A/N- This was actually written for a LA project due in, err, a few weeks! ^.^;; We had a choice of a few language related projects we could have done, and I chose to do a collection of short stories! This is the first chapter of on of the stories. It doesn't exactly have a title, but I'm sure we can manage!

S/N- Parody of many fairytales. The main character is Prince Charming. It has my kind of 'humor' (that I kinda imported from my PSoH fan fiction), but I assure you that it is totally on the up and up. Oh, and I might post different versions of the same fairytale, so if you review them, please tell me which one you like the best so that I will include that in ,y project. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the fairytales included here-in. I'm not original enough to make my own, so I just borrow other peoples characters!

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Chapter 1

"There are three things in the world that I can't stand; pushy women, pushy children and pushy half-humans. So, how is it that I'm suddenly surrounded by them? Some people would call it 'fate'; I like to call it 'irony'. Or 'cosmic pay-back'. Yeah, that works." ~ Prince N.L. Charming III

Many years ago in a far off land, lived a young, and incredibly handsome, prince named Noir Leviathan Charming the Third, or Charming for short.
In the minds of many he was the perfect person; good-looking, smart, polite, honorable and filthy rich to boot. However, the REAL Prince was much different from how the people of the kingdom saw him.
If you were to ask his closest attendant, who might also be considered the prince's only friend, Ludwig, he would tell you this," The Prince? Well, what can I say about the Prince that won't get me hung? Oh, I know, he's lecherous, merciless, narcissistic, uncaring, violent, hostile, oh, and a wonderful actor as well."
Either way, the prince had the entire kingdom wrapped around his well- manicured finger.
Our little Prince, unbeknownst to many people, had a very, erm, interesting hobby; collecting human corpses, or, more accurately, the corpses of beautiful women. For, you see, the Prince was a sucker for beauty, even if the creature of his affections just so happened to be post mortem. Yes, Prince Charming was one sick puppy, but whoever said anything to upset him woke up sleeping with the fishes, or lions, depending on the Prince's mood.
One day, the King of the Land, named Kingly Charming, for it was common knowledge throughout the land that the Royal family had a penchant for puns, called his son to the thrown room for a little father-son chat.
"Son, I'm sure you know why I have called you here today," the King said.
"I thought I did," the Prince replied," but I could have sworn we already had the talk."
"What?" The King questioned. He thought a moment before the color in his cheeks brightened slightly," No! That is not what I wanted to talk to you about!"
" If that isn't it," the Prince said as he made his way to a luxurious couch, near the throne his father was sitting on, and collapsed in it, squirming into a suitable position before continuing, " then what is it, Father? I am a very busy man. So many gorgeous women to meet, so little time."
"That is exactly the problem!" the King accused. "You waste all of your days chasing after pretty faces that you aren't serious about and you spend all of your nights exchanging sweet-nothings with those disgusting corpses you insist of preserving in the dungeon! What do you think the kingdom will think if they ever found out? And you never answered me, who are those women?"
"I've told you before," Prince Charming began his explanation nonchalantly,"they are-"
"I know, I know," the king sighed exasperatedly, "'they are creatures of heaven whose eternal light of beauty is too great to waste just rotting in the ground'. I know. I have heard this speech before a million and ten times before!"
"Father, why are you yelling at me?" he asked as he twirled a lock of his golden hair between his fingers gazing at it sleepily on the couch," You are the one that called me here in the first place, remember?"
"I honestly do not know how that poor Ludwig can stand you, day in and day out," the King murmured.
"I can tell you why."
The King simply stared at him speechless. He had heard his son explain things in the past and it always wound up as a compliment, toward himself.
"He sticks so close to me" Charming began, "because he's hoping that my incredible magnetism and rugged, unbridled looks will rub off. And who can blame him? If I weren't me I would do everything in my power to stay near me!" Upon ending his theory he began laughing. For a good ten minutes straight.
"Are you quite finished now?" the King asked.
"I suppose," replied the Prince, curling back to his comfortable position on the couch.
"Well, that brings us to the topic at hand," the King continued.
"My, that certainly was the round-about way now, wasn't it?" asked the Prince under his breath, no caring if his father heard or not.
His father heard, of course. "Will you please let me finish?"
"I never said you couldn't," the Prince said as he sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily and letting out a false yawn to amplify his extreme boredom.
"Your mother and I believe it is time for you to get your priorities straight." His Father explained.
"Translated means?"
"We want you to go out into the kingdom and find yourself a suitable woman!" the King boomed.
For a moment the Prince's calm exterior faltered, but he found it again and asked questioningly, "Are you serious?"
"Very serious," the King assured.
"Thanks, but no thanks." The Prince got up and made his way toward the door," I have all of the women I'll ever need right here, why on earth would I want another one?"
"Well, son," the King began, almost too sweetly," by 'suitable woman' we meant a woman who happened to still be in this field of existence."
"How boring," the Prince sang as he walked closer and closer to the door.
"Boring or not, you will leave and you will not return until you are madly in love with a living woman! Do you understand me? A living woman!"
The Prince paused and the door, but didn't turn around," I see, but what is to stop me from just coming back?"
"Let's see," The King gave the ruse of thought," what if I tell you that the guards have been given orders to shoot you on sight if you dare come back with out a wife in your arms?"
The Prince considered this a moment and turned around,"But, what if I lose my arms out there, in the dangerous kingdom?"
"Well, use your legs." The King answered.
"What if I lose them too?" Charming questioned.
"Use Ludwig," he replied.
Thinking hard he continued, a sly grin on his face,"What if I had a woman, lost all my limbs and had Ludwig carry her, but then they fell in love and they run off together?"
"Then just roll yourself after them."
"But-"Charming began, but was cut short.
"Or just off a cliff."
"But, won't you feel bad?" he urged.

"No." was the King's short reply.
"You drive a hard bargain, old man," the Prince examined his father for vulnerabilities as he spoke" but I'll take you up on this deal! I'll need a few solders, some guns, ammunition-"he was cut short again.
"No," the King stated emotionlessly, "You only get some previsions, one gun and Ludwig."
"Can I trade Ludwig for another gun?" The Prince trying his best to negotiate with his strict Father.
"No." That was becoming his Father's favorite word.
"Fine then. I'll go get Ludwig," the Prince sighed forlornly and walked out of the room.
And thus the Prince's journey into the land of mystery that lay just out side of the boundaries of the kingdom began.
However, fifteen minutes later, the Prince and his loyal servant, Ludwig, were in the market place.
"Where do you plan on going to find a wife, my Prince?" Ludwig asked, under the strain of the Prince's belongings that did not fit on the horse. Ludwig stood at six feet two inches, with brown hair and forest green eyes. Alone, he would have been revered as a bearer of heavenly beauty. However, he was standing beside the Prince, who has three inches shorter, golden hair that shone like the sun, blue eyes as deep as the ocean and a sly and enchanting grin. He also oozed of a certain air of money and riches that Ludwig did not posses.
"I have no idea," The Prince said to Ludwig's great surprise as they passed a group of children.
"Excuse me, sir," a voice said. When they turned around they found that it belonged to an old woman wrapped in a traveling cloak and using a cane to stand upright, "But did I heard you right? Are you looking for a wife?"
"Thanks for the offer," the Prince said as he turned away from the woman," but you might be a tad bit old."
"For the moment," the woman continued," I'll ignore your ungrateful comment, but I know of where you can find a very beautiful woman."
"Really? Where?" Ludwig questioned, happy to know they finally had a semblance of a lead.
"On the outskirts of the forests that surround the next village there is a tower and it is rumored that the local witch there had kidnapped a baby seventeen years ago and she has grown to quite the remarkably beautiful woman." The woman addressed Ludwig, like she would have addressed a favorite grandchild.
'Seventeen?' the prince though to himself, 'Only a year younger then me.' The old woman he asked rudely, "Anything else you want to tell me, Grandma?"
"Yes, two things," the old woman said quietly.
"Well, come out with it," the Prince ordered impatiently.
"First," the old woman began. "In order to see her you have to sand on the foot of the tower and say, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair." And she shall lower her long golden hair to you."
"And the second thing?" Charming asked, wanting to continue on to his promised beautiful woman.
"Call me 'grandma' again," the old woman was suddenly upon Charming, with uncharacteristically strong upper body strength, and she grabbed him by the collar, pulling closer to her, "and I'll bash your pretty face in with this cane, you understand me?"
"Yup. Crystal clear." The Prince managed to squeak as she roughly let go of him.
And with that little bit of information given the woman walked off, leaving out Prince and Ludwig to gather their wits and begin their journey to the Princess in the Tower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sai: Well, that is the end of the first chapter. I know this story is not without mistakes, so if you find some, please be nice enough to bring it to my attention (before I give it to my teacher). If you didn't like it, I would prefer to e-mail me a formal complaint rather then give me a review flame, because it make you look like less of an idiot. Thank you.