An: This is something for my class actually, and I might change some parts in this story. I thank tati1 for beta-ing this. She’s such a good beta-reader. I could see all my repeated mistakes when she beta-reads my work.

Getting attached

            The black phone trembled faintly as the static of a voice echoed through Saeb’s ears while she firmly held it with her tanned hands. This had to be a nightmare, a surreal hallucination unexpectedly twisted into a shattered dream where you speak silent promises that you could never keep. This promise was broken, a promise that until they die – they would be best friends forever. Saeb would innocently believe these things, believed that friendship is valuable and true, as well as love, but as each experience she went through in devastation, she was beginning to doubt it, and question it if it was true.

“Saeb, umm…I can’t take it anymore, I don’t want to be your best friend,” Ann Ican said blankly, as if she did not even care, and perhaps she did not. Saeb was beginning to see a pattern here. To start it off, she had two of the closest friends anyone could have asked for. One didn’t want to be Saeb’s friend because she, Idre Sbor, said Saeb wasn’t being a good friend, wasn’t fun anymore and was boring. Now, Ann was basically saying the same thing, except with different words and different actions. In fact, as her mother told her, they were directly or indirectly using her, only liked her good personality, but never putting up with the other one, thus leaving Saeb in the darkness. Her mother, indirectly, called those kinds ofpeople materialistic.

At least they tried… Saeb thought sadly, trying to not cry from the unpleasant sting in her chest. The painful words shot through her like a bullet, leaving a deep mark that would not heal soon, if at all. If she were to compare the two friendships, a few flaws set them apart, understanding and acceptance. Her supposed best friends didn’t understand what Saeb had been going through, and in truth, they could never have been perceived as accepting her as they were incapable of putting up with her darker moods built from school stresses. The rejection still hurt though, and every time she was abandoned she was once again plunged into the dark depths of her contemplations, effecting her thoughts and actions as she struggled to move on.

“Okay,” the black-haired girl, Saeb Tecri, stuttered brokenly, swallowing the large lump in her esophagus as she fought back the raw sobs. The phone hung up in silence, thus returning to its original monotone, the incessant dial tone of a dynamic bee’s buzzing.  

            That was when she let the heartbroken tears flow down to her pink round cheeks. That was when she sobbed in stillness, not closely, whimpering loudly enough to be heard by her snooping mother, but enough to release some of the pain that now settled itself quite heavily in her heart, where darkness was beginning to thrive, taking all the necessary space.

            While she sat on the dull, gray-hued floor, mourning the betrayal of her two best friends, the logical side of her mind began to kick in, and the chubby girl decided to do something to ignore the pain. Her bedroom was a mess, just like her now; scribbled papers were scattered casually across the wooden desk that held her computer, the windows dusty and blocked by cheap white blinders, her bed was a hurricane of purple blankets, and a variety of clothes that needed to be placed in her even more untidy closet. 

            Saeb attempted to forget the emotional pain in a struggle to clean her bedroom. The chubby thirteen-year old girl switched her computer on, and stuck one of her favorite CD discs in the hard drive. Her sensitive ears were filled with Japanese rock music, and she turned the volume louder so no one would infer that she was crying in her room. Saeb, still clothed in worn blue pajamas hummed lightly to herself, picking up the little papers on the carpet and putting them in the brown trashcan next to the computer.

She would have to face Idre in school… tomorrow.

 *****

           

Classes were always a pain in the rear and to the brain, one of the reasons why Saeb favored lunch very much. Lunch was a time to relax in her opinion, to talk and hang around with your friends, to satisfy your stomach with food despite the fact that the cafeteria’s food wasn’t as healthy as one would think. Saeb was resting on the large cement steps of the playground, her head employing her black backpack as a pillow, while her two other friends, both boys, were chatting and plotting pranks on nearby students.

            The sky was so blue as to be akin to the waters of the sea, accentuating the fiery sun as it rained its warm rays on Saeb’s childish face. The chilly breeze made her shiver lightly under her black jacket and loose pants. Saeb was oblivious to anything except her bothersome thoughts of depression, sighing sadly when she couldn’t distract herself with the Japanese comic books her other friends were reading a few steps away. It was peaceful and nice for a moment, until a tomboy, Idre Sbor, came out of the cafeteria door, effectively destroying the mood.

            Saeb instantly tensed, her numb body unmoving aswhen the gangster look alike stepped into her resting place to talk to the boys on the side of Saeb. The tomboy looked down on her, and said. “Saeb, let’s solve this problem.”

You don’t get it do you? The chubby girl questioned mentally, giving her ex-friend a blank look, which was her feeble wall of defense. We’re not friends anymore, you’re only making my life worse… You’ll just use me again, then when you don’t like me anymore, you’ll throw me away like you did before…

Another noisy argument between Saeb and Idre began as Idre’s empty promises and Saeb’s counters were exchanged. The usual shouts of curses, blended with persuasion, the loud voices enough to force the whole school to stare at the two girls who used to act like close friends. These arguments werealways as harsh as the wintry gale, the breezes ruthless enough to break even the hardest of ice.

“You’re just using me!”

“No I’m not! I’m trying to help you! Maybe you should get up your behind and actually solve the problem yourself!”

“You’re freakin’ making it worse!”

What Idre was trying to do was to actually help Saeb with her problems at home, but she only added insult to injury, pressuring the chubby girl awfully and bothering her everyday about it, distracting her from her schooling.

“Your mom and I have a better relationship then you!” Now that was a dreadful insult, and it wounded Saeb’s pride. How dare she? The bell rang like an alarm clock, startling the students and reminding them of the classes they had yet to attend that day. Saeb was relieved that her next classes were not as demanding as before, while each class came and went just as her friends did.

*****

“Did Idre bother you at school again?” Saeb’s mother asked while she drove the silver Durango car. School was over, and Saeb had jumped into the silver car with her younger brother, Chester, who was a scrawny boy wearing pale pants and a basic green shirt.

“Yeah… she said that… I don’t forgive people, I’m grumpy, and she said that you and her have a better relationship then me and you.” the black-haired girl answered, crossing her arms doggedly as she sat in the back seat of the car with her two younger siblings. Her mother, Ameyat, chuckled like always, attempting to cheer Saeb away from the depression.

“Well, it is true that you don’t forgive people, and you are grumpy, but I don’t think she should have said that after the good things you did for her.”

Saeb pouted, her expression darkening. “Well, I only forgive people if they truly mean they’re sorry and it’s not my fault that I’m grumpy. You can blame it on stress from school!” Ameyat changed the topic hastily.

“Ha! Idre thought that me and her have a better relationship?!” Ameyat laughed some more, as though she found the whole situation humorous, but on the inside, she worried that all these friend problems would affect Saeb’s grades.

“Funny thing though Mom,” Saeb paused, feeling her voice cracking up to sobs. “It seems though my days just get worse.” 

“Aww, that’s not true!” Ameyat protested, trying to comfort her oldest daughter by patting Saeb’s tanned hands with her large ones. One of Saeb’s siblings, May, the baby girl of their family, cried at her mother’s diverted attention. The driver tittered and patted the jealous, yet cute baby on her little feet, leaving the oldest sibling, Saeb, looking out the window with a distant expression.

Anonymous and diminutive stores, teenagers of diverse faces and ages, and dozens of everyday houses crossed Saeb’s line of vision as her mother, who could be mistaken for her older sister, drove the car with frightening speed down the gray road. The leather seat was chilly despite the warmth of Saeb’s body, and she shifted slightly so she could position her black backpack on her lap. It was getting hard for her to speak again.

“Oh yeah? My other friend Ann just told me yesterday that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.” She was getting emotional and she hated it, and hated herself because of it. Her mother was unable to find even a word of consolation for the remainder of the drive home.

*****

Back in the sanctuary of her room, the thirteen-year old stared at the computer screen, frozen like a zombie. Curse you, writer’s block, you are evil. The diminutive girl glared at the screen with something akin to hate, unable to think of anything for her latest homework assignment, due May 27. Saeb was supposed to write a story – any kind of story – for her English Class, but alas, her fried brain was out of ideas.

Suddenly her mother burst into her room, sympathy firmly planted on her face. Woopie, here comes another lecture. The older woman made her way to Saeb, and gave her daughter a fierce embrace, letting Saeb’s face rest on the crook of Ameyat’s shoulder. Saeb lowered her head, welcoming the hug . Her mother must be feeling worried and sad for what had happened. Like any mother would have done, Ameyat whispered words of solace, rubbing her daughter’s back with her large hands.

“Friends come and go,” Saeb heard her mother whisper to her. Ameyat tenderly cradled her oldest daughter like a baby, and Saeb didn’t protest. “If you want, I can be your best friend instead,” she offered kindly, but her daughter sniffled emotionally and shook her head frantically, she had learned her lesson about getting attached to someone – and have that someone push you away because they didn’t like you.

“No, no, I don’t want anymore best friends…” the teenager murmured as she held on to her mother for the support that she needed right now. Ameyat was a strong and independent woman who could control her emotions. Saeb envied her that. In fact, Ameyat was the boss of the house, and not her dad, which is why Saeb deeply respected her mother and wanted to be a strong as her. However…

If I keep on crying like this, I’ll never be strong… I hate being emotional! “I just want friends, I don’t want to have best friends anymore…” Why should I? All the best friends I ever have only used me, never truly accepted me, or understand me. I don’t want to hurt anymore; I want this pain to stop…

“That’s okay,” her Mom replied, but she didn’t ask why. They remained in the same position for some time until Saeb wasn’t running the waterworks. The older woman broke away from the embrace, confidently smiled at her daughter, and stroked Saeb’s long ebony hair with care. “Why don’t you eat some ice cream? It’ll make you feel better,” Ameyat offered to her daughter, who shook her head and turned the offer down.

“No thanks, I’m fine.” Saeb managed to crack a small smile while her Mom gave her a worried glance and exited the bedroom. The teenager didn’t know why, but even with the comfort of her friends and family, the pain was still there. While Saeb focused on her computer once more and still didn’t come up with an idea to write about, her contemplations wandered dreamily, carelessly, as Saeb listened to rock music once again. A Japanese rock band called Dir En Grey played their unique and soothing music throughout Saeb’s bedroom, comforting Saeb in its own way.

Why does it hurt? she asked herself, shaking her head slightly. Her theory was that Ann Ican was her best friend for four years while Idre Sbor was her best friend for nearly a year. It maybe a simple and stupid topic to anyone, but it was very important to Saeb Tecri because those two previous friends were the closest ones she had. Now that they didn’t like her for something that she couldn’t fix, Saeb felt extreme betrayal and hurt. If friendship hurts that much, then no way in hell I’m getting a boyfriend. she joked to herself, now typing her ideas in the computer. Saeb Tecri worked on her story for the rest of the afternoon, finally distracting herself from the weight of depression.

****

The kitchen of the Tecri’s house was a twister of untidiness. Plates were dirty with Filipino food of the chicken and rice variety, and they were spread all over the unclean kitchen sink. More food that even Saeb couldn’t identify were smudged playfully on the hard kitchen floor like paint, except that when you stepped on it, it felt disgusting on your feet, and it wasn’t exactly a ‘good’ work of art. The dining table was terribly out of order; many food items like salt and used plates didn’t belong there. It only made everything harder that the living room wasn’t kept in shape, meaning that Saeb’s younger brother, Chester have to clean it up.

The two, Saeb and Chester, cleaned the kitchen and the living room each night, since this was thier chore. When the two would start cleaning, Saeb would usually hear her brother’s complaints and in return, Saeb would shut him up, literally. Today however, Saeb didn’t have the strength to scold her sibling or tell him to help her around. She was tired from all the tears she had shed, she felt a headache building, and she was cranky. This did not make for a tolerant sister, and Chester was soon to suffer her wrath.

“Saeb! Clean the floor now!” Chester tried to order her around as he yelled at her. Saeb gave her brother an irate glare, her mood completely changing from gloominess to grumpiness. 

“Why. Don’t. You. Clean. It,” she muttered through clenched teeth, holding out a very large, and very sharp knife that at once pricked her and caused her fingers to bleed. Saeb appeared murderous with that knife; just add the blood on her white pajamas and crazy eyes and police would have thought her a suicidal criminal. Her brother hesitated, stepping away cautiously and into the ordinary yet messy living room, but bravely held his ground.

“No, you clean it!” Chester shouted doggedly,causing his older sister to flinch in pure annoyance. The sister grumbled to herself, ignoring Chester, who started to gather May’s toys from the blue-carpeted floor of the living room. Saeb and her younger brother cleaned all the mess on the living room and kitchen. They cleaned the floor using dustpans and a vacuum; Chester wiped the kitchen table clean with a wet blue sponge and Saeb washed the dishes, which took nearly forever since there were so many dirty plates.

Then, the glossy wooden door was free from the locks, and out came May, an adorable three-year-old baby who was dramatically pretending to cry. The sound was piercing and annoying, like the sound of a scratched and out-of-tune violin. One would think she was nothing but pure innocence with that angelic face of hers, but the baby was spoiled and often threw tantrums to get what she wanted. Ameyat called her a jealous baby, because if Ameyat would ever turn her attention away from May, the baby would besides May, the baby would pretend to be hurt.

Saeb was annoyed, her eyebrows narrowed together in pure irritation. Her brother, her baby sister, and even the whole family bothered her like there was no tomorrow. Now her baby sister was pretending to cry again. When May grew up, Saeb was sure the youngest sibling in the family would make an excellent actress. The teen sighed in exasperation and tried to ignore her sibling.

Though she didn’t want to deal with her baby sister, Saeb wanted May to stop her loud, irritating crying.  She wanted to go to her room and listen to Dir En Grey as she typed her story onto the computer. Saeb wanted peace, and the next thing she knew she was telling her baby sister to shut up. It proved to be her biggest mistake.

Saeb let a tired sigh dragged out of her mouth. “Shut up!”

Suddenly, her mother came out of the bedroom, her face lit with fury that Saeb had dared speak to her sister in anger. Shoulders were stiff under the white gown she was wearing, the contours of her mouth was lined into a furious sneer, her black pupils were unnaturally large and scary, making her appear like meanest mother alive.

“Saeb! Stop shouting at her like that!” Her mother yelled. Ameyat picked up May from the kitchen floor, and calmed the baby by kissing her cheeks and cuddling her. Saeb said nothing, and would have snorted rebelliously if her mother didn’t say the next words.

“No wonder you don’t have any friends! You’re grumpy and bitchy!”

Saeb froze for a moment, as if she didn’t comprehend the words well enough, or as if she was taking the sentence slowly into her conscious, letting her mind understand it more. Everything in her world seemed to stop in midair, as if somebody had pushed a button and paused her life. The only objects on Saeb’s face that didn’t freeze were the clear tears coming from her eyes, wetting her round cheeks, and dropping softly down to her pajamas.

Those words hurt.

Saeb slammed her bedroom door shut, and switched her computer and the music on. Saeb didn’t sob this time; she didn’t have time to. She impassively let the water dots roll down her face, and damnit she didn’t care. The teenager just stared at the computer again, deeply hurt at her mother’s words. It hurt so much to her, especially coming from her mother. What hurt the most is that the words were true. Saeb was grumpy and bitchy some of the time, but that was caused by stress. She couldn’t help it. Nothing could get rid of the stress that caused her face to darken and her mood to bitter.

Her only stress reliever was her violin, but she couldn’t play it anymore because it didn’t feel right when she didn’t have any lessons from it. Still, coming from her mother… Saeb felt betrayed. She told her mother everything that happened in her life, and her mother used it against her!

****

The next morning at lunch, everything was back to normal. Saeb found out that Idre had been forced to leave the school, because her cousin snitched on her about a certain fight Idre was involved. Saeb and her friends actually celebrated since they were tired of the troublemaker girl.

“Whoo! Did you hear? Idre moved!” Palu yelled animatedly. He was a light-skinned boy with gorgeous dark brown hair, emerald eyes filled with laughter, and thick pouting lips that would sneer at anyone who made fun of him. He was the joker of the two people Saeb hung out with, and he was usually loose and laid back. His clothes reflected his personality, light blue slacks; large white T-shirt and large white Nike shoes adorned his feet. His taller friend, who was often featured as one of those dorky kids, replied.

“Yeah, so?” 

“So? So?!” Saeb nearly cried in delight. She celebrated by waltzing around the playground steps, gesturing her hands in circle movements, moving her purple clad legs as her green T-shit wrinkled. “No more friend problems!” she shouted in joy.

“Yeah! No more Idre messing with my hair!” Palu shouted with her as he watched the suddenly happy girl. Naldo, the tallest of the three, merely shrugged, as if he didn’t care.

 “You and your hair, Palu,” he muttered sarcastically, which caused Saeb to laugh.

“Still though, it’s much better without her around,” Saeb told Naldo logically. The three friends nodded in agreement.

Saeb wasn’t depressed anymore, and it wasn’t because Idre was exiled from school, but because her mother’s mean words had snapped her out of it, although she didn’t know why or how. It didn’t matter to Saeb right now, because she would rather spend time with her friends then be stuck in depression.

*****

            Weeks later, Saeb Tecri was no longer thinking such thoughts. Her mother apologized, and Saeb’s days didn’t grow too sour any longer. This day, Saeb Tecri, adorned in blue general hospital uniform, which acted as her nightclothes, stood in front of the main door that lead out of her house. She was waiting for one of her friends, Zita Bale, to come to her house for today. The two planned to do some homework together, most likely help each other about the story they were both stuck on. 

Saeb was worried though because she was letting another friend inside her house, which was like letting someone get close to you. She had let Idre Sbor in and now felt scared to let anybody grow close to her. After what had happened a few weeks before, her heart had that swirled with hatred for Ann Ican and Idre Sbor, had constructed strong defensive walls to hide it. Like what she said to her mother, Saeb refused to have another best friend.

 It was a fact that the more you knew about someone, the more you wound up hurting when that person decides to leave you. To Saeb, it was a way to stop the hurting and the pain, which was why she was worried that she was getting attached to another person, like Zita Bale.

            The wooden door unlocked like someone opening a surprise present. A young Spanish girl, dressed in a red Sweatshirt and black jeans, came inside with a friendly smile on her face. This was Zita. To Saeb, she was completely different from Palu or Naldo, and she was so hard to describe that the only word that could fit her personality was unpredictable.

“Hi Zita! What do you want to do first? Homework or play games?” Saeb offered properly, but inside, she was dying. Reminiscences of Idre Sbor coming to visit her every week drifted in to her mind like smoke, confusing her, and Saeb suddenly felt nervous and defensive.

What if she leaves me like the others? What if she doesn’t like me? What if she uses me like Idre? What if she makes my life worse? I don’t want anymore pain! I don’t want to get close to anyone anymore…

            The black-haired visitor gave her the slightest of shrugs, and Saeb found herself smiling faintly. “Okay, wanna play games first?”

“Okay, sure.” Zita nodded, and both girls went to Saeb’s not so untidy bedroom to play Mortal Kombat games. The things they did were play games, watch Anime cartoons, go on the Internet to read and make fun of things and so on. They had fun and they were relaxed and loose. Now they actually worked on homework, and Saeb was currently typing on the computer for her story. The teenager with black braids on her back, Zita, was looking over her shoulder, her large black eyes reading the text.

Saeb handed Zita a chocolate bar, which Zita took thankfully. The girl on the computer chair suddenly looked distant again, and asked Zita a question unexpectedly.

“Hey Zita, do you have any best friends?” Zita gave her a look that practically said ‘Huh?’ The Spanish girl paused for a minute, nibbling on the chocolate bar.

“Hmmm, no, why?” 

“Oh, just asking,” Saeb muttered, “since you know what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I lost two of them already.” Saeb had told her what happened – about Idre, Ann, and even the mean words her mother had spat at her. Saeb cracked a smile to make the scene less sullen.

“Heck, do you wanna see what they wrote to me?” The Filipino girl searched in her computer for the certain files where her best friend’s words that they posted on the Internet were saved. The two closest friends she had lost had written something to or about her when they were all arguing. “Okay, here we go.” This file came from Ann Ican, and it stated:

hi 2 all u peeps!

i stopped bein mai best fren's fren cuz it was gettin on mai nerves. she wuld pick all her anger on her frens cuz she is lyk grumpy all da time, but it doesnt mean dat she culd take it out on her frens cuz they didnt du aniding 2 her so y shuld she b mean 2 dem! Sheesh! she has big f**in problems n i dont give a shit bout her animore! she also take dings 2 seriously even wen i was jokin around just 4 fun! she is not a best fren...she is a BAD person so...yea. dats all i hav 2 say bout her 4 now... i'll say more wen i want 2...so...yea

“So, what do you think?” Saeb piped up, already read this many times. The grumpy part and her and being serious was true, but everything else was false.

“That’s just messed up, and the person can’t spell!” Zita cried absurdly as Saeb laughed naturally.

“Yeah, what kind of a friend is that if they don’t stick through the worst times of your life?” the other girl questioned in wonder.

“Pssh, not a good one!”

“That’s just it. I don’t want to get close to anybody anymore. So, you got any advice on how not to get emotionally involved with anybody?” Saeb inquired jokingly. Zita shrugged again.

“I don’t know, I just stay neutral. If I see a fight, I walk away and don’t get involved in it,” Zita answered as if it was the easiest question in the world. This was what Saeb meant by her unpredictability; one moment Zita could be nuzzling on a cute Sephiroth Plushy--a character from Final Fantasy VII-- and the next moment she could say the wisest words, like just now.

Saeb smiledoptimistically, her recollections of Ann and Idre floating away like a broken dream. She finally let go. “So basically, you go with the people with the same interests and you stay neutral, right?” she asked, wanting clarification. Zita nodded cheerfully.

            The two friends laughed at Ann Ican’s terrible spelling, and did more activities in Saeb’s room like watching movies while pointing out the romance hints and other notions that they could come up with. It was strange in its own twisted way; Saeb was isolating herself from others, leaving her alone, which she somewhat feared at times. However, Zita’s words gave her support and even though Saeb was still afraid to get close to anyone, she moved on and no longer thought of what she had lost. It didn’t change the fact that she didn’t want to have best friends again, but it was a good start to make herself stronger.

“Hey, Zita…”

“What?”

Saeb flashed her a triumphed smile. “I finally came up with a title of my story!”

“What is your story about anyway?”  Zita asked her, confused. If it were physically possible, Saeb would have sweat-dropped like those anime shows. “It’s about this girl who loses two friends right? Then she didn’t want to get close anymore.”

“Ahh, what’s the title?”

Another victorious smile covered Saeb’s lips.

 “Getting Attached.” 

 

*****

An: I don’t really expect people to review my work here, but it would be appreciated.