When you cried, I'd fight away all of your tears
When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand for all of these years
But you still have. all of me.
-My Immortal by Evanescence
It's been 12 years since I last heard anything about him. 12 years
since my only mistake. Since then, I've done everything in my power to be
a mother and hold a decent job. I completed high school and with mom's
help, I was able to go to collage and get a degree. And with that, I
started a job as an Art Director of a major theatre. It wasn't easy, but
to put my kids through school, I was going to do it. And it was a
successful theatre, and I'm glad I fit in with the people there.
"Mom, what's for dinner?" Christine asked from the dining room. Oh,
thank goodness she snapped me out of my thoughts.
"I'm making it right now hon! Are you done with your homework yet?" I
"Almost," she said, "Mike finished a while ago, and he's back to
watching his taped shows."
"So long as he's done," I said and stirred the pot slightly. It was
corn and macaroni and cheese. I kept the meals simple during the workweek,
because I worked so much.
"I am mom!" Mike yelled. Our apartment was small, but it still seemed
like we needed to yell to one another when one of us was in another room.
"That's good! But did you study for your math test as well?" I asked.
"Yes, and I'll do it again before bed," he replied. My children were
so wonderful. The years have been hard on us, but we stay together as
family. I remember their father. he used to be kind and caring. but the
again, I heard all guys were. But then he changed, and I became pregnant,
and he left, never to be heard from again. I've lived my life to the
fullest I could. I haven't had a lot of choices on my own, most were made
But I can't say I hate my life. I love my children and they have
dreams of their own now, and I make sure to tell them everyday about the
stupid choices people make that foil all their dreams. Sometimes they ask
me if I regret having them. I couldn't regret it. Not now, not ever.
They both have been such a joy, and even though I gave up a lot for them, I
gained the family I wanted, minus the husband. Some of the other theatre
people say they admire me, but I think it's a mixture of pity and surprise.
How could I love my life after what has been done to me?
"MOM!" Christine yelled at me and I quickly checked the food. It was
ready. great. I removed it from the burner and brought out some plates. I
turned off the stove and sighed.
"Dinner!" I called to them. They looked like their father; they had
some of his features. Sometimes it tortured me; sometimes they made me
smile even wider. My love was for him no longer, but for them. Even
though they were a part of him, he never was there. He never could be. In
this big city I reside in, my dreams are turning more pleasant as the years
go on. My fears fading away as my heart swells with pride to the way my
children are turning out. I'm bound to this life, but I still love it.
How can I not?
"Mom, are you gonna stand there all dazed out or are you gonna eat?"
Mike asked me. I laughed and smiled, picking up a plate and realized this
was where I was meant to be. This was home.