Disclaimer: You take my characters, I sue your fucking pants off, mmkay? I have yuppie parents, which means they're rich. Therefore, I'm rich. Therefore, I can afford a lawyer. A good lawyer. So no takie, no sue..ie. Got it? Good. On to the show.

Chapter One: Of Introductions and Bruises

I parked my cream-orange beetle under a tree close to the building and hopped out.

Today is the first day of school at South Beckett High. And fortunately for me, the last "first day." Yup, I'm officially a senior. No more being picked on, no more harassment, no more evil upperclassmen tying me to flagpoles, no more shit!

I quickly dashed into courtyard of the school, not wanting to get wet from the sprinklers. You see I'm Beckett High's resident fashionista fag. Nothing in my closet other than brand name designers-Dolce & Gabbana, Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Armani, DKNY, Versace, Burberry, Gucci, and the occasional Banana Republic.

So I really can't risk getting my Armani/Gucci semi-gothic lolita/yuppie masterpiece get ruined by water. That has to be done by the football hurtling towards my head. "No shit" indeed!

My eyes opened to a hideous off-white ceiling with tacky phosphorescent lighting. The school's infirmary. Great, this is supposed to be a new year.

"Jesus, Calen, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm so sorry!"

Calen Ward: that's me. A high school senior-5'10, 136 pounds, short black hair with dyed tips, a sleek swimmer's body, purple eyes (okay, purple contacts), lightly tanned skin, and a knack for getting hit with P.E. equipment.

"Huh?"

"Over here. Yeah, it's me, Ethan? Oh Jesus, he has amnesia! Shit this is all my fault! What am I gonna do? I'm gonna get sus." That's where I tuned him out.

Him being Ethan Pierson. About 6'3, I really have no idea; maybe 180- 200 pounds? Blonde hair, short but cute, an Abercrombie and Fitch model's body, a face like a god's-a perfect nose; long and sharp, hazel eyes, high, Scandinavian cheekbones, the most kissable lips in the world, and, if you're that oblivious or just plain stupid and couldn't tell already, my crush-since the eighth grade!

"Oh, hi Ethan. Having a good day I presume? I know mine is. Being the little masochist I am, I just love being hit by footballs. Oh yeah, it's one of my pastimes. Great hobby, really!" Oh perfect, what a way to win him over! Why not just mug him? At least that way I'd get some money out of it.

" Go easy on him Cal, it was my fault!"

I recognized that voice instantly- it was my brother' brother's. Fortunately for me, I have the looks. I couldn't stand being identical with that, um, well, to put it nicely, hideous freak of nature. He's baboon-like with his below average intelligence, fat face, and nastily hairy body. The fact that his ass is red doesn't do much to help the situation either. I mean, for God sakes, the least he could do is shave that disgusting head of his once in while. Lecher.

Okay, okay! He's 200 pounds of fucking perfect jock god, but he's my brother and I just don't get off on the whole twincest thing.

"FUCKING JESUS HELL! You ignoramuses hit Calen with a football again? What the hell were you thinking?"

That was Jen: the best friend I've ever had.

She's really a beautiful girl - long auburn hair, peach tinted skin, pure blue eyes, long legs, (and if I do say so myself) a killer rack, and a scathing wit so shrewd it leaves, well, bite marks.

"That's the ninth time this past year! You think you could actually catch the ball, seeing how you're on the football team and everything!

"Try-outs haven't even started ye-"

My brother's "valiant" try was snuffed by Jen's anger,

"Do all of us a goddamn favor and SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!"

"You take that back you ho-bag!"

"What? You had better run, or I'll tear you a new assh-"

That's when Ethan's baritone voice chimed in,

"You two have been dating for a year now, and isn't it just slightly ironic that your insults only get harsher as time goes by? Anyway, Calen's face is turning, um., well, ?"

"More of a fuchsia to me."

"Maybe like a maroon?"
"Too light to be a."

"SOMEBODY GET ME A GODDAMN MIRROR FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!"

Ethan glanced over at Jen expectantly.

She rummaged through her purse a while before producing the mirror.

"Here Calen."

"Holy shit." I blacked out.

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