Just an incident I'm relating from a trip to the doctors. Not the funniest thig I ever posted,

but I'm so screwed with a case of writer's block. I'm sorry about the format; I don't have Word, so

formatting this is a bitch without it. Crappy computer. I hope to have another story done in the upcoming weeks,

but somehow, I wouldn't count on it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember one Saturday, a couple years ago, my grandmother had to go out of town for a doctors appointment. The particular doctor's

office she was heading to just happened to be next to a bigass mall, and, like a true imbecile, someone allowed my younger sister to find out

about this. After protracted begging, she was allowed on the trip, which raised a problem. My grandmother can barely sneeze without breaking a

hip, and my little sister plays tag on the interstate and lives on sugar; That's a whole lot of ADD and senile to pack in one car. Someone had to

go along to keep them from killing themselves.

Despite many protests and many more death threats, this task landed on my shoulders. It wasn't really as bad as I make it out to have

been; it entailed a free lunch that didn't come from a microwave, and I already mentioned the mall.

Now usually, to a misanthropist like myself, a shopping mall has as much appeal as a Nazi medical research clinic. But it's worth

mentioning that this particular mall had, within a two block radius, not one, not two, but THREE Electronics Boutique locations. As a person who

hates everyone and everything but video games, I would go to hell and take Cerberus for a walk for a chance to pick up Xenogears for under 30

bucks.

I wound up completing my set of Soul Calibur 2 action figures, but its not really the events outside of the office that are the focus of this, so

much as what happened in the waiting room.

A waiting room is never a pleasant place, but having spent a good deal of time in them, I can say that those of the old people doctors are

far less vile than a pediatrician's. Whereas in a kiddy doctor's office, you're surrounded by screaming bundles of medical waste, the old folks

tend to keep themselves under control. As you don't really need to worry about catching "elderly", you can usually walk around safely without

class 4 bio-containment suits, and if the Gods of insomnia look upon you with favor, you might even find free coffee.

My sister had conned my grandma out of a candy bar, and was keeping herself busy knocking the walls down with her forehead. Having

forgotten a book or a Gameboy, I sat down with a copy of "Reader's Digest" to kill time.

Now I think that statement is important. It was a Reader's Digest. Not "Todays Satanist". Not "American School Shooter; Smith &

Wesson unveil a new line of magnums that make the Honor Roll". Not even "Random Acts of Violence in the Doctor's Office Quarterly". A

freaking "Reader's Digest".

So I'm sitting down, reading, not bothering anyone, and I get this feeling I'm being watched. So I look up, and I see this woman staring at

me. This woman is in her late 30's -early 40's, and she was all things WASP. White American Successful Protestant, blond, jewelry and all that,

looking like she stepped out of a minivan commercial. And she's watching me with this look of abject disgust and horror.

Now to be fair, I wasn't really dressed to convey an image of responsibility and professionalism. I think the best summary of my look is

"Unibomber Chic". I was wearing a black leather jacket, a half a size too big, as it was winter and I couldn't fit my shoulders into a large.

Underneath was my favorite T-shirt, a black Insane Clown Posse "Bizarre Bizarre" shirt my brother gave me. Finishing off the ensemble were a

pair of blue jeans and my boots.

A word on my boots; I love my boots. They're a pair of black, size 12, steel toed boots, that I keep polished to the point of incandescence.

They actually shine with their own light, and they are the only shoes that I ever wear.

And to accesserize this lovely outfit, I wore the head of a barbie doll on a chain around my neck. Her name is Claire, and I found her at a

flea market, where her hair style struck me as being reminiscent of several video game heroins. I named her after two of these, heroins from

Resident Evil and Ehrgeiz, and, taking an idea from a punk I went to Summerschool with, decapitated her and painted her face with White Out

and magic marker. I gave her the Crow's eyes and Sting's (the wrestler) mouth, and came up with the idea of wearing her on a necklace myself. I

do it to let everyone see how creative I am and how much as I kick, but it seems to just wind up scaring the hell out of people. Go figure, eh?

So I'm making eye contact with this woman, which in itself couldn't have been a treat for her. I had showered that morning, but I was going

on three weeks without shaving, and hadn't done anything to my hair but wash it. Added to that, as I mention in my bio, my eyes look weird as

hell. They're usually a blue-green, and I've been told they're one of my best features, but the color has a habit of changing. Not right while you're

watching them, but day to day, they can go from blue, to grey, to green, and they're not always both the same color. Standing far enough away

from me on one of those days, and looking into my eyes, my entire face seems off balance. Disconcerting like you won't believe.

So I'm being stared at, this woman completely and totally freaked out, not even making an effort to hide it. She seemed to be afraid that I

was going to run up, in a room full of people, in the waiting room of a doctor's office, in an upper class business district, LITERALLY LESS

THAN 1 BLOCK AWAY FROM A POLICE STATION ON A BRIGHT, SATURDAY MORNING, and cut her. Put down my Reader's Digest, stab

her, flip of all of the dozen witnesses, and walk off with her purse.

Thing is, I probably could of. I never claim to be the sanest person in the world, and that day, as on all days, I carried a good sized folding

knife. Odd personality quirk: I never leave my house unarmed.

So, I'm thinking, "I need to traumatize this bitch". I think anything I could have done at that moment would have sent her running. I thought

about carving Nine Inch Nails lyrics into my forearm and bleeding on the carpet, screaming at her, hell, I could have kept looking at her like I was

pissed, and she would have run like I started shooting. All I did, though, was nod and say good morning, and go back to my magazine. If I don't

have to work for it, I figured, why bother?

She kept watching me from then untill she was called in for her appointment, 5 minutes later, and I was out of there before she came back

out. I spent the rest of the day laughing at her, and went about my business. I don't dye my hair, adorn myself with spikes and chains, or dress

like every other wanna be Goth/Punk/Rivethead who worships the ground Hot Topic's built on. I don't usually attract attention. But everywhere I

go, there's always that one person who backs away slowly, who tenses up, who would gladly "loan" me some money if I asked politely in the right tone of voice. And it's always funny as hell to me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, this isn't what I intended to post next, but I've been dealing with a case of wicked writer's block, and I figure I should write what I know. And if

there's one thing I know, it's scaring the elderly. I even think this is kind of funny, in a sardonic way.

I'd like to use this space to personally thank everyone who's read and reviewed my work. I haven't been able to thank everyone by email or in a

review of their own stories; nor have I been able to keep track of who I've thanked and who I haven't. So, right now, I wanna thank Teffers,

kelseytheballerina, Jitterrue, xBaybeex, theunwritten,roteg, RalKirGard, jennifer840,xBrokEn SpIrItx, Guitar Dude, fuzzynerds, bunniesmustdie17,

nl1, IceNat, and Dragonfly67cwy. I want to tell all of these people that they're incredibly talented and funny themselves, unless they aren't. Again, I

lose track of who is and who isn't. Thanks.