“Idol”

As early as freshman year

you ceased to be real for me.

You weren’t human, but

super--, extra--,

in-human – depending on

my mood.

Fear became respect.

Respect became adoration.

Adoration became worship.

Worshipped in love and fear,

my earliest idol.

You were not un-human.

I couldn’t forget that, but I tried to.

Even now you are perfect, now

even after years of frustration

you are god. (-des, make it what

you will.)

Only in the casual manner

I approach you – my reverence –

only in the enthused efforts

to remember you

does it show

or do I remember,

now that you’re gone.

Self-conscious petitions

to your approval.

Prayers to your mercy –

remember me.