Eatin’ Kids

I love red meat, I can’t be discreet, I am only a man
So I cook and eat that shit, whenever I fucking can
But when pork and cow cease to cause me to flip my lid
I’ll pull on over to the play ground- pick me up some juicy kid!

Oh eatin’ kids, eatin’ kids I think it’s really cool
Scoutin’ for the fat ones at the elementary school
I know you loved your daughter but let me tell you this
That wasn’t lobster you ate in my famous lobster bisque

I tell people about my hobbies and they get really sad
Tell me that I’m evil and that I must be mad
Stay outta my business and in my affairs don’t snoop
And don’t touch the jerky; it used to be a Boy Scout troop

Oh eatin’ kids, eatin’ kids, it really makes me grin
If I’m on a diet I just avoid the skin
All those trick-or-treaters last seen at my door
Proves I’ve eaten over a thousand kids and I’ll eat one thousand more!

Oh, quit your bitching, I know you loved your toddler
But she tasted fantastic covered in oil and butter
But don’t go to the cops, or a 911 call make
At least give me a moment to polish off this steak

Oh, eatin’ kids, eatin’ kids, I cannot quit for nothing
They just look so fantastic chocked full of stuffing
When I pull the last one from the oven all plump and golden brown
I’ll know I ate all the stock here, time to move to another town!