I'm a big fan of cartoons, and I always have been. Growing up, Saturday was synonimous

with "Cartoon Day". And unlike most fans, I don't have any particular era I like the cartoons from.

I still love the Transformers, Voltron, and He-man I grew up with, but I'm also a big fan of Hellsing,

Cowboy Bebop, Inuyasha, and a lot of other anime. I don't discriminate against any given genre

of cartoon, watching new premieres along side of my old favorites. I accept that any given decade

and country produces some good cartoons, alongside a good deal of crap. Teen Titans, on

Cartoon Network, falls under the latter category.

The Teen Titans seems destined to become the (20)00's Captain Planet, relying on

in your face moral messages, tried and true cartoon plot lines, and repetitive episodes instead

of decent action. All of the characters seem to have some kind of quirk or neurosis, meant to

make them unique, but just gets annoying.

First up, is Starfire, who constantly worries that she doesn't fit in and that her friends don't

accept her. This is the main theme behind the episodes "Sisters" and "Transformations", and

plays a minor part in the plot of "How Long Is Forever?". That's about three episodes, and yet

she still needs constant affirmation that her friends are, in fact, her friends.

Raven, the token Goth character, happens to be a reserved person, a loner in a group

dynamic. Instead of just accepting this to be her nature, the writer's have used it as a basis for two plots,

"Nevermore" and "Fear Itself". This also played a part in the plot of the obligatory "switched bodies"

episode, "Switched". Real original name. Another three episodes where Raven learns to open up

and be frank with her emotions, at least until the next show where they need a moral of the story/plot device.

Cyborg is the half human/ half robot. He was the focus of three story archs of his own, two of

which, "The Sum of His Parts" and "Only Human", dealt with anxiety regarding his mechanical

nature, culminating in his discovery of what it means to be human. Of course, this means having friends and

feelings, not bleeding when you get tossed through 3 feet of concrete. After all, this is a kids cartoon.

Robin is too self reliant, unwilling to depend on his friends. And who can blame him? If I

were overshadowed by a guy who runs around in a black spandex and latex costume, I would be pretty

eager to prove myself too. But of course, this show is about team work, so Robin learning to work together

is the theme behind episodes "Masks", and the two part "Aprentice".

Which brings us to Beast Boy. Now, from what I know of the comics, Beast Boy is an orphan

with a past full of turmoil. Taken in by a gang of thieves, and having unknowingly caused their deaths,

Beast Boy learning to cope with his past could make for some mature and insightful story archs. So

of course, this will never happen, the writers prefering to cast what could be a multi-faceted character

as the "comic relief", and adding no more dimensions to his character at all.

I'm not going to get into the subject of Terra, who was the focus of a single episode in each season.

In the Teen Titans series, character development is non-existent. Every lesson learned lasts as long

as that episode, to be relearned when the writers can't think up anything original. Which is often. Aside from

each character's repeated plot, Teen Titans has also relied on such classic cartoon devices as switching bodies

(Switched) and a character leaving the group (Devide and Conquer). Soon enough they'll be shrunk down, fight

their doppelgangers, and have to deal with drugs. There's almost nothing in this show that hasn't been done before,

and they don't even attempt to work the concept into something original. It's straight up get personalities switched,

learn to use powers of new body, defeat bad guy, get old body back. Same thing that's been done a thousand

times.

What angers me the most about this series is the "moral of the story aspect". Every episode has a lesson

to be learned, which the Titans wouldn't have to learn if they weren't so hapless. Without going into every episode,

I'll just say that 90% of the time the moral is "teamwork". The problem is, they're already a fucking team. They're

supposed to have the teamwork thing down; that's why the show isn't called "The Teen Titan" and doesn't

consist of Raven telekinetically murdering their lame-ass villains for a half hour. If these freaks can't work together,

they shouldn't be a team in the first place.

Which brings up two more points; namely, you never see how they come together as a team in the first place,

and their rogue gallery sucks. The show starts off with the Titans working together, as a team, in their headquarters,

with no backstory being given in two seasons yet. Maybe the writers are counting on the viewers knowing this from

the comic books, but given the kiddy nature of the show, I doubt it. Overall, the program is geared to a younger audience

than long time fans.

And their villains are pathetic. I mean, I don't expect them to be on the level of Justice League or X-Men

villains, but except for the occasional stone golem or swarm of mutant insects, anyone could beat these guys.

And I'm not talking about second string comic book heros; I mean any competent individual with a firearm.

One oponent's gimmick is a magic remote control. True, he serves as fodder to be beaten, but they actually

have to struggle to beat him. Why it falls to them to beat Control Freak (his name) instead of the police showing up

and shooting this idiot is beyond me. I have to assume they're just trying to make the Titan's seem less useless than

they really are.

Granted, Teen Titans is an average show, with some good qualities and entertaining episodes to it's name.

Regardless, it's got a lot of flaws. While it's more than able to serve it's purpose (to entertain kids and sell

merchandise) it doesn't approach the serious cartoons shown on the same network.

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Anyway, this is the first non-humor piece I've written, and it will most likely

be the last. Dedicated to fiddler jones, whose essay inspired this rant.