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Fiction » Humor » Just another Fairytale font: B s : A A A . width: full 3/4 1/2
Author: orulet
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Reviews: 6 - Published: 05-26-04 - Updated: 05-26-04 - id:1619519

Once upon a time, in a beautiful kingdom there lived a benevolent King and his graceful Queen. The land was lush and fruitful; which meant there was no need for much industry - keeping the air clean and rivers pure. The people were kind and joyous, and travelled by bicycles (keeping pollution low and preventing deaths from drunk driving). The law was fair, and as the main punishment was castration (or in the woman‘s case, working in the manure industry), it ensured that the kingdom was virtually crimeless. All in all it was seen far and wide as a general paradise (especially due to their incredible Pina Colada's and traditional dances featuring topless men and women in hula skirts). It seemed the kingdom was blessed; a fact that seemed to be proven by the Queen giving birth to a healthy and beautiful child. The whole kingdom was celebrating the birth; with Pina Coladas and dances a-plenty, and it seemed nothing could go wrong ...

... until someone made a very big mistake.

*****************************

The party seemed to be going on full swing; the topless men had just started to dance - when suddenly the lights snapped shut, bringing everything to darkness. All that could be heard was muttered curses when everyone kept stubbing their toes as they attempted to find a light in the dark. Then; as suddenly as the lights had blanked out, an eerie green sphere of light appeared, and a voice screeched out of it.

"You! You pitiful, wretched beings! I'll show you what happens when you don't invite the greatest witch of all to you're child's christening!"

A fair amount of panic ensued, as ladies gasped and fainted, and men attempted to get their shirts on.

The poor King and Queen were beset with confusion.

Especially due to the fact that their child's christening party was meant to be in about a fortnight's time.

The voice continued.

"Princess Aurora may be smart, and she may be beautiful, like all those other rotten faeries have said. But as I stand, I curse her! For on the 15th year of your child's life, the babe shall prick her finger on a .. on a...” The voice went silent for a while. “.. on a rose thorn! Bringing doom upon herself and this kingdom!"

A general consensus seemed to be held on whether fear or confusion would be the highest emotion running through the people gathered. Fear seemed to be gaining, especially when the words "curse" and "doom" where heard (as those words were generally regarded as 'not very pleasant at all'). However there was an underlying confusion that was ever-present.

Mainly since no one really knew who on earth Princess Aurora was meant to be.

Or what faeries the strange disembodied voice was talking about.

The King cleared his throat.

"Erm.. Sorry .. but I think you have the wrong ..."

"Wrong?!" The voice screeched. "Yes I have been wronged! Thus you must suffer the consequences!"

"...."

The Queen coughed slightly. Having overcome her initial shock, anger was starting to flood her, causing her hard voice to slit through the air.

"As my husband is attempting to say, you are wrong. Today is not the christen- ... "

A orb bounced slightly as cracked laughter escaped from it.

"Are you trying to trick me? Of course it's the christening! Why else would I be here? But enough of your whingeing ... you're wasting my time; not to mention I have a prince I'm meant to be turning into a frog at 2:00 pm..."

And with that the eerie-green-orb-of-light disappeared and the lights flashed back on.

There was mass silence (mainly since most people had either fainted, or were too busy blinking in order to adjust their eyes to the sudden light - apart from the Queen who was simply silently fuming).

Before anything could be said or done however, a ball of bright blue came bursting in through a door way; morphing into a slightly rotund woman with wings, waving a pink star on a stick frantically; panting, as she attempted to catch her breath.

Taking in the sight of shocked faces and bodies on the floor, the woman rang the wand between her hands and moaned.

"Oh dear ... Oh my ... Oh heavens .. Oh .."

The sharp voice of the Queen, cut in.

"Who are you?"

"I-I'm .. the fairy godmother. And .. Oh no .. this was not meant to happen .. not at all .. oh dear... oh ..."

"What. Just. Happened." Her voice sliced through the air, with anger only a mother could possess.

"Jane .. She wasn't meant to come here... she got the wrong kingdom ... and .. oh g-"

Had this been any other timel; had the situation not been so dire and desperate, there would have been many in the court who would have snickered to find out the name of the self-proclaimed 'greatest witch of all time'.

However, due to fear of the Queen, or more importantly - fear of being made into the kingdom's new eunuch, all hid their urge to laugh.

"Can this be undone?"

The godmother visibly flinched under the Queen's glare; suppressing the sudden need to squeal 'please don't eat me!'.

"Well .. you see, curses are very .. *ahem* delicate things .. and well..the technicalities of them are extremely .. err.. deep and complex, and umm.. ."

If looks could kill, the fairy godmother would have been hanged, gutted, quartered - her carcass torn at by ravaged vultures and her bones carved into kitchen utensils.

"Er.. well curses can't be reversed. B-but, I could do something to alter it slightly, since well Jane didn't specify what kind of doom would occur... "

Between clenched teeth, the Queen visibly growled.

"Then why, pray tell, did you not do something in the first place?!"

Swallowing, the godmother decided that the best thing to say was nothing at all. Valuing her life, she speedily waved her wand at the sleeping babe:

"Beauty and brains, to thee I give

Charm to animals, big and small

A life of peace thy shall live

Until thy spell shall come to fall

For when thy curse has come to pass

Thy shall sleep, in dreaming bliss

Frozen in time, when spell is cast

And be awoke by true love's kiss"

And with that, she vanished, as if a pack of hungry wolves was after her (which in truth, had she stayed any longer, might be the case - the Queen kept a lot of 'interesting' pets).

Sighing, the King wrapped his arm around the Queen, half in comfort, and half in attempt to calm her down.

"I guess what's done is done dear ... “

“Oh Henry ...”

She allowed her husband to hold her, as she gazed tenderly at her child.

Looking up, she stated clearly.

“I deem there to be no roses, or rose bushes in this entire kingdom! Any with such flowers on their land shall be punished.”

In unison, all men crossed their legs slightly.

“And if I find out who did this to my child ... “

With an expression that screamed for blood; the unsaid threat was more potent than any spoken one could ever be.

*****************************

And so the years passed, and the kingdom was once again peaceful and content. As the Queen had decreed, all roses where destroyed and people were generally content in celebrating Valentine’s day with petunias and daisies as replacements (and of course, chocolate). As year after year went by, the curse started to fade in memory, and before long it was soon thought of as almost a dream. The child grew to be as gifted as the godmother as promised, bright in studies as well as looks, with porcelain skin and beautiful raven locks, causing many to admire and revere the new heir as they did the King and Queen.

And when the 15th year passed and nothing happened, many breathed a sigh of relief, and believed the curse to be only an old wives’ tale ...

But like all tales, this was based on truth, and it was barely a fortnight after celebrating the heir’s 15th year, when tragedy struck. Following a rabbit, one summers morn, the child was delighted in finding a new grove, filled with the sweetest smelling flowers the child had ever strange blood red petals hypnotised the child, begging to be touched ... And as the heir attempted to pick one, the child felt a sudden stinging pain as a thorn grazed tender flesh.

And in that moment, all became silent.

If there had been anyone watching, they would have been shocked to see a strange floating body, as the sleeping heir was lifted up by what seemed to be a breeze; and placed in the tallest tower of the castle.

But there was no one to see.

For all were frozen.

Frozen for eternity

... until ...

******************************

A.N: this is the product of two coffees, three cokes and a herbal tea, too much re-reading of hitch hikers guide to the galaxy, and back to back watching of shrek and shrek 2. not to mention pure procrastination since my english exams this friday and im so unbelievably not arsed to study. to those who reviewed my first fic thank you! i love you 3 check your mail for lovely naked greek men XD humblest apologies however for thats gonna be on hiatus for a while (check bio to see why). as always please feel free to comment and criticise .. its the only way im gonna get better :)

~orulet



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