Chapter 1-Godless

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son."

The all too familiar sound of John 3:16 resonated in the mind of one troubled detective on a bright clear night. Hunched over his century old copy of the Bible, spread across his lap, he read in reverence and curiosity the story that for thousands of years has shaped the course of human history. Studying every word, scrutinizing every phrase and teaching, he searches for comfort, seeking to rid from his soul the heavy burden of sin and ignorance, seeking the truth, and seeking answers to age old questions which can only be resolved with one's own revelations.

Every once and awhile he would look up at the crucifix over his bed, an antique handed down for a century like the bible. He would gaze into the forgiving Savior's eyes looking up at heaven, filled with suffering; he would see the painted blood on his hands and feet, and the red dripping line on His right side. Our detective would feel a pain inside, reminding him of his bullet wound from a month ago, right in the side, bearing twenty stitches, bearing a hospital gown, and a thousand sympathetic roses, bloody in nature.

"Just because I have Jesus hanging on my wall, it doesn't mean I'm saved." Unbeknownst to him he stated the phrase out loud as he got back to reading.

A woman came into the bedroom brushing her long blonde hair.

"Derek? Honey, are you okay? What are you mumbling about now?"

She sat on the bed, put her brush on the bedside table, and sprawled onto her side, one leg after the other.

"What are you reading?" She inquired.

He answered in silence as he continued to read word for word. The comfort was just not coming to him.

She sat up completely, turned toward him, and put her long arms around his neck.
"Are you reading that damned book again? It does nothing but warp your brain."

"I am reading about my Savior."

He wriggled out from underneath her grasp, and slammed the heavy book shut.

"But I thought I was your savior, or so I was a month ago."

She looked at him confused; she just did not understand the entrancement of the message in the book, and what it had to do with her beloved.

"Unlike you Mary, I cannot live in a godless world, I just cannot."

He got off the bed and put the book away on the bookshelf.

"I try to understand your madness, but you are a totally different person when and after you read that book. I just cannot allow you to waste your life on hopes and dreams that are not real! He is just not there, and I hate the way you naively assume otherwise. Do not assume that everything is going to fall into place under a deity with no existence! You know what my mother always says, believing is seeing, and seeing is believing. Please tell me you do not want to run away and be a crazy mystic. I love you but I just cannot hold my tongue anymore. We need to worry about now, and us, we all die one day, and that's it! Poof! We are gone! The only thing left of us is our memory in other people. Do not spend your life trying to fix what cannot be fixed, or what is broken anyway."

Mary tried to bring Derek to logic, but you cannot lead a horse to water and then make him drink.

"Did I ever tell you that your mother is an ignorant whore?"

Derek snidely remarked as he lifted his head and held his self up against the bookcase.

"Oh How dare you say that about my mother."

Mary stated quite irately.

"Oh but it is true darling. You do not know whom your real father is now do you? Oh you don't!"
"You want to discuss religion or reality lets discuss it, but leave my family history out of this!"

Mary was kneeling on the bed with disgust as Derek started to get in her face.

"Enough already! I am tired of your lectures on my dreams and how what is not here can ever be proven. And according to your individualistic theory, it is my life, and I can squander it any way I choose! That's how they made prostitution legal, that's how drugs are legal! We can damn ourselves all we want. And no one is going to give a damn either! I choose to right my wrongs to help myself cope with the brainwashing of this world."

He passionately contested as he lashed out at his beloved girlfriend. Mary soon started to cry.

"Why.why do I love you detestable swine."

Through her tears she managed to stutter her insult.

"God forgive me."

He gasped as he closed his eyes and turned away from the bed.

"I need a cigarette."

Derek walked out of the apartment, and headed toward the roof in the hallway. He opened the door when a burst of wind and lightning came through the door. He dared not go out. He walked back to the apartment, opened the door and sat on the couch, turned on the television when he got into the living room. His break would have to wait. He heard Mary crying for a good half an hour, and when the sobbing ceased, he came into the bedroom and turned out the light. He came over to her side and sat down. He stroked her forehead and kissed it.

"Poor ignorant soul."

He whispered to her in her dream state. He got back on his section, and laid down in the covers.

"Jesus, cleanse me of my sin through the blood of your salvation. I love this woman and wish not to lose her. Give me the strength to convert her. Please God here the cry of your servant. Cleanse me with your blood."

Then sleep came over him, as a single red teardrop flowed from the crucifix above the bed of the godless, and the god-full.