Dreams are strange things aren't they? They can take you everywhere and anywhere you want. You can be anyone and everyone you want. Then suddenly you are nowhere. No one. Dreams aren't real, and yet while you are dreaming them they are so real, so real that nothing else is real. Yet when you are awake dreams aren't there anymore and they're not real. I'm not sure that dreams aren't the real thing and waking up is the big fake.

My dreams are all the same nowadays. I'm always standing on the ledge with screaming, growling at my back and the dark abyss at my front. I always have a choice. Face the animals gone mad, or fall into the black abyss. Everytime i choose to fall. To jump.

I think that the dream represents my life really. I'm always on the edge of the knife with everything. I have the animals gone mad which represents the pressures of my life, which everyday push me a little closer to the edge because i don't want to have to look back even though i can feel them pushing me to the ground, over the edge. Into the abyss. What does the abyss represent? I don't know really, maybe the things to come in my life. Maybe when i choose the abyss my subconcious is trying to tell me that i'll die before i finally sort my problems out.

When i'm falling into the blackness there is no demons trying to grab me, no growling behind my back. There's nothing there to bother me because my troubles, my wild animals have gone away, because they've lost me to something more. When i'm falling like that i feel happy. Thats the only time i ever, ever feel truely happy now. When i'm falling to my possible death, my unknown.

I can never see the ground beneath me, i can never see the sides of the chasm. It feels like i will fall forever. While i'm falling i always think. I think about the people i love in my life, the people who hurt so much and i can never do anything about it. It gives me so much more time than i usually have, time so i can be the person which i hide from everyone else, for fear that they don't know me.

It makes me sad to think that i'm only ever happy when i'm dreaming something that is not real. I love my dreams of the black abyss because everytime i fall it makes things disappear more and more. I like being happy in my dream. I like not having to worry that if i don't keep moving along the dangerous edge i'm walking, i'll lose my mind. The dream always ends abruptley. To abruptely for me. I never find out what would happen if i hit the ground in my dream. The ground because maybe i never will. I don't like waking up anymore. I want to know what happens. I want to know if i get up and start running from the animals gone mad. The worries, the fears that nenver leave. As i say. I guess i'll never know. But i want too. God how i want too, i want to know what happenes.