Losing Balance

It wasn't as if I'd planned it

I hadn't

Serendipity and fate

And other things I didn't

believe in

got in the way

I was fine with myself

Engaging and friendly

with complete strangers

But always remembering

to stay away, aloofness

Distant

Impersonal

A paradox I was

Now I'm merely chaos

Chaos and disorder

Entropy

Of my own self

Silly girlish thoughts

Silly loving actions

The epitome of what I didn't

want to become

I used to find my sanity

In my insanity

It was stable in it's ironic sense

It was my ground, it was my security

Now, sane thoughts

Realistic thoughts

are what unbalances me

Disables me

Prevents me from thinking straight

It's not an emotion

It's a catalyst

Catalyst for either bliss

or sorrow

Chemical imbalance

This thing called love