A/n Hey peoplefolks! It’s been awhile hasn’t it? Here’s the next bitty of Brick wall, big plot changes some secrets and maybe a little angsty romance…enjoy!   Kai

Ja ne…

“So there was nothing else in the note?”

Nothing! That’s pretty much all it said. Arg…why do you think he’s saying this stuff? Do you think he’s actually going to do it? Is it to spite me”?

“No I don’t think that’s it Ceren. Lean wouldn’t joke around with something like this. You can’t just ‘decide’ to go to boarding school. These things take a lone time to plan out and th-“

“So what the hell is it then?!”

“Calm down Cer! I can’t help if you just shout at me.”

“Sorry. Look it doesn’t matter. I need to go anyway.”

Ceren flipped the phone shut before she could respond. It was last period already and he was still wondering around the school undecided. What was he going to do? Would Lean listen to him? Was he mad with him? Did Zoë know about this?

Half of him wanted to wake up and find out it was all a bad dream. But there was an evil little voice in his head that kept telling him this was a good thing.

‘How the hell can it be a good thing if I never see him again?’

Ok so now he was being unreasonable. Boarding school wasn’t another planet away. And there was still holidays and stuff…

Cursing Ceren kicked a locker as he passed it violently. He hadn’t seen his brother for six hours and already he was tense.

‘Get a hold on yourself boy’

Groaning Ceren resisted the urge to attack another innocent locker. How was he going to spend a whole year away from Lean?

Lean had been planning to come clean with Ceren for months. Ever since he’d got accepted into the academy. At first he wasn’t sure he was even going, so there wasn’t much point in alarming Ceren. But once he’d made the decision…it had finally settled on him the enormity of what he had to do. He had always known Ceren wasn’t going to be happy, but it was Ceren that had wanted distance in the first place.

He’d begged and begged Ceren not to move out, knowing full well he was leaving at the end of the school year himself. But that felt different. He knew that there wasn’t a point in Ceren leaving if he was going too but another part of him thought that if Ceren left home they’d really and truly grow apart. And he couldn’t bare that thought.

He didn’t ever like to think of technicalities between them though. It just took him to places he’d rather stay well clear of.

Those thoughts were the ones best left to Ceren to angst over.

As the time for him to leave loomed Lean knew he had to act. It had been a nagging little worry in the back of his thoughts growing each day. Every time he was with Ceren he knew he should broach the subject but he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to have to put his twin through that. It broke him when he heard Ceren’s plans to get a flat of his own. His aunt Zoë had been the only one he’d told, and she’d sworn complete silence.

Glancing at the clock it showed 3:20 –ten minutes to go till they could go. Ceren would have read the letter already. So three people know now. Unless Ceren told someone…if he even read it at all…

This was hopeless! Chasing his thoughts in circles wasn’t going to help his confront Ceren. Or pass English he thought absently as another failed essay paper fluttered onto his desk from above. Sighing he stuffed it into his bad. He could worry about that later.

Looking towards the door he half expected Ceren to come in and drag him out of class.

Five minutes to go.

Freedom –that’s the usual thought accompanying that sentence. Not today though. Now he was five minutes closer to the inevitable fight with his brother. And once he moved to his new school…well he’d never have proper ‘freedom’ –unless they were on break.

Soon he was going to have to live at school. A shudder passed through his small frame and he tried not to think of it. Why anyone would choose to live at school was well beyond him. Six hours was bad enough already.

Unless you were running from your twin brother of course.

“Get in the car.” Ceren was leaning against the car as Lean traipsed up; he had waited until the very last minute to leave the classroom. Though in retrospect making Ceren wait around and get him even more pissed probably wasn’t the greatest idea.

“Cer I thi-“

“Get. In.” Ceren looked ready to murder and Lean clamped his mouth shut. Maybe apologies could wait till later…

Swallowing Lean hurriedly belted himself into the car and pointedly found the scenery amazingly interesting all of a sudden.

‘I should have known he wouldn’t take this well.’

Ceren wasn’t taking this well. Well how was he suppose to take the news his twin brother was moving to the other side of the state for boarding school in less than two weeks? It wasn’t like he had to face this sort of situation every day.

He knew Lean was uncomfortable and Ceren’s silent anger was only making it worse…but he had a right to be angry with him.

Lean huddled up in the front seat wishing he were anywhere but there with Ceren.

‘I should be pleased, I only have a week and a bit left with him. But he’s so pissed at me…god I’ve really fucked this up.’ Lean tried not to fidget and kept his head turned and eyes glued to the scenery but even as he did he noticed Ceren was taking he long way home. He was making more time for them…but he still wasn’t talking. Finally Lean couldn’t stand it and broke into his brother’s moody silence.

“Look I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but I wasn’t sure I would get in and I didn’t want to upset you for no reason.” Ceren graced him with a brief sidelong glance.

Lean sighed in frustration.

“Cer I know you have a right to be mad but you know why I’m doing this right? I don’t hate you.”

This got a reaction. Fury burned in Ceren’s eyes as he turned and glared at Lean.

“How could you? I knew this thing between us was tearing you up! I even moved to give you space to breath! At least that way we can still see each other…”

“We can still see each other! I’m not moving over the Atlantic!” Lean resorted. His breathing was quicker and he was raising his voice. Why did Ceren always have to fight? Ceren turned his eyes back to the road and Lean slumped further back into his seat thinking the discussion over. But

“Boarding school? It’s as good as.” Ceren spoke again. He didn’t shout this time. He was quiet in a sad kind of way. Lean didn’t look at him though, he couldn’t. Ceren was right. They would be apart for a year. That was a long time. They would both grow up and move on before Lean came back home. Maybe Ceren would move away.

This wasn’t how any of this was meant to turn out! They weren’t meant to want each other; he wasn’t mean to need his brother. It shouldn’t have been like this.

But even as Lean thought it he knew it wasn’t true. Ceren understood him, and Lean needed him for reasons he couldn’t explain. He probably didn’t feel the same way, but he still wanted Lean on some level. That was enough; Lean didn’t need to feel wanted. If Ceren was still with him he felt ok. It was when they thought about the consequences and what other people would say. That was when Lean wanted to run away from it all.

And that’s what he was doing. Running away.

“You…you haven’t moved out yet. Maybe you don’t need to. Since I’m not staying and all…” Ceren looked out of his window guiltily and a pained expression crossed his face.

“Joshka came over at lunch to uh, to help me move my stuff.” Lean was silent in shock. Ceren had already moved? So soon?

Ceren felt terrible for having to tell Lee but he was going to find out when he got home anyway.

Neither boy spoke for a while, Ceren concentrated on getting home as quickly as possible while Lean focused his eyes on the window, then on his lap, then at the floor: anywhere but at Ceren.

They pulled up outside their house but Lean didn’t get out, he just sat fidgeting. Ceren hadn’t turned off the engine and wasn’t making any implication he even realised Lean was still there.

As Lean sat staring at his lap it dawned on him he was wearing Ceren’s clothes and he’d probably want them back before he left. He turned to face Ceren but was caught off guard when his brother grabbed his hips hauled him onto his lap.

Shocked and excited Lean stammered,

“I wh…just won-wondered. I j-just wondered I-if y-you wanted-” Lean broke off cursing himself for stuttering. He always did this when he was nervous or frightened. Not usually in front of Ceren though because it was so embarrassing. He hated to think that Ceren saw him act like such a moron.

He was about to open his mouth and start over but Ceren had reached his limit and was beyond patience. Pulling his brother closer so their heads were touching Ceren gave lean a moment before pressing their lips together roughly and thrusting his tongue harshly into his twins mouth. Lean moaned instantly and instinctively leaned into the kiss.

Wrapping his arms around his brother Ceren extended the kiss, savouring the frenzied brush of Leans tongue against his own and the hot friction of their lips against one another. Lean whimpered without breaking the kiss as Ceren ran his hands through his hair. He loved Ceren doing that; it gave his a weak feeling in his stomach and made his limb tingle.

Suddenly the warm tight embrace was gone and Lean was being pushed back against the steering wheel. Tugging on a lock of Leans hair Cer buried his face in the other twins shoulder. Breathing in his scent; it was so like his own. He had the urge to tell Lean they would be all right, but it wouldn’t have helped. Lean had to cope with their secret on his own and bringing it into the open would only start more arguments so Cer left it and contented himself with holding him.

“You looked really sexy today Lee. Keep up that look at this new school of yours. It suits ya…and you can keep those clothes too.”

Without saying goodbye Cer opened the door and gave Lean a motivational pat on the backside.

Before slipping out Lean hesitated: leaning in until their noses were touching he smiled gently. “Thank you. ‘Love you’” He whispered, silver tears dripping down his cheeks and gathering his eyelashes in delicate clumps.

Ceren refrained himself from taking Lee in his arms again, instead trailing a finger down his cheek and over his swollen bottom lip. Leans tongue darted out and licked away at the salty trail. Ceren breath hitched a bit and the silence in the car mounted.

“Love you too Lee.” Lean darted forwards as soon as Ceren had spoken and pressed their lips together chastely before grabbing his bag and stumbling out onto the pavement.

Lean all but ran up the steps to his front door and after fumbling with the keys he finally swung the door open and slipped inside sinking down against it as it shut. Hearing Ceren’s car drive off he gave into the need to cry and sat for god knows how long shuddering with tears. Finally he stopped and had to sit for another few minutes until his blushing had ceased and his breathing was back to normal. Sagging against the cool door Lee shut his eyes and tilted his head back.

Exhale –out

Inhale –in

Exhale –out

Inhale –in

Standing up Lee stretched out his back, arching up like a cat. Then rubbed his eyes self-consciously. Checking the mirror as he went by he made sure he didn’t look suspicious or obvious. He couldn’t imagine Zoë’s reaction if he came home blushing and out of breath. Smiling at the mental image that conjured up and the secondary image of her face when Cer came through the door behind him in an equally dishevelled state Lean laughed under his breath.  

Checking his appearance one last time he followed his nose into the kitchen where sure enough Zoë had left stovies cooking, only the aunt in question was nowhere to be found. Finding the note stuck to a packet of chocolate sticks he read it out to himself:

“Gone in hunt of pudding (cheesecake had a colony of mould living on it. Didn’t want to eat it in fear of offending the mould people) I bought you sticks though… Enjoy! Chocolate cures all!

xxx Zoë!! :)”

Grinning Lee ripped the note off the boy and after a brief wrestling found his way into the chocolate. As he slid one of the sticks out the unmistakable scent of dark chocolate wafted up to his face.

70 cocoa was definitely an acquired taste but Lean loved it…so did Cer. Lee stood thoughtfully in the middle of his kitchen while he munched on a few sticks until decided he’d better get changed before Zoë came back.

Clamouring up the stairs and to his room Lee halted in front of Cer’s room, the door was open and Lean couldn’t help but go in. It was completely empty. Devoid of anything and everything suggesting Ceren’s presence. Walking slowly around Lean skimmed his hands over the surfaces and blew dust from shelves and corners. He still couldn’t take in Cer had moved out, it had always been just an empty threat over the past few weeks. Cer was right though; maybe he did need his space. Just not this much space…

Shuffling out of the room he shut the door quietly, almost respectfully and trotted down the hall to his own room. Instead of curling up in a hot bath and sulking all night like he really wanted to do Lee took Ceren’s lead and started to pack.

At first he just threw routine stuff into the suitcase: underwear, toiletries, uniform, jeans etc…then he got through to the back of his closet. No one knew what he kept in the back of there. True it wasn’t somewhere people would think to look but that’s exactly why Lee had chosen it. This was the one secret no one knew. Not even Ceren. Course once or twice Cer had rummaged through looking for something and Lean had nearly had a panic attack rushing him out the room and making the first random excuse he thought of. Ceren knew something was up but he’d respected Lee’s privacy and all that so didn’t pry.

Cer always thought their secret was bad, but Lee had had another one for longer than that. He hated referring to them as secrets; he didn’t want to be Ceren’s secret. It made it sound dirty and wrong when it wasn’t! When Lee thought about it or someone else described it then it sounded horrible and sinful. But if he was out with Cer he didn’t even think about it. They would just muck about and bicker like any other siblings. And it made Lee forget about hiding from everyone.

Even when they got home and could kiss safely it didn’t occur to Lee what he was doing was against the law. Because it didn’t feel like it, it didn’t feel like anything but being with Cer. The only reason people thought incest was bad was because of the inbreeding…but that wasn’t exactly likely to happen with them Lean thought ruefully.

Even when he justified it though Lean knew it wouldn’t matter. That wasn’t what bothered Ceren. Ceren was the most comfortable because he believed with his whole heart that this was just a phase. He didn’t like other boys…and it was something a lot of other twins went through at adolescence. Lean was good for a bit of fun now but as soon as it wore of he knew Cer would be out the door looking for something else. Someone better.

And it was probably true, in Ceren’s case anyway. Lee had felt like this since he was fourteen or fifteen and he didn’t feel like it was going to go away anytime soon. Hence the move to boarding school; He could finish his high school work then go strait onto higher ed. without moving to a university or collage. But without seeing Ceren, knowing Ceren would be moving on with his life with other people it wasn’t going to be easy. Or what he wanted. But they both deserved lives so Lee was just going to have to get over himself and find someone else.

Turning back to the closet Lean smiled. This was his first secret, and it was a shame Ceren had never gotten to see…but it wasn’t something Lean wanted to show anybody. This made him even more frightened when he thought about people finding out about it than people finding him and Ceren together. But again he didn’t care because it made him happy.

Smiling Lean reached out and ran his fingers over the folds of material closest to him. Pulling it down from the hanger Lee admired the reddish pink material for a while before laying it on the bed and slipping off his jeans. Crawling into the closet he rummaged around in the bottom before yanking a pair of shoes out from the bottom of the pile, then took something else from another hanger.

Taking off his T-shirt as well he dropped them in a material puddle at his feel and turned to the items on the bed…

A/n: This was rather short wasn’t it? I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get this out… A big prise to anyone who figures out Lean’s secret or who the surprise character is next chapter!! The answer to the latter is on my ‘live journal/fiction diary’ page. If you wanna know all the news about the fics I’m writing/reading/beta’ing then click the link be cool if folk checked it out.

Kai –thanks for reading whether you review or not!