Well, this is a short story that I entered in a competition a few months ago. It took an award, so I guess it's pretty good, although I don't think so. I need to know how to revise it to make it better. The word limit was 1500, and I've never been good at making things short. Sigh. But I really need a second opinion, so if you read it, PLEASE tell me what you think. But no flames please. Or at least not without purpose. Thanx. ~Fuu

~*~*~*~

Lilith rode her stallion across the plain. Pushing him into a canter, she relaxed. She would get home soon. Her blonde hair blowing in the wind and her smoke gray eyes dancing, she was a beautiful figure. She was tall and graceful, with elven-like features. Anyone who saw her would believe her to be the model of womanhood. And yet Lilith was different. A tomboy with a strong, determined personality, courage, and a strong sense of honor, she was bound to a restricted life.

It was hard, being the daughter of a merchant. Her mother had died when Lilith was very young. She had three older brothers that had helped her learn archery as an act of defiance. They had all gone to enlist when they came of age. Her father did not see her much; he was too busy with matters of business. Her best friend, Mathin, was the son of her father's master of the horse. Mathin was smart, with a calculating mind, but he worried a lot.

Thinking about this, Lilith decided that she liked her life. Life is good. She thought. Not the best, but good.

~*~*~*~

Arriving at home, she rode into the courtyard. As she dismounted, Mathin ran out of the stables to take her horse.

"Y-your father. He wants to see you. Now." Mathin told her breathlessly. "H-he says it's very important."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I'd better go. He hates for me to dawdle."

"Good luck!" Mathin called after her. He rubbed his temples. "And boy, will she need it!"

~*~*~*~

Opening the big wooden doors that led to her father's study, Lilith hesitated. I can't be afraid of him. I just can't. She took a deep breath, swung the doors open, and stepped inside. Bowing, she stated flatly "Father. I am here"

Her father stood in front of the fire. Turning, he looked at her. "Lilith. Daughter. Come closer. I have some important news concerning you."

Lilith's apprehension grew as she drew closer to her father. Looking at him suspiciously, she asked, "Father. Tell me what concerns me."

Her father sighed. "Very well. Lilith, you are going to be betrothed."

"What? Betrothed? To who?"

"To the Duke of Hawk's Peak. The ceremony will take place in a week."

"Duke Garret is old and fat. I will never marry him."

Lilith's father turned back to the fire. "The duke may be old and fat, but he's rich. When you marry him, it may bring good fortune back to our house."

"Never. I refuse." Lilith said, walking out of the room.

As the door slammed behind her, the old merchant sat down in a large chair. "What will I do with her?"

~*~*~*~

That night, as the rest of the house was sleeping, Lilith lay awake. She could not sleep, no matter how she tossed or turned. She couldn't get the betrothal off her mind. Finally, she shed tears, not for herself, but for the confinement of her freedom. As she drifted into slumber she whispered, "Please. Help me find a way out of this."

-----Fire. That is all there is in this dream. Burning. Towns, villages, cities. All destroyed. The flame appears to take the shape of a bird. The bird is flaming. Suddenly, it turns and looks straight at Lilith. A sheet of flame comes between them. She sees a face through the veil of fire. Hears a calming voice. *Your mission, destroy the fiery bird. Take this bow and quiver. You'll know how to use them. They are forged for the task of bringing sincerity to our land. Go now. Do your task.* -----

Lilith's eyes fluttered open. She realized that she was grasping the shaft of the most gorgeous bow she had ever seen. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright as she remembered her dream. Dressing quickly and carrying her new bow as she grabbed her ordinary one, she ran out of her room. Coming outside, into the courtyard, she went straight to the stables. Saddling her stallion, she mounted and left, galloping out of the open gates. Racing time, she rode south until dawn. She then made camp and immediately fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

Early the next morning, Mathin went on his rounds of the stables, checking to make sure everything was all right. All was well, until he came to the place where the merchant's family stabled their horses. Lilith's stallion was gone. Again. Sighing, he saddled his own horse, trotted out the gate, and settled in for a long ride.

~*~*~*~

Lilith woke, hearing someone approach the tree under which she had slept. Grabbing the dagger at her belt, she caught the stranger against the tree with her knife at his throat. Looking at the "stranger's" face she almost laughed with relief. It was Mathin!

"Now, my friend, what would you be doing out here?" she asked.

Mathin smiled recklessly. "Easy question. I'm coming with you."

"I'm sorry but I cannot allow that. My mission is perilous and deadly. I must kill the fiery bird, the phoenix."

"Well, all the more reason for me to come with you. Don't try to argue. You need me and you know it. And," He smiled, holding up a bag, "I have food."

Lilith relented. Eating hastily, they set out, not wishing to dwell in one place for too long.

~*~*~*~

At last! After a three-day journey they had arrived at the fiery forest in the south where the phoenix lived. The skies here were permanently stained orange from the never-ending inferno. For a moment Lilith and Mathin stood and gazed at the place that they'd put so much effort into coming to, all for a seemingly hopeless cause. Their trials had just begun. They now had to find the phoenix. They left the horses behind, as they would be of no use to them in the tightly packed trees. And so, they ventured deep into the forest, until they came to the place where the phoenix dwelled.

First, they saw the great bird sleeping in a big dead oak tree. At the slightest sound of their approach, fiery red eyes flickered open. The eyes seemed to burn. The phoenix rose into the air and let out a blood-curdling shriek. Swiftly, it tossed flames at them with a single sweep of its wing. In response, Lilith quickly put an arrow to her bow as Mathin drew his sword. Mathin went for the throat as Lilith aimed for the eyes. A fireball quickly deflected them both.

So the deadly dance went on, until the bird cornered Mathin against a tree. It pulled back its wing to throw a fireball and destroy its enemy. Mathin cringed and closed his eyes, but quickly opened them again, when he heard Lilith's war cry. He saw Lilith jump in front of him and take the blast of the fireball.

"LILITH!"

Lilith glimpsed him through a sheet of flame and smiled. She was just drifting into unconsciousness and the realm of death when she heard the same voice as in her dream calling her, shocking her awake with its command: *Use the gift!*

Lilith got up and walked out of the fire and grabbed the bow and quiver that the mysterious person had given her. She now knew who it was. It was an elemental, the spirit of flame, Dios. She put an arrow to the bow, raised it, and aimed for the phoenix's throat. She drew back her arm, closed her eyes, willed it to hit, and fired. The arrow flew straight and true to bury itself in the phoenix's throat. A burning silver light burst from the arrow, purifying all that it touched, driving out the evil from the mind of the bird. The phoenix screamed and fell limply to the floor as Lilith collapsed. The phoenix got up, but Lilith stayed down. It started toward her.

Mathin screamed, "NO!"

The phoenix glared at him. The stare burned like cold fire. It then turned to Lilith. A deep voice came from it saying, ~O my child, I am sorry.~ A huge tear, glistening like a crystal, fell from the phoenix's eye to burst on Lilith's chest. For a moment, it sparkled brightly and then it disappeared. The healing power of the phoenix tears were working on rescuing Lilith from the clutches of death. Lilith sat up and smiled. Mathin ran to her.

"Lilith! Lily, are you okay?" he asked, very worried.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Lilith then turned to the phoenix and asked her, simply, "Lady, why destroy our land?"

The phoenix lifted her head and gave a mournful cry. ~I will tell you my sad story. As you may know, phoenixes lay a cache of eggs every three thousand years. My time had come this year. I had laid my eggs and was gone to find a fire-flower to secure my babies' rebirth. While I was gone, hunters came and ransacked my nest. They crushed my precious eggs. Immersed in sorrow, evil overtook my motherly instincts. I began to burn, kill, and destroy to take vengeance for what they had done. Now I must wait another three thousand years for my babies to come. It is a punishment worthy of what I have done.~

The phoenix cried as she told her tale. After a moment, she spoke again. ~Now, fire-child, take my flame-jewel. Keep it safe. I must go to the far south where there are mountains of fire and ice. I will travel to the place where the last of my kind dwell.~

The phoenix rose into the air and dropped a ruby at Lilith's feet. She gave one, last, piercing cry and flew away. Lilith put the jewel on a chain and placed it around her neck. Turning to Mathin she said, "Come, Mathin. Let's go home."

~*~*~*~