I fall

T the bottom fo my heart,

where there is no

Hope

Love

Light

Sadness is no color,

Fear no form,

Love is separately chosen

And you are

gone

There is no where for me to go

Nor reason for me to sing

The walls built inside do not permit me to cry

And I miss you

Though that word does not describe my utter loneliness

The anticipation of your leaving

You stole a piece from me

A piece I chose to give you,

Not knowing that I would not be able to take it back

My courage and confidence are gone now

And I can only breath

My laughter is as hollow as my tears…

I empty my self out and there is

no-one to fill me up again

This is what I fear.

You will be gone

You will leave and we will loose

Touch

This world is so big,

I fear that when you go, I will

Not find you again

I fear that when you go,

I will cease to be me

As I am now

I fear that I will not be able to follow you,

As I have followed you for three years

I can’t go where you go any longer

And I can not walk on my own.

I need you.

I need your support,

Your will, because I have none of my own

I need more time…

The months are to short

I am scared…of losing you

This is not something I can be protected from…

This fear, this aloneness

This is something I must face,

Like the dark.

The fears of my childhood rise again,

and now that I am older they are stronger,

Based upon hard fact, reality

The reality of loss…

The empty pit that will be my heart.

I don’t want to loose you.

I don’t want this to change.

I don’t want you to go.

I don’t want to be……

Alone with myself.