Shay and Carson had only been dating a couple weeks, but already things had been going amazing. Every minute that she spent with him had opened up her heart. She was smiling, and happy, and had even heard Erin using the word 'glowing' once or twice to describe her attitude. The Shay that had spent her nights drinking to black out was gone, and a much happier person had replaced her.

But, there were still things that Shay hadn't told him about and as she sat on her bed in a cold November day, talking to Erin on the phone, she had been debating if telling Carson here secrets was the next step in her relationship.

"Well it depends on what you want to tell him," Erin explained, as Shay leaned back on her bed and placed her head on a mound of pillows. "There are certain things that might be to much for him to know right now."

She thought for a moment. They had almost been together a month and slowly, but surely, her feelings for him were developing into something she could barely define. She knew there was a difference between like and love, but she had no idea on which side of the invisible feelings line, her own feelings for Carson were located.

"I think I'm falling in love with him." Shay told Erin abruptly.

There was a pause on the other side of the line, and then Erin took a deep breath. "Really?"

"Yes."

Erin was silent again for a brief moment. "Are you sure?"

"That's the thing." Shay began. "I only THINK I am; I have no idea." She paused. "But I want to tell him my secrets, and I want to let him in. That's never happened before. Or at least, that hasn't happened in a very long time." She took in a deep breath, "Erin?"

"Yeah?"

"What am I going to do?"

And for a long moment, there was no response from her friend. The line was silent, and then: "I think you should be telling this to him, not me. But not until you're sure, really sure."

"You're right." She looked over at the clock on her VCR. "He'll be coming over soon." She cringed. "I'll keep all this in mind."

"See you tomorrow." Erin told her, and then the dial tone rung in Shay's ear.

Hanging up her phone, she walked over to her closet and began flipping through the contents. Settling on a lace shirt, she stripped off her sweater and slipped on the lace shirt. Then she walked down into the living room and waited to hear the doorbell and to run down into Carson's arms.

As the bell echoed throughout her house, she skipped down the stairs, opened the door and jumped happily into the waiting arms of the boy standing infrount of her. Smiling, she kissed him lightly and jumped back to let him walk into the house.

"How are you?" His cool voice purred, as he hung his jacket up.

Shay smiled, truly happy. "Perfect."

And it was true. In the few weeks that had been dating she had been happier then she had been in longer then she could remember. It was nice feeling, but the happier she got the more she began to wonder how deeply her feelings for Carson were rooted. Was it love, was it STRONG like-Or was it something completely new and different. She had never felt like this before, and as the two of them sat together on the couch, and cuddled, she began to think more and more about how she really felt.

"Shay?" He asked, and she looked up into his safe eyes. "What's on your mind?''

Now was the perfect moment, she could let him know everything. She could tell him about her past, and this new beginning that he had granted her with a simple kiss. "Nothing." She told him, smiling and then planting another light kiss on his cheek. "It's nothing."

~*~*~

When Erin arrived the next morning, she had a curious look upon her perfect face. "So?" She asked, prodding. "Did you figure everything out?"

"Not quite." Shay answered, fixing her straightened hair. "Soon, I still need to figure some things out." She thought back to her perfect night, spent with the perfect guy. "How was your night?" She changed the subject.

"Fine." She answered, gazing out the glass door. "Bus."

And the two of them walked out into the brisk November weather to where their bus stopped. Climbing on, Shay remained quite, which was a characteristic of the old her. She still had the night before, her conversation with Erin and her feelings in general on her mind. She knew two things, she cared more about Carson then she had ever dreamed of; and Carson was the most amazing guy that she had ever met and she had never known anyone that could make her happy like he could.

But she still had one more fear, and that was losing him. Maybe that was what kept her from telling him how she really felt, or even admitting to herself how much he did mean about her. But every time she tried to even think about the 'L' word then she would flash back to 6 months before and lying on her bathroom floor, bleeding from the wrist.

"Earth to Shay?" She turned abruptly and looked at Erin. "What's it like where you are?"

She blushed. "Confusing."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Shay answered, smiling. "Everything is perfect, I'm just thinking."

Sometimes she wished she could tell Erin exactly what was on her mind, but unless she was drunk then it had become a difficult task. And it wasn't just Erin, it was anyone she was close with. Sometimes Shay just couldn't express her feelings, and they would be forever turned about in her mind until she could come up with something on her own.

The bus came to a stop, and she climbed out and went directly to her locker, still debating everything in her mind. Even the bleach smell in the girl's bathroom seemed to spark some sort of thought about Carson. This whole thing, as wonderful as it was had scared her a bit. Well, not him exactly but the fact that she could care so much about one person. She never believed that she could ever love someone again, and when she had gotten involved with Carson she never expected that she would be standing infrount of the mirror in the girl's bathroom debating her feelings.

"Do you love him?" She asked herself, staring at her pale complexion.

Turning, without coming to an answer, she walked out into the crowded hall and began to walk towards her drama classroom when she saw him, Eric, standing out infrount of the door. She tried not to look but their eyes locked and for a moment she almost felt a pain, like she was missing the friends they had once been a long time ago. He would have been the person she'd have turned to in order to figure these things out, after all he knew everything about her.

"Stop that." She thought to herself. "You don't love him anymore. You love Carson."

There it was, the answer she had been looking for. That word she had been searching and wondering about for the past week, unsure as to whether she could use it; and without even realizing it she had. And she realized then, as she remembered back and thought about Eric and THEIR past, that the only person she loved right now was Carson.

~*~*~

"You're cold." Carson told Shay as he wrapped his arms, and a flannel blanket around her shoulders. "Look at you, you're shaking."

She pulled herself deeper into his body, taking in everything about him: the warmth he was giving off, his smell and the sound of his heartbeat through his jacket. Here they layed, under the milky canvas of the November sky looking at the twinkling stars that were above them. It had been two days since Shay's realization at school, and tonight she repeated the words 'I love you' over and over as she layed in his arms.

"Look!" She cheered, as she pointed up to where a shooting star went whizzing by. Closing her eyes, she wished for the perfect moment for her to tell him how she felt.

"I missed it." He told her, pouting. Not in the annoying way that Rick did, but in a cute innocent way that she just loved.

She kissed the cold skin of his cheek. "That's okay." She assured him. "I'm sure that there will be another one." She looked up into his eyes and paused. Everything was so perfect, the moment, the two of them. Everything was going wonderful and she barely felt herself say the words as they layed together in the bitter night, wrapped up in the warmth of their own bodies.

"I love you."

Without flinching, Shay waited for some response in his face. Seconds passed, feeling like minutes as she layed here wrapped up in the arms of the guy she loved.

"I love you." He told her, beginning to smile. He sighed. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you that."

And then she felt it, as the moment of worry that she had felt immediately after telling him how she felt passed, and it was replaced with excitement as what Carson had just told her clicked in. There was nothing else to say, so she leaned up into his body, and as she wrapped her arms around his neck she leaned in and met his lips. And then, like it had been since the very first time they had kissed, the fireworks went off, the birds sang and above them stars fell from the heavens and into their eyes.