A yellow, it was.  It was a different kind of yellow.  Two brown eyes, the two eyes of a small, fragile child, stared fascinated at the giant swirls of yellow.  There were five, golden spheres in frozen orbit around a central yellow orb, swirling and blazing like stars on the canvas.  Childish, yellow roses of oil smiled at her to greet her into the morning.

            It could have been hours, or only several minutes, but much time had passed.  Little Iris sat at the center of her bedroom, staring at the painting leaning against the wall, utterly amazed by its simplicity.  Her dark hair fell over her shoulders, suspended in midair, frozen in anxiety.  She didn’t move, nor did she breathe, nor did she blink.

            Her mouth was hung open with her head slightly tipped to the side.  The morning light cascaded down into the room, peeking in on what the birds had been singing about.  Her body was large and disfigured, crouched on the floor like a gorilla.  Like any 14-year old girl, she was of average height, but she had still yet to grow.  Her eyes had begun to shine even brighter, more beautifully like her mother.  Her hair was a rich brown, gracefully running down her back.  Yet, behind her eyes laid the soul of a child, the mind of a six-year old.

            Then, the sound of her father’s dressing drawer shot into her ear.  Immediately, she snapped her head to the left down the hallway; her eyes could see her father’s towering figure standing in front of a giant glass tablet, fixing a strip of black cloth wrapped around his neck.  Still on her hands and knees, she took the painting and rushed to his room.

             “Daddy!” She greeted with a bright smile on her face.

            At first, he paid no attention to her.  He had woken up early, but he’d rather arrive at the hospital early than stay home and eat breakfast.

            Iris figured her father hadn’t heard her, so she called out his name a second time.

             “What.” He retorted, still fixing his tie in the mirror.

             “Good morning!”

            His eyes turned to his left at his daughter and the painting she was so obsessed with.  She always brought it with her to greet him in the morning; he never knew why, but no one ever knew what was going on in her head, or if anything went on at all.  Her face looked idiotic, or even demon-possessed; she was a stupid child contaminating the body of her mother.  “Uhuh.” Then his eyes turned towards the mirror.

            Iris’s childish face smiled even brighter than before, admiring her father.  He was the superhero in her life like the ones in all of the storybooks.  He was the only one that was ever kind to her; he was the only one who ever bothered to take care of her.  She wanted to be just like him when she grew up.

             “I’m leaving.” He said, heading out the door passed Iris, without giving her a glance.

            Iris’s eyes followed him as his shadow passed over her.  He slowly walked down the stairs, carrying his suitcase and Iris followed him down like a little leapfrog.

             “Bye bye!” She said, waving as he exited the house without another word.

 .

.

Yellow Colored Roses on Sunday Mornings

.

            A sad story it was.  It was a story of the greatest sorrows interlaced with the sufferings of everyday life.  It was the story of a married couple between a doctor and a nurse with a child they loved and treasured more than anything.

            Jared met Grace on a fine spring morning back at college.  She was the sweetest and most beautiful girl his eyes had ever seen.  She had the smile of sunshine, and long brown hair like the leaves of autumn.  She always had three yellow roses in her hair wherever she went.

            Soon enough, the two were married right out of college and they had a daughter together.

            One Sunday morning, Jared had been working late the night before so Grace had taken Iris to church earlier while Jared promised he’d catch the afternoon service.  However, he never kept his promise.

            Around noon, he received a call telling him that his wife had gotten into a fatal accident and his daughter had fractured her skull and was rushed to the hospital.  Things were never the same since then.

.

.

            That night was simply another night like the rest of them.  The clouds were an eerie shade of gray as they rested quietly atop the hills, looming over the city.  The sun rested its sleepy eyes behind the horizon as night’s star-studded blanket was pulled over her.

            Jared unleashed an exasperated sigh of fatigue as he set the brake of his car onto his driveway.  Like small bells, his keys jingled together to accompany the rhythmic drumming of his footsteps.  All was quiet and all was dim, and the door slowly drifted open as Jared stood in the doorway.

            It was another night returning home from the hospital, and another night he would arrive home famished for tranquility, but ironically it hadn’t seemed any different.  Like any normal doctor, he’d bring home a pretty nurse and she’d bring him delicious dishes to appease his hunger, or he’d retire to the bedroom until the sun rose the next morning.  He sneered at the mere thought; normal was an illusion.

            The wind furtively rolled in through the doorway, toying with his dark-colored hair.  He didn’t move, nor did she breathe, nor did she blink as his silhouette stood in the doorway, allowing a thousand thoughts race through his head.  He could have stood there bathing in his misery for a thousand years, not realizing even a second had passed by, but a faint noise from the kitchen had broken him from his trance.

            His daughter’s piercing, high-pitched voice struck an irritated shock inside him and sent him rushing into the kitchen.  A stark, foul odor reeked from the kitchen as the door swayed anxiously in the wind.  Impatiently, Jared turned the switch and the light revealed Iris’s guilty figure.

            The whites of his eyes formed a ring around his pupils as they dashed across the kitchen floor.  Reality caught up with him.  Broken glasses were scattered all over the floor, wading in puddles of vomit.  On the counter were a toppled carton of orange juice and a bottle of Lysol.  Orange juice was her favorite – she never drank anything else.

             “Daddy!! His retarded daughter wailed.  Her face was the distorted face of an adolescent teen, with tears pouring from her eyes and her mouth open wide, screaming to annoy the entire neighborhood.  Dripping from her lips were trails of regurgitated foods.

             “What did you do?!  I told you never to touch anything while I was gone!” He yelled in frustration, but she didn’t answer.

             “I’m sorry!” She kept screaming.

            Jared stood there with his hand shaded over his eyes, unable to find a solution to all of the mess.  None of his coworkers ever had to come home cleaning up mess.  None of his coworkers ever had to come home to an idiotic child.  He felt like standing there like a small boy, too immature to cope with life’s responsibilities.  He didn’t even want to look at her any longer.  His arms were quivering in anger, but his head shook in helplessness.

             “Please don’t be mad at me…” She whimpered in her sobs.

            He held out his hand to her with his eyes shut away like so many times before, “Just keep quiet; don’t say anything.”

            She covered her mouth.

            He turned without another word and gave her the silent instruction to follow him.  The door was still open when he left the house and returned into his car.  He made Iris take a trash bag with her in case she thought it would be funny to vomit again.

            He drove more hastily and fiercely than he regularly would, and his stops were more abrupt than usual.  He cursed to himself as his narrow eyes searched for the nearest pharmacy.  Iris sat, staring fearfully at her father with her small hands over her lips.  She vowed over her life that she would never say another word.

            As they arrived inside the near-empty parking lot, Jared angrily yanked at Iris’s wrist and pulled her out of the car.  Her face was pale and had a tint of sick purple.  Her clothes were still wet and had remnants of food all over.  As Jared pulled her across the parking lot, the fresh breeze took some of the odor from her body, yet most remained.

             “I’m sorry mister, please calm down.” One of the pharmacists said calmly to a customer as Jared entered with his daughter.

             “You gave me the wrong pills!  You could have killed me!”

             “Relax.  The prescriptions are sometimes hard to read.  I apologize.”

             “What?  Are you retarded?!”

            Jared turned to Iris and saw tears falling from her eyes.  His eyes softened as he felt her small hand hold onto his more tightly than before.  He wondered if she was crying because of what the customer had just said, or if it was the pain from inside her.  He doubted she could have understood him to begin with.

             “Excuse me sir, I can help you.” Another pharmacist said from behind the counter, beckoning for Jared.

            In a soft voice, he explained Iris’s situation and asked for medicine to rid of the toxic chemicals in her body; he knew the procedure all too well.

            As the pharmacist completed his order, she kept glancing at Iris from behind the counter as if Jared wouldn’t notice.

             “What are you staring at.” Jared ordered repulsively, more of a rhetorical statement than a question.

            She had a compassionate look on her face, “I’m so sorry…”

             “Sorry?!  What are you sorry for?”

            She seemed alarmed, a bit shocked at his response.  “Excuse me.”

             “No, tell me.  Tell me what you’re so sorry for.”

            She ignored him and gave him his medicine.  The anger inside him often clouded his logic, causing him to do things he would never imagine of doing.  He would have yelled at her more, but he heard Iris’s voice crying even louder than before.  Grumbling, he took the medicine and left.

            Just as they had entered, he stormed back into the car without a spoken word.  Iris wanted to ease his anger, but she knew herself that she would make it worse.  It was a temper that she had begun to feel more and more familiar with, more as time progressed.  Impatience and rashness were two things she met too often.

            She wanted to be a daughter to make him smile, but she had lost grasp of it long ago.  She wanted to make him proud of her more than ever, so much that he would tell all of his coworkers and brag about her.  Only a few of his coworkers had even known he had a daughter; they thought she had died in the accident.

            After fixing Iris into her seat, as if she was incapable of helping herself, he stared the car and pressed on the pedal, but something caught his eye.

            Quickly, he stopped the car, halfway out of the parking spot, and got out of the car.  “Janet!” he yelled.

            A young girl, a few years younger than him, turned her green eyes at him, “Jared?  Is that you?”

             “When did you get here?” He asked, rushing towards her.

             “Oh, I came last week.  Chris’s still stayed behind in New York – he had a project he was working on.  What about you?  You didn’t come to church last Sunday, I thought you moved away maybe.”

             “Oh, I don’t attend anymore.”

            She paused, “Oh, that’s too bad…” Janet said, disappointed. 

            She was a friend of Grace’s since their high school years.  A few years after they married, she found a husband in New York and moved in with him.  The last time he had seen her was during Grace’s funeral.  She hadn’t changed much since then.  For several minutes, they talked together at the center of the empty parking lot.  Iris sat patiently from the car, waiting and watching.  Her stomach was twisting and turning, about to explode, but she refused to say anything.

             “So, how’s Iris doing?  She’s probably a star at soccer by now, isn’t she?”

             “Oh, no she quit…” Jared said, ignoring the fact she was still waiting for him in the car.

             “Aw, that’s a shame.  She would have been really good by now if she kept with it.  Schoolwork getting in the way?”

             “Several things…”

             “I see.  Hey, why don’t I come over tomorrow for dinner?” She suggested brightly, “You’re not busy right?  I’ve got to go back to New York this Friday, and I’d love to come over and visit you two.”

             “Er… that might not be such a good idea.” He was too embarrassed to show her what a monster Iris had become.

             “Aw c’mon.  I’ll bring something along okay?”

             “Alright…” Jared said lethargically.

            She smiled and continued towards the pharmacy, “Okay, I’ll see you then.  Bye.”

            Jared nodded his head to her, and then turned back to the car.  Iris’s amber-colored eyes brightened as he entered the car once more, but he ignored her as he slammed the door shut and drove the car out of the parking lot.

            Iris stared at the trees zooming passed her, trying to ignore the aching in her stomach; she knew if she complained, Jared would yell at her more and she didn’t want him to be mad.

            Waiting a while as the silence seeped into her ears, she said in a feeble voice, “Is Daddy in a bad mood?”

            He pretended as if she didn’t speak.

             “I’m sorry.  You told me always to clean the dishes before use it.  I spray cleaning onto the glass but it gave me tummy-ache.  I don’t want Daddy to be mad at me; I did what Daddy told me to do.”

            With an impassive look on his face, he ignored her a second time.

            The rest of the ride was silent.  They hadn’t spoken a word to each other as the car pulled into the driveway.  It was much darker than before.

            As the two of them entered, the stench from the kitchen was less intense from when they had left.  Iris stared at him with two, giant eyes but he never returned her a glance.

            Iris kept quiet, for Jared hadn’t yelled at her or gotten mad since their return.  He simply poured her a glass of water and helped her swallow the medicine to cure her stomachache.  Waiting for some time, he took her into the bathroom where she vomited the rest of the chemicals into the toilet.

            That night, the stars were dim and the moon was hidden beneath the clouds.  The wind blew softly, but the ebony trees were frozen still.  A dim lamplight stood on the nightstand to Jared’s right, and an empty space in the bed rested to his left.  Atop of him was the ceiling his eyes had become lost in for years with his hand rested over his forehead.

            Quietly, he heard a small infant’s footsteps enter into his bedroom, yet his eyes portrayed a 14-year old girl.  “Is Daddy in a bad mood?  Me will cook scramble eggs if Daddy is hungry.” She asked.

            If anything, Jared wouldn’t want his retarded daughter return into the damn kitchen.  “Go to sleep…”

            She turned and left, but returned shortly with a painting in her hands.  It had primitive oil flowers painted over the canvas in a childish fashion.  She brought it for him to see, but he didn’t look.  “Thank you Daddy.  My tummy is better.”  A large smile spread over her face.

             “Just go to sleep.  It’s late.”

             “Goodnight.” At that, she turned and trailed down the hallway to her bedroom.

.

.

            The next morning, the sun had welcomed another day to fall upon the two.  As usual, Jared fixed himself up as Iris greeted him with yellow roses.  He took a small package of yogurt with him and left for work.

            A sweet morning it was.  That morning was a bittersweet morning, showering the soft rays of light through the trees.  It was quiet and tranquil as his car drove slowly through the streets.

            Like many times before, he remembered the times Grace and he had walked through the streets, under the shade of the trees.  He remembered her face so clearly, and her smile more brightly than ever.  He drove just a little bit slower, letting his memories seep in a little bit more.

            She was a silly wife, but a good mother.  She always hummed oldies she played on the radio although she didn’t have the best voice in the world.  She liked to dance in the rain, getting herself so drenched that her clothes would drip with rain.  During the summer, he remembered often times she would turn the air conditioner up so high just so that she’d be able to wear a sweater.  She was so much more than he could ever be.  She was such a responsible mother, one he could never replace no matter how hard he tried.

            Iris, his precious little daughter, grew up just as lovely as her mother.  She had the same eyes as her, and the same smile.  Her childhood was filled with laughter and as she grew older, they were replaced by those sarcastic remarks that drove him crazy, but he still loved her nonetheless.

            He missed watching her early on Sunday mornings before church service had started.  Often times, she would just sit with her canvas by the window with Iris as the two of them painted together.  Pretending he was asleep, Jared would watch the two sit side by side by the window as the morning light surrounded them.  He always imagined it would last forever.

            As Iris waited at home, she sat in her bedroom, staring emptily at the collection of photos on her wardrobe.  Leaning against the wall, smiling back at her were yellow flowers made of oil swirls.

            Her eyes appeared vacant as they locked themselves onto the photos.  She stared at her two parents, smiling brightly at the camera with their newborn baby in their protective grasp.  Daddy’s smile was the largest, holding his daughter with his proud arms, determined to make her the best daughter in the world.  The small infant’s eyes were barely opened, staring a bit frightened at the giant world ahead of her.

            Mommy’s smile was always so pretty.  Her eyes were rich and alive, being the brightest in the family.  Her long, brown hair was wavy, and always so soft in Iris’s memories.  She always had three yellow roses tied into her hair, replicating the bright sunshine that they pained by every Sunday morning.  Just the sight of her made her feel warm inside – a feeling no one else in the world had ever given her.

            Across the wardrobe were photos of her as she grew up.  Mommy holding her hand on her first day of school, and appearing once again, standing behind her as she blew the candles out while girls her age stood around her whom she could no longer recognize.

            Her favorite picture was when Daddy had taken her out to pizza.  It was after she had made her first goal in soccer, scoring the winning goal that stole the game.  She remembered Daddy was so excited and so proud of her that he bragged to all of his friends.  He was so happy that he took her out for pizza that night, dragging Mommy along with him.  The three of them smiled so widely in the picture.

            Iris cocked her head to the side as her eyes gazed awkwardly at the picture.  How come Daddy never smiles like that anymore? Iris wondered.  How come Mommy isn’t here anymore?  Who are all of those girls around me?  How come I don’t see them anymore?

            As she stared in a hypnotic trance, her vision began to blur away as her mind swirled away into a whirlpool of memories.

             “Dad,” Iris complained, pulling on his arm, “Those old ladies are going to be gossiping about you at church again.  You know it.”

             “It’s too early…” He grumbled, turning in his bed.

             “If you get up and come to church with us, I’ll cook you scrambled eggs…” Iris said with a tempting grin on her face, “I know it’s your favorite.  With the spices and everything… you know you want some.”

             “That doesn’t seem too bad of a deal actually…”

             “Leave him alone Iris.” Grace said with a comical tone in her voice, “He was up late last night.  He needs his rest.”

             “Yes… listen to your mother.” Jared confirmed with a triumphant smile on his face.

            She nudged him in the arm before giving up on him, “You’re missing out.”

             “I promise, I’ll be there during the afternoon service.”

             “Don’t be late.  I’ll see you later.” Grace reminded, the last words she had spoken to him, “Let’s go Iris.”

             “Okay.  WithOUT Dad.”

             “Have fun guys.” Jared said apathetically from the bedroom.

            The two of them left the house and got into the car.  Slowly in a fateful motion, the car moved out of the driveway and left the house for the last time.

            As they drove through the rays of light the shimmered down from the heavens, they chatted with each other about the simplicities and complexities of a teenage girl’s life.  It was just a regular Sunday morning conversation between a daughter and a mother.

            The birds were silent that morning, and the wind was more still than usual.  The atmosphere was heavy, and Iris could feel the tiny hairs on her body stand in anxiety.  Her muscles tightened in nervousness, but her mother’s smile comforted her.

            Then, before her very own eyes, Iris saw a dash of light from ahead of the road.  It was unbelievable.  It happened before she could even blink her eyes.  She screamed out her mother’s name as the car came zooming towards them.  Her eyes widened as she urgently span the steering wheel, but it was far too late.

            The last memory she ever saw of her mother were three, yellow roses; three yellow colored roses on that Sunday morning.

.

.

             “You’re early.” Jared said, opening the door.

             “Yes I am, Mr. Thatcher.” Janet said, bringing a “homemade” dish she bought at the restaurant down the street.

            He sighed, “Well, come in.”

            Janet took a deep breath as she removed her shoes at the doorstep and entered the house.  It was the same as she had last seen it, nothing changed since then.

            Just then, Iris entered from the kitchen.  Janet smiled as Jared closed the door behind her, “Hey!”

            Janet stared at her blankly; she couldn’t recognize her.

             “Iris, this is Janet.  Janet, this is Iris.”

            Iris didn’t say anything.  “Aww, it’s only been a few years since I last visited.  You already forgot Auntie Janet?”

             “Apparently.” Jared said for Iris.

             “Hello.” Iris said, waving limply.

            Her hair was messy and tangled and her clothes were dirty.  Her voice was low and awkward, but savage like a child.  The face of the child seemed distant or even incomprehensive.  At that moment, she realized the reason Jared had seemed so different when she last met with him.  At first, she was shocked to see Grace’s daughter the way she was, but she just smiled.  “Hello Iris.”

            Then, solemnly, Jared led Janet into the dining room where he set up the dishes.  He never smiled.

            Janet simply took her seat and thanked Jared, but she hadn’t spoken another word; Jared knew exactly what she was thinking, but he ignored it like everyone else.

             “Is Iris eating with us?” Janet asked, noticing that Jared had only set up two plates.

            He didn’t answer.

             “You think I’m only here for you?  Give me a break.” She joked, relieving the seriousness of the atmosphere, “Let her eat with us.”

            Silently complying, Jared set out another plate on the opposite side of the table.  He called Iris’s name out and she came scrambling into her seat, for she feared he would yell at her again.

            Jared served himself and Janet some of the quick foods he prepared for the dinner, and gave Iris casual finger-foods he had prepared for her in the microwave.  He didn’t trust her to eat anything else, or it would end up all over the place.

             “She-“ Janet said, but she stopped herself.

             “What is it?” Jared asked.

             “She can eat by herself.” She dared to say with an uneasy smile.

             “Alright.” He was too tired to argue.  He took her plate away and served her the same dishes he served himself and his guest.  Reluctantly, yet without protest, he gave her a set of silverware to use.

            The dinner was silent and awkwardness lingered in the air.  A few short conversations of small talk shot out randomly, but they were each quickly snuffed out by silence.

            As Jared quietly ate his food, Janet glanced at Iris stare and pick at her food.  She seemed so fragile and small, almost as if she would break if she laid a finger on her.  As she looked into her eyes, Janet felt a stinging feeling inside her chest.  She looked almost exactly like Grace when she was in high school.  Such a poor soul, trapped in such a small body, forced to cope with the hardships of life.

            Suddenly, she heard a small yelp from Iris.  Immediately both Jared and Janet’s eyes reverted to Iris; her plate had toppled over and the food fell all over her clothes and the carpet.

             “I-I’m sorry.” Iris cried in a muffled voice.

             “Ugh…  I knew she would do this.” Jared grumbled in distaste, under his breath.

             “Jared…” Janet said as he stood up.

             “I’m sorry Janet.” He apologized without looking at her.  He grabbed her arm, pulling her out of her chair as she nearly tripped, trying to follow him.  She tried to fight the tears that were coming from her eyes.  She wanted anything to take back what she had done; she didn’t want to make Daddy mad.

            Jared closed the door behind him as they entered the kitchen so that Janet wouldn’t hear.  His footsteps were loud and heavy as he snatched a towel from the sink and harshly rubbed off the food from Iris’s clothes.  His rough hands were hurting her, but she held her breath so she wouldn’t cry.  She held her breath so hard until her face became purple.

             “I-I’m sorry.” She whimpered.

             “You’re sorry?!” Jared yelled, “That’s all you ever say.  What else can you even say?  Do you even know anything else?  Why am I asking you this, you can’t even understand what I’m saying.”

             “I’m sorry.”

             “Shut up!  Stop saying that!  You don’t even know how I feel!  You have no idea what I have to go through.”

            Iris couldn’t hold back her tears any longer.  She had never seen Daddy so mad at her before.  She loved him so much for taking care of her and being so kind to her that she wanted to be the bestest daughter ever, but she always made him mad.  She couldn’t do anything but make him mad.  She cried, knowing she couldn’t do anything to see his big big smile anymore.

             “What did you do to her?!” He cried, “My daughter, my wife, you took them from me!” Jared put his hands on her shoulders and shook her violently, “Get out of her!!  Get out of my daughter!!  Get out of my life!!”

            Iris cried and cried – she couldn’t do anything else.  She felt so helpless.  “I’m so sorry Daddy, I’m so sorry.”

            Hanging his head, he dropped his hands from her.  She kept repeating the same words over and over again.  He could feel his heart thundering loudly inside his chest.  It was thundering with anger, remorse, and frustration.  He stood up with his eyes closed, shutting the world out of his vision.  “I… I hate.” He froze, without completing his sentence.

            Iris’s eyes widened as she stared up at her hero.  Her entire body was instantly seized by an unfathomable emotion.  It was an emotion so strong and so sad that she it couldn’t be expressed in words, “D-Does Daddy… Does Daddy h-hate me?”

            Frustrated, Jared turned and left the kitchen slamming the door behind him.

             “Jared…” Janet said, rising from her seat.

             “I’m sorry Janet, you should go now.” He said briskly, cleaning up the dishes.

             “Don’t be so hard on her…  She’s trying her best…”

            Sighing, he threw himself over his chair.  With his eyes closed, he shaded his face with his hand, “I…  I don’t know what to do anymore.  How did Grace do it?  What did she do that I didn’t do?  I’m tired of this.  I hate this.”

            Janet sighed, “You have to believe in her.” She took her bag and put it over her shoulder, “I’m should be going now… I’ll see myself out.”

            Jared let the tears fall from his eyes, trickling down his face as he heard Janet walk towards out and close the door from behind her.

.

            That night, Jared kept himself up in his bedroom unable to concentrate.  He hated everything.  He hated how Grace left him.  He hated how Iris was so stupid.  He hated how everything Janet said to him was right.  He felt it so easy to give up when it was so important to keep going.

            He couldn’t stop thinking about her as he tried reading the mail at his desk.  He needed Grace with him more than anything.  He felt so useless without her.  He couldn’t live without her smile, or her sweet voice encouraging him to go on.

            The lamp was dim as usual, and the night was silent as usual, and Iris’s nimble footsteps came trotting into the room.  Jared closed his eyes, trying to tame his frustration as her irritating sobs rang in his ears.

             “Daddy…” She said, holding the painting of yellow-colored roses in her hands.

             “What?!” He yelled, exploding from his desk.

             “I-I brought-“

            In a furious rage, he stole the painting and threw it onto the bed.  His large, murderous hands grabbed the letter opener from his desk and drove it into the painting.  Ignoring Iris’s painful cries, he tore it across the canvas, cutting through the beautiful, oil petals.

             “Daddy!  Please, don’t!” Iris shrieked.

            He stabbed it once more, ripping and destroying every last shred of the painting.  He hated it more than anything.  Everything inside him loathed that hideous painting.

             “Please…” She said in a soft voice.  It was a miracle he had even heard her.  Then, in a soft voice like an angel, she spoke, “She’s crying.  Don’t hurt Mommy.”

            Suddenly, as he heard Iris’s sweet voice, his arms froze.

             “Mommy’s crying.  Don’t hurt her anymore.”

            His hands dropped the letter opener as tears cascaded down from his eyes like rain.  He stared down at the painting, torn in a million pieces.  He killed her.  He killed Grace a second time.

             “She can’t come to visit you every Sunday morning anymore.  She can’t visit you every time you’re in a bad mood anymore.”

            Jared didn’t know what to say to her.

             “Daddy… please don’t hate me anymore.  Please don’t be angry with me.  I know I make mistakes, but please don’t hate me.” With tears streaming from her eyes, she walked to him, quivering in fear that he might beat her, “Please, just look at me.  I haven’t changed.  Nothing changed since then.  I’m still the same Iris.”

            With his eyebrows furrowed, he turned and looked at her in the face.

             “I still remember everything.  I remember Daddy’s smile, and Mommy’s smile.  Why no more anymore?  You think everything is so bad now, but when did it get worse?  When did it get worse?  Everything is same.”

            Jared turned away rashly, turning his back to her.  Iris stood in his shadows as the dim light brushed passed her.  She stared up with two, giant crystal eyes at her superhero, turning his back onto her.

            Jared heard her scramble away, out of the door and into her room, yet he did none to stop her.  He heard her crying, but he didn’t stop her.  It trailed away into a ceasing silence, but once it had faded away, he wanted it back again.

            He sunk to the floor, leaning against the bed.  A few feet away from him was the letter opener, lying on the carpet.  It sneered at him, laughing at his cowardly uselessness.  The blood was on his hands now.  He stared at the knife, and the blood of his wife had spilled over the metal, soaking into the carpet.  As he looked into his palms, they were crimson red.  Then, he closed his eyes and tears fell from his cheeks; tears of the hope of redemption.

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            The rain was light as crystal shards of glass fell from the evening sky.  Iris shivered against the coldness as she walked through the mud.  She could barely open her eyes, keeping the rain from piercing into her eyes, yet she searched for her mother’s gravestone. 

            As she walked through the graveyard, she saw her reflection against the black obsidian towards that stood immobile.  She saw a girl whom she did not know, a young girl in her teens, just waking to the world around her.  She saw a girl who was just like any other girl that was loved by her two parents dearly.

            As she leaned against her mother’s gravestone, she felt water streak down her face; she couldn’t tell if it was the rain, or from her own tears.  She leaned against it as her reflection had entered into the stone.  It was as if she had entered into her mother’s loving arms, shielded away from the harsh rain that poured down.

             “Mommy…” She whimpered, “Daddy yelled at me today.  I wanted to make him happy again, but he yelled at me.”

            She paused as if her mother was answering to her.

             “Why am I here?  All I do is make Daddy mad at me.  I don’t want to make Daddy mad anymore, but I can’t do anything else.”

            She stared blankly at her hands.  They were hands that were capable of doing nothing but cause annoyance and inconvenience.  It was what Jared’s face had told her every single day – that she was of no use to him.  She liked to believe that though no one ever cared for her, and no one even looked at her, there was someone out there that was still missing her.  She wanted to believe someone was there that loved her despite all that she could not do, but there was none.  She couldn’t rid of his angry face from her memory.  All she could remember of him was his loud, harsh voice and his angry, exasperated visage.

             “Mommy, I’m all alone now.  I can’t see you anymore every morning.  Mommy, what did I do?  Was I being a bad girl?  I want to say sorry.  If there was something I did, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to do it.  I wouldn’t have done it if I knew this would happen.  I just want Daddy to smile at me again…” She squeezed her eyes shut, and the blood from her wounds poured out in tears, “Maybe if I disappear, it will make everything better again.  Daddy never loves me when I’m here, and he just wants me to go away, so he’ll love me if I disappear.  He doesn’t want me to go back.  He’s always ashamed about me, and he never talks about me like he did before.”

            The rain tapped against the gravestone as if replacing Grace’s tears.  Iris was soaking wet now, crouched on the mud, leaning against the stone pillar.  She hugged her knees as water dripped from her clothes.

             “I’m so sad…” She wept, “My chest hurts really bad.  I don’t know what to do…  I don’t know what to do…  I don’t know…”

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            It was already early in the morning, and Jared still hadn’t found his daughter.  He checked every single place he thought she could possibly have been: the ice cream shop, the pharmacy, or even the playground in the park, but she was nowhere to be found.  Now, he was standing alone in the empty graveyard, staring out at the area that had been washed away from the rain the night before.

             “I can’t find her…” He said to Janet, as she opened the door.  She was on the phone, but once she had seen him, she immediately shut it off.

             “What’s wrong…?  Why are you so wet?  Here, hurry inside.” She said, moving away from the doorway so that Jared could enter.

             “Iris… I can’t find her anywhere.”

             “What did you say to her…?”

             “I don’t know… I was so stupid.  Why did I do that to her…?”

            Janet could already figure what had happened.  She could see the frustration inside Jared.  It was just like Grace had described him to be.

             “She ran away…  And I don’t know where to find her.”

             “She just wants you to look at her the same way you would have if she wasn’t the way she was…”

             “But sometimes, it’s just so hard…”

             “Is it really…?  I don’t think it is.  Have you looked at her in the eye?  If you have, you’d see that she hasn’t changed at all.”

            Jared didn’t respond, nor did he look at her in the eye.

             “Where would she have gone…  When she was sad, who did she go to?”

             “Grace… She always went to Grace.”

             “Maybe she’s with her right now...”

            There he was, standing on the other side of the gravestone.  He stared at the engravings into the stone that read: Grace Thatcher.  For some time, he stood there, letting the morning breeze embrace him.  As still as the stone, he stood to bathe in the silence and bask in the sunrise.  He couldn’t remember how much time had passed.  His eyes gazed vacantly at the stone, watching his shadow pass over his reflection with the rising of the sun.

            He turned around and leaned his back against the gravestone, sinking into the muddy grass.  It had gotten all over his dress shoes and onto his suit, but he didn’t care.  He waited until everything was quiet, hushed away to allow the mist to move peacefully through her bearings.

             “Grace…” He said, with his voice echoing out into the morning.  He took a deep breath, abandoning all of his defenses, “Please forgive me…  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Remember all of those times that I’d come to you?  Well here I am once more, coming back to you when I don’t know what to do.  Without you, I feel so useless.  Sometimes, I feel like I can’t go on without you by my side, encouraging me on.  I don’t think Iris can ever forgive me for being a horrible father.”

            Jared hadn’t realized the tears that fell from his eyes until the breeze had stroked passed his skin.

             “She was our little angel wasn’t she?  I’m sorry for hurting your little angel.  It was me who had caused her to become like this.  It was me who killed you that day.  Every time I looked into her face, I saw you, but I turned away…  It’s because I’m so weak inside.  Now that you’re gone, she’s all I have left now…”

            Leaning his head against the stone, he closed his eyes shut.  Faintly from behind him, there was a feeble voice that spoke out.  He was surprised that he had even heard it.  Quickly, he rose to his feet and turned behind him.  As he walked behind the black gravestone, and as his reflection moved within the obsidian, he saw a small angel sleeping by the stone.

            Her face was dirty, and her clothes were soaking wet.  She seemed so small and fragile to him that even with the slightest touch, she could break.  But as he stared into her face, he didn’t just see the face of his daughter, but Grace’s.  Held tightly inside her fist were three yellow roses.

             “Daddy…?  Is that you…?” Iris muttered as she slowly opened her eyes.  She felt something warm wrap around her, holding her so tightly that nothing could ever harm her.

             “You…  You look just like your mother right now.”

            As the girl opened her eyes, she couldn’t hold back her crying.  She had so much to say to him, but instead, she said nothing.  

             “You’re my baby.  You’re my child.  You’ll always be.  Nothing’s changed.”

            A faint, childish smile grew across her face.  It was a sweet precious smile.

            Slowly, he released his grasp from her and stood up.  In the stillness of the morning, he lent out his hand to her, “Let’s go home.”

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A/N – My first submission to my school’s writing compilation.  I wanted this to be as tear-jerking as Christmas In L.A. but it was just more melancholy and gloomy.  Ah well, I say it’s pretty good for my second one-shot.  Well thanks everyone for reading this, and if you have any comments or suggestions, drop by a few words – I’m submitting this in so I want it to be perfect.

Oh, and one more very very important thing.  The first version had a cut off ending with no catharsis or climax or anything.  The GOOD ending that’s there right now was suggested by Foxdance, a very talented writer whom you should all check out.  Thanks Rach.

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