Okay, I made a slight but hardly noticeable revision. It just adds a bit more detail and character history. Thanks to Bitterswt-Delights for the
suggestion!

Chapter1

Oh God, what now? He was enveloped in dark night, dark blood carrying with it a river of rage that had brought him to this point. And the horror of it suddenly shone with the clarity of his face in the mirror. How could this have happened, he wondered, tears blurring his vision as he stared at his reflection, searching for whatever imperfection had been his downfall. When he closed his eye's, he saw Tony's face, and the liquid pain welled up in his brown eyes again. Robert didn't understand, couldn't understand. It wasn't true, or perhaps he simply didn't want it to be true. Brushing tears away with his wrists, those tears that his father had always scolded him for shedding, Robert splashed his face with water and turned off the bathroom light. He made his way to his darkened bedroom and slumped down on his bed, letting the fleece pillows tickle his cheek. As the silence of the evening enveloped him, he bowed his head, his body trembling with the last remnants of emotion that had left him weak. "God, "he prayed silently, "God, you know what's in my heart better than anyone. Please, please help me." Sighing, Robert leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes. He needed to sleep, but Dam it it was always the same thing. Would he ever be able to close his eyes again without seeing Tony's face? Suddenly, the lost feeling was gone, replaced once again by the rage that coursed through his vanes like quicksilver, seeping through his skin and into his very bones, poisoning his mind and blackening his once tender heart. Dam it! He punched his pillow in frustration. Why! Why did he have to be the way he was! He didn't understand it. It hadn't been easy coming to terms with it all. God how he'd remembered that struggle, the years of fighting the relentless monster within him. He knew that the moment he gave in to its persistence, it would consume him, devouring his life like the beast it was, so he'd fought it, let it mar his heart with punishing scars while outwardly he smiled and kept the hideous monster behind his gentle façade. He'd always known he was different than the other boys. He couldn't quite explain how he knew, even when he was little, but something separated him from them, an invisible barrier that kept him in his own world. With another sigh, Robert stood and went to the window, pulling up the shade to gaze out at the winter evening. How many nights had he stood here, staring up at the sky, letting the moonlight wrap his young, toned, hard body in its silver blanket? How many times had Robert gazed up at those stars, the tangible reminders that God's invisible angels were watching over him? But tonight there was no, moon. Tonight there were no stars. The night was as dark as Robert's mood. Mechanically he undressed and crawled beneath the covers, wrapping himself in blankets more for the comfort than for the warmth. He lay there and let his mind wander, remembering the moment when he'd first discovered the truth about himself. He shivered with the remembrance of it, thinking of how he forced himself to hide behind a façade, how he'd forced himself to fit in with the other boys. He didn't suppose he'd ever be able to set himself free, and he'd fought desperately with this other self, this seemingly separate person that threatened to invade his life. He knew that its possession of him would be his downfall, and he continued to fight it. Then Robert had met Tony. He involuntarily smiled at the thought of the name. Tony had seen through that carefully constructed disguise. Tony's eyes had gently stripped away Robert's mask and found beneath it a boy like himself, searching, struggling, lost. That had been 6 years ago. They'd been only 15 at the time. They'd stood by each other through the acne and agony characteristic of the high school experience, basking in each other's company and yet too naïve to comprehend the attraction. They'd wondered if the distance of several thousand miles would slowly spread between them once college began. Tony would be attending the University of Florida, choosing to remain in his own state. Robert, on the other hand, had been accepted to Johns Hopkins. Surprisingly, this created no tension between the two boys. Robert marveled at how their friendship had taken root in both of their hearts and grown into something that neither of them could have anticipated. The more Tony helped Robert to find his way, the more Robert clung desperately to him. He never imagined that there might be a time when he wouldn't feel the comforting weight of Tony's hand on his shoulder, and then it was over. Robert absently ran a long-fingered hand through his dark brown hair that was just faintly tinted with red. Turning onto his side, he pulled the blankets higher up around his shoulders and fixed his brown, chocolate- colored eyes on the small, wrapped package on his bedside table. Tony's Christmas present, the one he wouldn't let Robert give to him. Dam it! Why did he have to do this, and just before Christmas! No explanation, no warning. They hadn't even talked. Robert could still feel Tony's hand on his, gently forcing the package into his hand, his voice torn by some invisible pain within him. "I'm sorry, Robert. I just can't do this anymore." Just like that, so quickly and inexplicably he'd brought down the curtain on Robert's life. With shaking hands, Robert pulled back the red and gold paper and stared down at the tiny bottle of cologne clenched tightly in his fist. Suddenly, gripped by an anger that rippled through his blood like stormy seas, Robert stood. With his bare feet planted firmly on the carpeted floor, he flung the bottle against the wall at the opposite end of his bedroom. He watched as shards of glass flew around the room, tiny fragments of it making stinging contact with his skin. As Robert stood there, he felt as though he were watching his own heart explode into thousands of splintered pieces that could never be repaired.