Fear

            Fear is an immensely powerful emotion that means something different to each person.  Every person reacts differently to fear. Some people know no fear, some people laugh in the face of fear, some people cower in its presence, some people embrace it and the adrenaline rush that accompanies it as a natural high, and some live their entire lives consumed by it. Fear is an emotion and nothing more; at least, that is what a psychologist might say. I can only accurately offer my own opinion and that is that fear is the exact opposite of love. Most people at first would probably object, saying that hate is love's nemesis but I believe that hate itself is a product of fear. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that many of the "bad" feelings people experience are derived from fear. Hate springs from fear of something, envy from fear of not being as good as something or someone else, and anger comes from the fear of loosing control. Fear is at the root of all "evil" emotions, and therefore is the opposite of love. On the contrary, emotions such as sympathy and hope originate from love; therefore, love must be the yin to fear's yang, its complete opposite. Beyond that, how can this tainted emotion be defined? Other than contrasting to love, what is fear?

            How do you define an emotion that is different to each person? I'm not sure you can. The dictionary defines it as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. How can a book know anything of fear? Fear is an emotion; therefore, it is not a scientific element that can be easily described in words. Fear is different to every person and I will try and describe what fear is too me as best I can. It's that feeling that starts building in the pit of your stomach and slowly works its way up to your throat. Once there, it stifled your voice, making it hard to swallow and depriving your brain of the precious oxygen it need to make sound decisions and react quickly. Time seems to slow down as the rest of the world whizzes past at its average chaotic rate. That's the pivotal moment. Everything freezes and you have a choice. You either give in to the fear and let it consume you, or you fight back with all you have in order to keep your head above water. That is what fear brings to mind when I think of it.

            Fear is an intense emotion that can easily overwhelm even the strongest person. Man and woman alike fall victim to this wave of terror. Fear is like a disease that cannot be cured and once the seed of fear is planted, it grows inside of you, encroaching on your mind unnoticed until something happens. A trifle event sparks a memory, the straw the broke the camel's back, if you will, and it begins again. You're forced back to stage one of the healing process. Fear wraps itself around any and every connection it can come in contact with, that way, even the most seemingly insignificant occurrence is a flood of water rushing to combat the damn you've so carefully constructed. There are quite a few analogies used to explain fear and quite a bit of metaphoric language but that's what happens when something cannot be fully explained. Ambiguous words are used in hopes that each person will interpret what they want to hear even if it's nothing like what the speaker was actually intending. In order to prevent this, personal examples of mine will hopefully make my point clear.

            Fear can be seen at several different levels. Each one is different, but they're all the same gut-wrenching terror that just grows stronger as your fear rises. For example, perhaps getting up in front of the class and singing my song like I did is a form of fear. Personally, I'm terrified of needles. I mean, petrified. The thought or sight of even a sewing needle can cause my stomach to flip over in my torso. This past April, I was finally eligible to donate blood. When I saw the needle that would be used to draw my blood, I felt my stomach churn and my heart jump in my chest but this reaction was not true fear. Sure, I was afraid, but this was nothing compared to the fear I described earlier. I have experienced true fear. Three years ago, something happened to me that can only be described as truly terrifying. Three years later, I am still afraid of many petty things that hardly relate to the event. I'm afraid of the dark because the horrifying event occurred at night; I'm also afraid of loud sudden noises such as thunder or a balloon popping because of the sudden jolt of terror I experienced three years ago. The most innocent thing, like a wink, can spark nightmares and make vivid images return. Certain words can force my mind to relive the terror that I felt those three long years ago. In my definition, I mentioned that moment of choice between being consumed by fear and conquering it, and that is what makes a person who they are. If I had allowed the fear I felt at that moment three years ago overwhelm me, I probably wouldn't be here today and if I were, I would probably only be a shell of the person you see everyday. Fear can ruin a person, or, like I experienced, it can strengthen a person. The event I experienced three years ago was the sole reason that I ever found the faith that I hold so tightly to today. My faith in God and my devotion to the Church is based solely on the revelation that came to me after the fear I endured. Had I not conquered that fear, I do not know what my beliefs would be. Today, I have a deep holding in my faith and that is something that I wouldn't have had it not been for fear, or rather the love I found after experiencing such powerful fear. Fear is what makes a person who they are, forever.

            The power fear holds over some people can be an astounding sight. Some people's entire lives are affected by a small phobia or traumatic event but it's the people who get past their fear that really prove what fear is. After this reflection, I've finally found a definition. Fear is an intense yearning to flee from eminent danger or pain and knowing that to defeat this encroaching evil would be more painful than letting it consume you. Based on my experiences, I believe that's much more accurate than any definition in a book. How can a book define emotion if it's never experienced it? Personal experience is the only place to draw knowledge of emotion from. Without emotion, humans are no different than the dictionary and would have nothing more than an ambiguous response to the question "What is fear?" Thankfully, we do experience emotions, good and bad, and all that matters is that no matter how afraid we are of these emotions, we persevere.