop it.
"You know what, Jesse? I am! Okay, I am jealous. Are you happy? I,
Jasmine Stone, am jealous of your perfect girlfriend! She's everything that
I'm not, she takes up most of your time, you guys are so lovey dovey you
make me sick and to be honest, I'm sick of you thinking she's so gorgeous
and not thinking the same about me. I'm sick of being another guy to you. I
can't be as pretty, skinny, or perfect as her and I hate it. Hate that
she's more worthy of you than I am, I can't stand it, that's why I've been
a bitch and that's why I can barely talk to you anymore. I am jealous.
Ready, let's yell it. I AM JEALOUS! That's what's wrong and if you would
open your pretty blue eyes up and look at something other than her, you'd
His mouth dropped open, shocked. I wiped away an angry tear, his face
blurred for a second. He was just standing there, not saying anything. What
was I thinking telling him that? Telling him everything?
"Jaz." He stopped, probably not knowing what to say.
"She's Barbie and you're Ken, I'm the one who doesn't fit. That's
what's been driving me insane, I want to fit with you." How could I have
just said that? Who was making me talk, I couldn't do anything, and it just
came spewing out of my mouth with absolutely no control.
"You're jealous of me and Emily, because I'm spending more time with
her." God, was he missing the point on purpose? Could this be more
"I'm jealous of you and Emily, because I wish I was her. I want to be
your girlfriend." I trailed off, mortified, I had voiced that thought out
loud. He was going to laugh, tell me that I was hilarious, thinking I could
be with him.
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Emily the perfect was too busy becoming your lap dog."
His face was completely blank, like he couldn't quite understand.
"You want to be my girlfriend, you?" Okay, here comes the part where he
laughs in your face, your heart breaks and you run away screaming while
Emily redoes her highlights and contemplates the meaning of French tips.
Tick tock, tick tock. Nothing.
"Yes, me. Okay, so now you know. I can't stand watching you and her
"But you were always just a friend, you never seemed."
"I didn't know I had feelings until recently, trust me, they scare me
as much as they're scaring you."
His phone started to ring; a shrill bubbly ring, and instantly his
eyes sought it out. With a pained look, he answered it, "Hey Em." Suddenly,
I could hear her, her stupid voice, coming across irritatingly perfect and
bubbly, sweet, Easter peeps melting in sun. And it was more than I could
take, we were having a life changing moment in our friendship and he was
talking to the one person who could make me truly sick. Anger ran through
my body, obviously the choice, which wasn't a choice at all, was already
over. He liked her and her perfect body, her perfect hair, her perfect
goddamn pom poms.
"Yip, yip." Imitating the little lapdog, poodle, she reminds me of, I
turned on my heel and started to walk away. He reached for my arm, telling
her to hold on, but I shook my head and faced him quickly. "You know what,
Jesse, never mind. Forget everything I just said and forget me." Pulling
away, I walked away, anger and disappointment running through my body.