"I was in the bathroom", Martin told everyone with an almost apologetic shrug. "When I came out, I heard Doug's voice. I knew he was supposed to be gone, so I decided to check it out. He was looking the other way, holding onto Miss Diana. He didn't see me. He, he sounded like he wanted to kill her." He shrugged again, as if to say "The rest you know."

It had taken both Jack and Ian to convince Diana to lay down her poker. Reluctantly she allowed them to take it from her, never once taking her eyes off of Doug. Emmett had yelled to Melinda to call the sheriff's office and had magically produced a rope from somewhere. Doug had been quickly restrained with little effort and shepherded downstairs. The fight had gone out of him, completely demoralized from being bested by a woman and a fourteen year old boy. Now everyone was back in the dining room, the breakfast things cleaned away, where they had been giving their statements to the sheriff himself. Martin was the last.

Jack had been leaning against the wall watching Diana watch Martin tell his story. She was nibbling on a leftover sausage patty wrapped in a pancake, having rather missed breakfast. Jack still hadn't calmed down from their fight upstairs when they all heard a new fight complete with screaming. He was sure every hair in his head had turned white from the horrors his mind had conjured up before he reached the top of the stairs. What he hadn't expected was to find Diana playing Xena Warrior Princess with a fireplace tool. His nervous system was still vibrating from the emotional cocktail of adrenaline, fear and relief. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled. Then he wanted to make love to her until they rattled again.

But it didn't seem as if he'd get his chance to do either anytime soon. Despite his casual words upstairs, Ian had been severely shaken by what had almost happened to his sister. He hovered protectively behind her chair. He frequently reached out and touched her arm, shoulder or hair as if to reassure himself that she was really there.

"What I want to know," spoke up Virginia, "Is how he has been getting into the house."

Emily clutched her throat. "To think that pervert has been wandering these halls at night while we slept! Do you think he's been peeking at us?"

Virginia's eyes twinkled. "Welllll", she drawled, "You can always hope."

"Ladies, please," the Sheriff interrupted tiredly. "Let's get back on the subject."

"Martin has already told you all he knows about it, Sheriff." Glenn, his face a strange mixture of fear and pride, patted his grandson's arm reassuringly. "He only came in at the ass end of this whole thing."

The sheriff turned once again to Diana. "Miss Stanley, maybe you can clarify some things for me."

"I'll try."

"Fine, fine. Now according to your statement, Doug Smith had rigged the widow's walk to fall."

"That's what he said. He was trying to get everyone out of the house so he could look for the treasure that he believed to be here."

The sheriff cast a dirty look at Emmett. "Well, you run that risk when you tell people you have treasure in your home."

Diana was quick to the defense. "But Emmett told us that first night that he believed the stories about Roan Davis to be just that. Stories. And in spite of everything, I'm not convinced they're still not."

"What is this about a letter?"

Emmett spoke up. "According to legend, Davis was supposed to have left a letter leaving clues to where he had hidden his treasure."

"And Doug said he had found this letter, although I didn't see it."

"According to what he told my deputy, he found it hidden inside of an old picture frame he bought at a nearby estate sale. So if he had directions to the treasure, why did he need everyone to leave?"

Jack spoke up. "My guess, Sheriff, is that beyond the location of the house, he hadn't been able to figure out the clues. So he needed to hunt. And there were just too many people around to hunt the way he wanted to. And with all of us at least playing like we were looking for treasure, too, he probably felt like time was against him."

"So stage an accident, everyone goes home or to the hospital and he is free to look around."

Diana shrugged. "That's what he said, too."

"But the accident didn't happen the way he planned. Which leads me to", looking at his notes, he shook his head in disbelief, "dancing chickens?"

"I'm afraid that's my fault, too", declared Emmett. His friends protested loudly. "No, I was the one who told stories not only of treasure but of ghosts as well. Smith obviously decided to use -"

"Oh, balls!" Virginia stated hotly. Melinda looked at her in surprise and giggled. "Hogwash. Horse puckey. Nothing makes me madder than someone trying to take the blame for what some other ignoramus tries to pull. None of this is your fault, Emmett. This is all Doug Smith and J.T. Ross. Tweedledee and Tweedle-damn-dumb."

"By the way" said Diana, "Doug said that Ross was waiting in the car. Did you find him?"

"Yes, yes," the Sheriff said impatiently. "We have him in custody, too. Now -"

"So, what did he have to say?" asked Emily. "I always thought he had a shifty look."

"He admitted to everything except he claims he never played a part in trying to hurt anyone."

Glenn snorted. "Oh, yeah, he's Simon pure."

"Please! Let me get back to the subject."

"Doug was just stupid, man" Ian jeered. "Trying to scare people with phony ghosts. We see scarier stuff on TV."

"Well, Ian, I was pretty scared last night."

"And I thought that poltergeist looked pretty realistic", breathed Emily.

"Yeah, but, scary is one thing and scary enough to leave in the middle of the night is another. He's read too many books, or something."

"People, PLEASE!"

Everyone fell silent. "Yes, Sheriff?" Emmett asked. "You had a question?"

The Sheriff sighed. "I thought I did."

Diana leaned forward. "Sheriff, you said that Doug told you about the letter. Did he tell you how he had been getting back into the house?"

The Sheriff again looked at his notes. "Yes, he said that the letter told of a secret door."

Emmett was stunned. "What! I have never come across any references to a secret door in all of my research."

"According to Smith, the door is in the back of the house and was originally used as a way to sneak out for nighttime romps with female slaves. Smith said it is directly in line with the ruins of some slave quarters."

"I saw those from Melinda's bedroom," remembered Diana. "The door must be directly below."

"Smith said that according to the letter, this was the door Roan Davis used to come and go as he committed his crimes. The letter claimed that Davis found it by accident."

"Maybe", suggested Jack, "The reason you never found any reference to it, was because it was secret. The master of the house might not have wanted his wife to know about his nocturnal activities. But women are notoriously nosy. If he had written it down somewhere, she would have found out about it." Every set of female eyes in the room glared at him. "Well, am I lying?"

"Sooo", Diana mused, "If Roan Davis was so forthcoming with all of this information, why didn't he just say where the treasure is?"

Jack looked at her thoughtfully. "I know that look, D. You have a theory."

"It was the way the note in the fireplace safe was worded. 'Find the lock for this key and the laugh is on me.' I think there is no lock for that key. I think the reason Doug never figured out the clues in the letter was because they were phony. I think the reason Davis never told anyone where to find his treasure was because there was no treasure to find. I think this is just a 150 year old practical joke." But even as Diana said this, she frowned, thinking of the lights that led her to the safe. Would those lights, whatever they were, have tried so hard to communicate with her just to perpetuate a joke?

Glenn whistled. "Kind of a he-who-laughs-last-laughs-best type of thing? Hint there was a treasure, leave phony clues and then laugh all through the afterlife while fools like Doug look for it?"

"Something like that." Put that way, maybe perpetuating a joke was as good a reason as any.

The Sheriff went over their stories, rehashing them, picking out points for clarification for about another hour. Once he was satisfied he left with Doug and his deputy in tow. Glenn slumped back in his chair. "Well, sheeeeeeit! This beats all I've ever seen. Martin, boy, I'm too old for this kind of excitement."

"I'm sorry, Grandpa. But I really didn't do so much. I though I was protecting Miss Diana, but ends up she protected me", he said dejectedly.

"Hey, you." Diana took his hand and kissed it. Martin blushed to his hair roots. "Doug had a knife on me. If it wasn't for you knocking the knife out of the way, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do anything. That makes you my hero." They didn't think Martin could blush any harder but he did.

Glenn checked the bruise Doug left on Martin's face for about the twentieth time. "This is going to be the mother of all shiners, boy. We'll have to slap a steak on it when we get home."

"I had him down, Grandpa; I had my whole weight on him."

"There's a lot more to fightin' than weight. It's knowing how to use that weight. There's also experience and sneakiness and meanness. On those Doug just had you outclassed."

"I wish you all could have seen Miss Diana. She was awesome. I told her to run, but she wouldn't."

"I've spent the last several years of my life taking care of a teenage boy, Martin. I guess I never got out of the habit." Diana looked around the table brightly. "I wonder when lunch will be."

Jack's eyes popped in disbelief. "Lunch? Jesus Christ, lunch?"

Diana sighed. She had hoped she could wait to do her groveling when Jack was less in the mood to let her. "Shush up, you", she commanded, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the kitchen. "Excuse us folks, Jack and I need to have a conversation." Silently she led him through the kitchen and out onto the back porch. Jack eyed her skeptically, wary of her meekness and seeming willingness to let him rant. He opened his mouth to do just that when she totally floored him with, "I'm sorry, Jack." Throwing herself into his arms, she kissed him urgently, raining kisses on his face, mouth, throat, repeating, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Jack tightened his arms around her, burying his hands into her hair. Diana, tired of standing on tiptoe, pulled herself up and wrapped her legs around his waist. She encircled his neck with her arms and buried her face in his throat. Jack stroked her back with comforting hands.

"Hey, D, you really know how to kill a good mad." Diana looked at him with such a tragic expression he almost dropped her in surprise. "Hey, what's this? Delayed reaction?"

"All I kept thinking about was that I didn't want to die and have our last words be angry ones. I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry we didn't leave when you wanted to, I'm sorry I put you through this." She buried her face in his shirt.

"Oh, baby, it's OK. Shh-shh. D, look at me." He lifted her face to meet his gaze. He caressed her face tenderly. "We're going to fight sometime, D. That's what couples do. That doesn't mean I don't love you in the most sickeningly sappy way possible."

Diana couldn't help a grin. "Couple?"

"That's what we are now, D, a couple."

"I like the sound of that." Diana looked at him seriously. "Will you still be my best friend?" she asked in a small voice.

"You bet."

Her smile was pure sunshine and it took his breath away. "I love you, too, Jack. In the most sickeningly sappy way possible."

"Good, let's go see if we can scare up some lunch."

But Mrs. Babineaux had lunch waiting for them when they got back to the dining room, consisting of grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and tall glasses of milk. Emily had her address book out and was recording Emmett and Glenn's address. "Oh, Diana, I have to have yours, too. I just hope we can stay friends and not lose touch once the weekend is over." She sniffed loudly.

"Oh, give it a rest, Emily. Ian has already informed me that along with Emmett the rest of us have been adopted into the Stanley family. Something tells me that's a lifelong commitment."

Glenn took Virginia by the arm and, repeating Diana's example from earlier, led her towards the kitchen. "Which reminds me, Ginny, I've got my own commitment I'd like to discuss."

Virginia grinned over her shoulder at Diana and winked as she went through the door. "Do tell."

"Miss Diana," Martin began shyly, "I hope if you're ever in Oklahoma you'll come see me play football sometimes."

"Well, having been on the receiving end of one of your tackles, I look forward to seeing one from the stands. And Oklahoma is not that far. I just might surprise you. And Emmett," she added turning to the older man. "Consider yourself invited to Thanksgiving *and* Christmas dinner."

He twinkled at her. "I just might surprise you."

Emily was idly fingering her address book, looking rather forlorn. Diana sat down next to her and took her hand. "Emily, what's wrong?"

Sighing, she looked wistfully towards the kitchen door. "I think I may have lost my traveling partner."

"I doubt it. Knowing Glenn, I imagine the twosome has become a threesome."

Jack grinned at her wickedly. "Hey, Emily, are you into ménage a trios?"

Emily's mouth rounded into a shocked silent O. Finally she laughed. "Oh, you."

Soon everyone was packing up and preparing to leave, sorry to go but ready to resume their lives. Virginia was hugging everyone, much to their surprise. Her eyes were sparkling, but she was staying mum about her discussion with Glenn. Phone numbers were exchanged along with promises to keep in touch. Finally Jack had managed to drag Diana out to the car. She looked around. "Aren't we forgetting someone?"

"I saw Ian and Melinda heading for the gazebo. They're saying their goodbyes, promising to write or email or IM or call or whatever."

Diana wiped the sweat from her face. "Well I doubt they will be at it for long. It's too hot out here for too much romance."

"Oh I don't know." Jack circled her waist, pulled her closer and nuzzled her ear. "I doubt there could ever be too much romance."

Diana turned in his arms and leaned against him comfortably. Jack rested his chin on the top of her head. They gazed at the ugly house together; each of them thinking about how much had changed in such a short time.

"So", Jack mumbled above her. "What do you want to do *next* weekend?"

"Oh I don't know. I thought maybe we could go to Baton Rouge and see the USS Kidd." Jack smiled at her lovingly, recognizing the gesture for what it was.

Jack nuzzled her ear again and kissed her temple. "Are you sorry you didn't find the treasure, D?"

Diana looked up at him, her eyes shining bright. "Why should I be?" She hugged Jack tightly. "I already have mine."

End