"You know, you really make me feel so glad I'm a woman. I can't imagine why I put you off for so long, but it's a big step - our living together - when you consider we just met and I don't even know your name yet." She touched a finger to the dark fuzz already beginning to sprout on the baby's head. *Dark, like Jacob,* she thought, and smiled. "What do you think of Ariella? It means lioness."\
The baby stirred, and an irritated-sounding whimper escaped her tiny mouth. Erika laughed a little, tiredly. "That bad, huh? Okay. I won't push any name on you that you're not happy with. By the way, my name is Erika, and you'll see I'm pretty progressive, as mothers go," she titled her head. "Although I must insist that you always call me Mother, or Mom, because I'm the adult and you're the child..." she bent her head lower and whispered, "and I'm expecting you to love me."
She bit her lip and gazed at the small, pale form in her arms. "Please love me. I love you......well, I don't really. Yet." she added truthfully. "But don't tell anyone. I don't want them to think I'm a bad mother. But I think it takes more than three minutes, and I'm working on it. I do love you. I mean, I don't feel in love." She sighed and leaned her head back against the propped up pillows. "I don't know what I'm talking about. You're my first baby. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel..."
If this keeps up, this child is going to grow up permanently confused. I hope this is just the after affects of all those medicines and drugs they shot me up with.
"How about Eve? She was the first woman. Who cares huh?" The baby curled up a tiny pink fist to her mouth, and Erika felt a sudden pang as she realized that those were *her* lips, just in miniature form. She whispered. "I'll tell you something that'll probably surprise you...I'm scared to be a mother. Did you happen to hear anything I said while I was carrying you? I heard that infants are sensitive to their mother's feelings, so I forced myself to only be positive." She closed her eyes as a sudden sweep of nausea left her feeling weak and shaky, and then it passed. Stupid drugs and their stupid after affects.
"I would really recommend natural childbirth to you, when you're ready and you're married." She paused, and opened her eyes again, looking back down at the delicate-featured, tiny face. "Not that I'm against a boy and a girl living together if they're in love. I did, for about a month, but then again, we were engaged. Those circumstances aside, though, I'd prefer it if you didn't. Live with a man, you know."
Now I know I'm babbling, she thought sourly. But at least talking didn't take so much energy out of her as before. That was a sign she was getting better, right? She wondered where Jacob was, probably still out there talking to the doctor. Or maybe Lu and Matt had finally gotten him to relax and catch a few hours sleep. Goodness knows he needed it as much as she. Almost as much, anyway. Of course, Matt would have to relax himself before he could convince Jacob to do any such thing. Poor Lu, having two stressed out men on her hands. I suppose Mother will help...
"How's Eunice?" She turned her attention back to her baby. "I don't know what it means. I only suggested it because it's my adopted mother's name." She waited a minute, because it looked like the girl was considering it. "Eunice?" And then she opened her tiny mouth - my mouth - and wailed. Erika chuckled. "Okay, at least I can tell her I tried, eh?"
Her baby shifted again, waving tiny curled fists in the air, and then settling again. "How do you feel about having a working mother? I plan to go back to work in three months, and I'm telling you now I like having my own career, and I think I'm entitled to a life, too. If you want the best of me, you'll get the best of me if I work. We'll see, though. I'm open."
She thought for a minute. "And I'm not giving up going out in the evening. We go out often, it's part of the job first off, you know, formals and such...although I don't really care for them, and I know Jacob hates them. He just goes to make sure I'm okay; he used to be a bodyguard, and I think in a way he never really got over it. Jacob's your father, by the way. I'm not sure what you'll end up calling him. Dad, or Daddy, or Father, or maybe whatever any of those words are in Italian. He's Italian, although he doesn't speak it much. He doesn't speak much at all, come to think of it. To other people, anyway. I don't know how he'll react to you; he hasn't actually met you yet. He's seen you, of course, but like I said, I think it'll take a little bit more than a few minutes."
She paused again, and looked closely. "You're shaped a lot like me, although it's pretty hard to tell now, I guess. But you're colored exactly like him. Your hair, your skin. I'm glad you look like him too, even though you're a girl." She traced the round little cheek with her fingertips.
"How's Robin, for a name? It means pretty bird..." Another sudden sweep of weakness. Erika groaned. "Eech, I'm exhausted." I should sleep now, she thought. But somehow, this was more important. Talking to the baby, her baby, her daughter, was important. She couldn't sleep until something was resolved, some confirmation, she guessed, although what needed confirming she wasn't sure. "It's not easy being a mother," she admitted. "I hope you'll have patience. You like Patience? Hope? Charity? Candy? Venus? Salome?" she giggled. This was getting ridiculous. At the sound of her laughter, her baby stirred again, and opened big, dark blue eyes.
Oh, you have such beautiful eyes...like Jacob's, dark blue and so deep. A person could get lost in eyes like that, you know...
"Amani."
The word just slipped out, startling her. She leaned closer, and felt her mouth curl into a genuinely happy smile.
Her daughter smiled back.
"Amani," she said it again, relishing the sound. "It's African. It means peace," she added, but that wasn't particularly important. "It's a lovely name. I'm glad you chose it..." she giggled again. "We're both silly, aren't we? Amani?" Her eyebrows rose up, and her smile softened. "I think I'm in love with you too."
Amani sighed a baby sigh of contentment, and snuggled her head back into the soft blanket. Erika carefully adjusted the edges back from her face, and stroked one soft cheek gently. "Maybe I could get my leave of absence extended a few more months, anyway."
She leaned down, and kissed the small, pale forehead, brushing back a few short, wispy strands of dark brown hair. Amani closed her eyes and fell back asleep, and Erika followed shortly behind, a smiled still hovering on her lips.
It was a magnificent beginning.