This story was originally a project for Health Class. My teacher thought it was very good, so I decided to put it up here. It's not very long and I really have no intention of making it longer. It skips a lot of days, just to warn you.

And please review!

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November 6, 2002

I finally used up my other journal and I decided that now’s a good a time as any to begin a new one. Now, I don’t usually like writing in a journal, but I’m going to try to make myself.

My mom always gives me a journal every time I use up an old one, because, like most teens, I don’t like to walk up to her and start talking about how I feel. I don’t know why, must be just one of those things teens go through.

Anyway, my dad always says that it’s always good to start by introducing yourself, so I guess I might as well.

My name is Jessie Ballett. I’m 15 years old and have a younger half-brother, Louis, who’s two years old. My mom and dad split up when I was 5, and my mom remarried. I’m not doing so good in school, but I’m really into my Figure Skating. My favorite movie is Newsies which is about the newsboys strike of 1899 in Manhattan, New York. Not too many people have heard of that movie, but that’s probably because it’s a musical and it was made in 1992.

Well, I have to go. My mom’s yelling at me to get my homework done.

November 7, 2002

Sometimes my parents can act so much like . . . like kids!!! Mom took me shopping for some pants (against my will!), and my dad happens to show up with his new girlfriend. At first I thought no big deal because my mom and dad usually bump into each other all the time and don’t talk to each other. But then my father saw the jeans that I was trying on at the moment and made the stupidest comment about how they looked like something that came out of the eighties.

Well, mom didn’t like that comment so she started making other rude comments to him and a full scale argument began! I was so embarrassed that I went back into the changing room, took those pants off, put my old pants back on, then walked out of the store.

I hate it when they fight, especially in public!!

Anyway, my step-dad, Scott, found me walking around in the city park about two hours later. He took me to my mom’s home and she and my dad’s girlfriend - who, in some odd way, had become good friends. Go figure! - had been waiting.

Well, I got a good lecture about how irresponsible I was, and I got it even worse from my dad when Scott called him.

Parents! It’s alright that they can fight in public with each other in public, but I have to listen to them argue because if I try to just go for a walk, I get busted! Not fair!

Oh yeah, if the news that I’m grounded isn’t depressing enough, I’m also doing even more poorly in school. I got a progress report for each of my classes and the highest grade I got was a C-. That was in English.

Arg! I have a totally wacked up life!!

November 8, 2002

Thank goodness! Today’s Friday! It’s after school, and that means two days of freedom! Yay!

Friday also means that I get to go skate! Sometimes my mom takes my while my Scott watches Louis, sometimes my father takes me. Very rarely do you see the two of them at any of my practices at the same time. They always fight and it’s so embarrassing!

Tomorrow, me and a couple of my friends were supposed to be going to go to the mall, but I’m still grounded!

Well, normally my friends usually have to drag me along to the mall, because I absolutely hate shopping! Yeah, unusual for a girl my age, but then again, I’m not the average teenager either. But that doesn’t bother my friends at all. We like to compromise. They’ll do their cloths shopping (which can last for up to 2 WHOLE HOURS!), then we go somewhere I like to, like the go-cart track or the ice rink. They always complain that the rink is too cold, but I love it, and they know it. They’ll put up with it for about an hour an a half before they’re ready to call it quits although I’ve skated for 4 hours a few times. And that’s with maybe TWO five to ten minute breaks!

Oops! Dad’s calling me. I’m staying with him this week. The agony of divorce! I have to go to the rink. And the nearest rink (that I can actually use the whole rink to practice on) is about a forty-five minute drive!

Oh-well, it’s worth it. I’m getting closer and closer to landing my Axel and Double Salchow! Bye!

November 28, 2002

Um, how do I start this? Well, anyway, I came back from the hospital about a week and a half ago, but I didn’t remember that I kept a journal until my mom told me. I can’t remember what happened and why I was in the hospital, but everyone tells me there was a car accident in which my dad didn’t survive.

But I can’t remember this. I can hardly remember who I am. And I’m not joking. The doctor called it Global Amnesia.. He said that’s when a person loses their memory of who they are, but doesn’t lose any general knowledge. He said that this type isn’t really the most common type.

And I was the one who had to get it.

As I walked into my house, nothing looked familiar, it was almost like I had just been born and had not seen any of this. I was so confused and scared - and I still am!

As I read in my other journals and my last couple of entrees I see that I liked to skate and do a few other things, but now all that I guess I loved is now gone.

I don’t like not knowing who I am. I mean, what if someone walked up to me and claimed to be some relative, and asked me to go with them. I wouldn’t know if they were lying or not.

I don’t like this at all.

November 30, 2002

All my relatives and friends (at least, that’s who my mom told me they were) are over to help ‘comfort’ me in both losing my father and my memory.

But how can I have grief and be so terribly sad if I don’t even remember who my father was. My mother showed me old videos and pictures of us, but I don’t remember any of it. It’s so frustrating not knowing anything about yourself or others!!

I don’t like it. When I look in the mirror, I have this girl with a past staring back at me. Although, no matter how hard I try, I can’t figure it out. Every time I try to figure out my past, all I draw up is this big blank space.

I’m getting therapy for all this, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

December 2, 2002

My mom showed me the movie that I had called me favorite in my first entree. I don’t remember it either.

It’s weird because I don’t remember having a younger brother and here he is sitting across from me right now. I don’t remember my stepfather and he is sitting next to me.

My mom started decorating for Christmas today. Only some outside lights, but she did. My stepfather complained to her about always waiting. He asked her why she didn’t do it when the weather was still nice out.

While she was decorating, I was looking through journal entrees and photo albums trying to recognize anything, but no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to grasp anything. It seems like the more I try to remember, the more I forget.

Like earlier today. I was reading one of my books. My mom called me, and when I came back into my room, I completely forgot I was reading until I looked on my bed and saw it lying there! Then I had to re-read the whole thing so that I could remember what I had read!

I hate this whole amnesia thing! I hate it a lot!!

December 4, 2002

I can’t believe it! I remembered something. I actually remembered something! And it wasn’t something my mom or Scott had told me either!

My mother and my father are sitting at a table, talking and drinking coffee. The lights were on, so I knew that it was dark and it had been late.

Not much, I know, but it’s the first thing I can recall!

I told my mother and Scott and they both were really happy. They started calling everyone they knew, then me, my mother, Scott, and Louis all went out for some Chinese food to celebrate.

I’m so happy. Maybe the therapy is working after all!

December 6, 2002

I am starting to research on amnesia. I guess I’m a curious person.

Some things that I found out are that there are many different types of amnesia.

One is retrograde amnesia. That’s when some can’t remember things that happened immediately before the trauma (that’s the word they used.) It’s a common one.

Another common type is anterograde amnesia. That’s the opposite of retrograde. It’s when everything that happened after the trauma are forgotten.

Lacunar amnesia is when the person forgets a specific event.

There’s also Traumatic amnesia. That usually happened when someone gets a good knock on the noggin.

The one I have Global Amnesia can be a defense mechanism.

I also found that there are a lot of causes of amnesia. The ones I found the most of were:

*From a head injury

*Sever illness

*High fever

*Seizures

*Emotional shock

*Brain damage from alcohol

*Some drugs like heroin

*Stroke

*Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias

Some of the different types of amnesia can last minutes while others could last years.

I hope mine doesn’t last years. I’m struggling to get through these days as it is! Years? I don’t think I could handle it!

December 10, 2002

My mother finished decorating the house for Christmas. Some snow fell and my mother said that I used to love snow. It’s alright, I guess.

Everyone was excited when we told them that I now have a memory. Although I think it’s great that I remembered something, I then think of how many more memories I’m supposed to have and that one little memory doesn’t then feel like much. I try not to think like that. One small memory is better than no memory at all, right?

Yes.

Scott told me that after Christmas vacation, I have to go back to school.

I’m scared. I won’t remember anyone or anything there and how will they treat me?

I don’t want to go back, but I have to. There’s no way out of it.

Well, I should go.

December 15, 2002

My mother and Scott have been singing Christmas songs all day today. When I tried to join in on one of them, I couldn’t remember the words, but I did remember the tune so I hummed along with them. It was exciting! Maybe I will remember everything before school starts!

December 16, 2002

I’m so excited! I remembered something else today! Somehow or another my mother got talking about when her and my stepfather got married, and she talked about their wedding day, and I remembered the date, and she hadn’t even told me yet!!!! I’m so happy I could burst.

December 20, 2002

My mother keeps reminding me that there are five days until Christmas. I was thinking, wouldn’t it be a wonderful gift to everyone that I would regain my memory on that day?

I know, stop dreaming, but that would still be neat.

Another good thing happened to me today. My mother was singing ‘Jingle Bells’ and I started singing too! I actually remembered the words!

There’s still hope for me after all!

December 24, 2002

Today’s Christmas Eve. Nothing special has happened. I haven’t suddenly regained my memory or anything like what you’d see in the movies.

Anyway, the family came over to celebrate Christmas Eve with us. My mother said that it was a tradition that on Christmas Eve some of the family would come over. It’s cool I guess.

The only thing I didn’t like was that everyone avoided the subject of my amnesia and the accident. I didn’t like that. Every time I wanted to talk about it, they would always quickly changed the subject like it was doing me a favor but I was too stupid to realize it!

Grrr!

December 25, 2002

Christmas. I guess it didn’t go too bad. Some more of the family came over for Christmas dinner. Still, no one will talk about the accident and I want to know what happened. They don’t seem to realize that I want to know. I tried to tell them that, but the shrugged it off. One of my aunts said ‘Why do you want to remember something so horrible?’

Because it’s not the accident that I don’t remember, it’s my whole life!

December 27, 2002

I regained a huge chunk of my memory. I remember when my half brother was born! I can remember me going into the hospital and seeing my mother and stepfather in the room holding Louis.

Everyone’s so excited! I’m remembering more and more everyday. My therapist says that I’m coming along great.

December 29, 2002

I can remember almost my whole childhood now. The doctor said that in amnesia patients, they start to remember the older memories first, then the newer ones.

I can remember up to the day I started first grade. I can remember my real father. I can remember my mother. I can remember Louis, and I can remember Scott.

December 30, 2002

I will go back to school in a few more days. I’m nervous, but at least I now have some of my memory back. I might not be able to remember my friends or teachers, but I will surely try.

They had the memorial service for my father. It was so sad, especially for me. I can remember some things about him, but not enough. I still feel empty inside.

December 31, 2002

The last day of this year. As I look back at this journal, I’ve had tough things to face, but I came through them. I’ve also had exciting times as well. I may not remember everything, but at least I remember some things.

I may not remember the accident, and my doctor said I probably never will, but I don’t want to remember it anyway. That’s the one thing I don’t. That and probably the day my mom and dad got the divorce, but even then, I still kind of want to remember it.

I remember a lot and I’ll be going back to school soon.

Even though this year is almost at an end, there will be a lot of beginnings. And I can’t wait to experience them all!

Epilogue

Jessie Ballett never regained the memory of the accident, like the doctor predicted. However, she did remember most things. Some small memories she could grasp but she was content that she remembered most.

Jessie graduated from High School and went to Michigan State University where she studied to be a physical therapist.

After college she married Rick Smith when she was twenty-five on October 15, 2012. They had two girls - Colleen and Margret.

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Thanks for reading!