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Dark Winds
by Ola
I’ll try. Very easy to say. A Lot harder to actually do. What the hell could I ask/tell him when I met him first thing in the morning, when he didn’t even look at me? Eh? Damn everyone. I was a total wreck all day long, terrorizing myself with bizarre threats to get some courage and talk to him. Do you think it worked? Should I even answer that? As the day wound to a close, and I counted the minutes until I could finally leave and throw myself off a bridge for my idiocy, Agnes had the brilliant idea to invite us all to a movie. After today, though, I didn’t feel like socializing. I much rather would have preferred to go home and sulk in a corner, moping about my ineptitude. However, before I could object, I received the death glare from hell. And it really is scary, believe me. Especially coming from someone like Agnes. What the hell was she thinking? Probably of the way to make my life utterly miserable if I didn’t go with whatever she had planed in that head of hers. Well, I guess two hours wouldn’t be that bad. I could live with that. Right?
“Lost in translation.” What kind of crazy title is that? I like it! grin.
I didn’t like the seating arrangements that much. Courtesy of Agnes. Yours truly. Nor the fact that she had brought along that odd ball of hers. Were they dating, or weren’t they? They made their love life so complicated, those two, I swear. sigh So it went something like this: Nathalia, Mike, Mark, Agnes, Me, Kito. Yes, all the band was there. Nathalia was busy trying to steal Mark’s attention away from his budy Mike –I didn’t know that they knew each other, but whatever- while Agnes tried the same on her side –ie: stealing Mike from Mark-. That left me… and Kito. Both of us looking straight at the screen. Fuck the ten minutes of free time before the movie actually started. Whose idea was it to come this early? grrrr. I couldn’t come up with a single word to utter, so after a while I just sighed, clenched my teeth and tried not to look like a total looser. I didn’t even know what Kito was doing, since I was too much of a chicken to even take a peek at him. Damn me straight to hell, please.
Then the lights went down and it became blissfully dark. No one to look at me. Or for me to look at. Until a very pointy elbow painfully lodged itself into my rib cage. Owwwaaa!! Watch it girl! She propelled me right into the next seat… onto Kito. Mortification level 90. The other 10 were left over as anger for the manipulator sitting at my right. Of course, she only grinned, and winked, and I was left to make a mumbled apology to the guy on my left. … Saying his name too much may result in me actually saying it out loud. Bad consequences would follow. As in: him asking me what the hell I wanted? And me being unable to chose between “running away” or “a shag.”
The movie was great though, so the evening wasn’t totally wasted. Although I would have to have a word with Aga. What the hell had she been thinking? And where, please someone tell me, was her boy toy?
“What!”
“Sshhh!!”
“You will not shush me! Where is he!”
“He said he was tired, so I gave him the keys and said he could go lay down at your place. He’ll be out as soon as we come in. Please. Don’t make a scene.”
“How can you tell me not to make a scene,” I growled, biting each word to keep them quiet. We were in a movie theater after all. But I was hard pressed not to strangle her right there on the spot. Yelling would have done me a world of good.
“I told you I didn’t want him there.”
“I know. But please, he was tired. He just wanted to go lie down…”
“He lives closer than I do. What the hell did he go to my house for.” Hard. So hard not to scream. Give me patience. Someone. Anyone. Whoever is listening.
“He wanted to talk to me. Please, listen to me, he…” Grrr…rrraaahhhhh!!!!!!! Clench your jaw. Till it hurts. And shut up. Close your eyes. Breathe. In. Out. In. Fuck this!
“No! You listen to me!
“But I n…”
“Shut up! It’s not polite to interrupt! And you do it all the time! At least try to stop yourself for other people if not me!” Breathe!! I clenched my fists in my hair. He. Will. Not. Make me. Angry. With. Her. He will not get in between us to wreck our friendship apart … The asshole. The fucking little bastard. I told him I never wanted to see him there again.
“He’s out as soon as I step in.” I pride myself in remaining calm. No screaming. No fire coming out of my ears.
“He’ll be out in five minutes. I’ll just talk to him for a sec.” Aaahhhh!!!!! Please give me patience.
“He. Is. Out. As. Soon. As. I. Come. In.” I had had enough of both of them. At least my seething anger prevented me from thinking about someone else. I dragged her out so fast out of there that I forgot about all the others. I felt bad about standing them up like that, but I think they realized that something had come up. Hopefully, they would make the connection, and not think of me as an asshole. sigh. Yes, it was semi important for those people not to consider me one.
I held the key to the lobby in my hand, deeply breathing, and trying to stay calm. No need to blow the roof off. I would just ignore him. Yes. Perfect. With this plan in hand, I led Agnes upstairs and opened the door for her while I took the time to unlace my boots. There was some commotion inside, a thud, and a growl. Eh? I was curious despite my anger.
“Nat? Could you stay outside for five minutes? He’s in his boxers and h…” What? She dared ask me to stay out of my house?!!!
“No. I’m coming in. And he is coming out. Now!” At least I didn’t scream. But it was very close. I wanted to clench my hands around the asshole’s neck and twist. Grrrr… he was back down at the bottom of the scale for me. No more pity or trying to be friendly. He didn’t deserve it. At least not until he redeemed himself. Big time. So I strode into my house, glaring at him, while he jumped around trying to put his pants on. I wanted him out. Now. And Agnes was standing in the door and talking. God the girl loved to talk. I went into the kitchen to get them out of my sight and waited. And waited. Until finally –thank you god- the door closed, and I sighed. Mission accomplished. Nothing broken –material or organic-. I sat at my desk and put earphones on, blasting soothing music. Relax. Breathe deeeeeppp. No big deal. Nothing happened. Correction: something big happened, but I won’t make a huge mess out of it. I’m not a kid throwing a tantrum.
“No…he said … j…. told… ed …co…” What the heck? The volume got turned off, then full blast on again just as fast. I can’t believe it. They were standing in front of my door, talking. And the walls are made of paper. Nothing stops the noise. How many times have I told them I could hear everything they were babbling about out there? Grraahhhh!!!! What have I done to deserve this? I ground the heels of my palms into my eyes. I won’t go out there to yell at them. I will not. Relax. Calm down. The music got louder still, drowning any remnants of voice. “Oh no, I see… this… spot of web is tangled up in me… … I thought of all the stupid things I’d say…” at least I think the song went something like that. “Oh no, what’s this… a spot of web and I’m caught in the middle…” Exactly how I feel. Right in the middle of the fucking web those two #$ have twisted around me. I feel very used at the moment. And even though I love Agnes like a sister, he gets on my nerves sometimes. This is one of those times. Hey, you can’t be a saint everyday. And I don’t think I ever was one in the first place. Even for a day. “Naaa…. I never meant to cause you trouble…” Ha, they should listen to this! Gahh… I think I’ll go take a shower. No better way to relax. And then I’ll hit the bed. Uh huh. Nice. No need to worry about those two. They’ll deal with their problem all on their own like the mature young adults they are. Hopefully. Because I’m unplugging my phone tonight. evil cackle
E… F…G…H…Hc… Hd… Hdarz. I looked up at the pile of remaining papers in front of me as if it had grown a head and smirked at me. I don’t think I’ll ever say that a job can’t get more boring. Because it just did. Again. Uh huh. I’m now down to “classifying” random papers. Alphabetizing. After a while, the letters just start to mix together. The n’s with the m’s, the b’s and the d’s… gahh…my eyes just crossed. Yes, it’s that bad. and when I was done with that –three freaking hours!!- I got to place all those lovely papers back into their respective folders, up on a huge wall. Take a file down, place the paper with the corresponding name on it, then put it back on the wall/cabinet/thing. I think they got me for this job because I’m tall enough to reach the top shelf without a stool. I still have to reach other my head, which means … aiiii…. Hurts… arms… neck… sore… gaaahh!!!! Tedious, boring work. I will sincerely pray tonight for a better job. I just can’t imagine myself doing this kind of thing for the rest of my life. I think I would go crazy. Yep definitely a possibility. Well, that’s why I’m going into pre-med.
Oh, and about the whole praying thing, well, no… I’m not into that kind of stuff. Strange eh? I mean, since I’m an angel and stuff. Shouldn’t I be going to church every Sunday and pray every night or some such things? Perhaps. Dunno. I wasn’t raised by strict catholic parents. Err, make that singular. My dad only brought me to church once every few months, when he remembered he had a son, who had actually been baptized. Oh yeah, and on Christmases. I liked those times the most and the least t the same time. The midnight mass would be full of people singing carols and being in a very friendly mood. But it would also be so cold and dark and quiet afterwards, and when I looked at all the lights and the windows lit from within as we passed by large houses, I felt very sad. So much joy and happiness behind those panes of glass, and a melancholy winter night for me, spent on wondering if I would ever have a “merry” Christmas. No mommy to wake me up Christmas morning. No cookies waiting for Santa. Nothing to comfort a lonely eight year old.
But those are memories I don’t like delving upon. At least not until the next Christmas rolls by and I can’t help but think about all the previous ones. So no, I don’t go to church, and I don’t pray. While still in elementary school, I figured out that religions were simply a way to give hope to the desperate masses and keep them from revolts. Guess I was proved wrong, eh?
Well, this was a bit… out of subject, eh? Where was I before I started this whole spiel? Ah yes. Walls and walls of files, and my height. Good for the top files, miserable for the bottom ones, right on the floor. So I plopped myself on the carpet, heaved a sigh and looked for yet another “smith.”
I would have to start really studying for those exams soon though. I couldn’t get them out of my mind. One entire week plus the end of this one. That was what, twelve? Thirteen days? Not enough, in any case. Perhaps I would ask the boss for a leave for the week before. I didn’t think I could do both the normal office work, plus the extra studying. And I mean, I wasn’t that low on money now that I couldn’t afford not to work for a few days, right? I did need to do well on those exams, and that counted for more than saving money for a stereo or TV. Sigh Sometimes, I hated being independent, although those times were few and far between. Ten more minutes and I was out of here! grins
