Return of the Final Fantasy Practices Bull Censored

note: May contain spoilers

Zidane: I’m baaaaaaack!!

Garnet: Oh boy.

Zidane: Actually… I’m not even in the sequel!

Steiner: Thank GOD.

Zidane: You’re not in it either.

Steiner: Darn…

Zidane: My Rod Will Be Your Doom.

Garnet: Will you quit being my hoe? puts down a hoe with “Zidane” Written on it

Zidane: Im Just marking my territory

Steiner: PERVS.

Garnet: On with the show!

Cid: Hey people wassup?

Brother: Nothin Much Cid my man.

Vivi: Hey Brother. Hey Cid.

Brother: Where’s Yuna? I want to see her dance!
Yuna: I’m right here! I play a bigger role in this story!

Brother: YAY!!!!

Yuna: Heh. Brother C’mere.

Brother: Huh? goes to Yuna

Yuna: stands on her tippy toes kiss

Brother: turns red OO YUNA!!!!!!!!! I knew it!!! I knew you liked me!!

Yuna: Uh.. I don't. Rikku just dared me to .

Rikku: hehehe. Hiiiii .;;;

Brother: OO RIKKUUUUUUUUUUUU

Rikku: Eep.. hides behind Yuna Save me Yunie!

Yuna: Brother, calm down!! Hey… remember… that time Brother?

Brother: What time?.. Oh…

flashback

note: This isnt supposed to be EXACTLY like the ending of X-2 so don't get mad at me or anything. Its MY story.
Yuna: BROTHER! FASTER!

Brother: Rojer!

Yuna: BROTHER HIGHER!

Brother: ROJER!!

Yuna: I CANT HEAR YOU!!

Brother: ROJERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuna: thinks to herself It all started with that sphere I saw of you…..

Screen goes black

Screen comes back in focus slowly

Tidus: In water by besaid ..whaa… ah…? Besaid…. stands up

Celsius flies by

Tidus: Yuna? OO! whistles looks to the sky

Celsius flies back

door opens

Yuna (Age 90): comes out walking with one of them granny walkers

Tidus: Uh.. Hi ma’am. Do you happen to know where Yuna is?
Yuna: By Golly… I’m Yuna.. and you’re… adjusts glasses Uh.. Ah .. TIDUS!!! You’re so young!!! What happened?!?

Tidus: thinking That's what I’D like to know… un-thinking Uh.. I dunno?

Yuna: It’s you!! Ive missed you… soo much.. come give your ol’ friend a kissie.

Tidus: oo;;; Uh… thinking oh man ew.. unthinking sure.. kisses yuna cringes
Yuna: I never got married, Tidus. I knew you’d come back.

Tidus: For me? Wow.. um.. look I have to do something real quick. I’ll be right back.

Yuna: okay Don't take too long!!

Tidus: runs behind some rocks Dude was I tooken into the future? Too freaky. Man this Is messed.. Fayth.. Come to me. closes his eyes

Fayth: Don’t Cry. I mean. Hi Tidus.

Tidus: Fayth! Take me back!!

Fayth: cocks head But I thought you wanted Yuna!

Tidus: Not THIS Yuna!!!

Fayth: Very well. This was a test… to see if your love was true. Apparently it’s not. waves his hand
Tidus: Ah! falls over colors blurr falls into the darkness

Tidus: Everythings so dark… puts hands out grasps something Huh? Whats this?!??! pushes a button

The room lights up

Tidus: Ah.. a … what is this? It makes light.. It must be cursed or something!! Throws it down light goes out

????: It’s called a flashlight and it’s not cursed.

Tidus: huh whos there?

????: flicks light on I’m Vivi. You got stuck here by the fayth too?
Tidus: Yeah.. wait.. how’d you know.

Vivi: Uhm.. MY grandpa ate me. Long story.

Tidus: oh.. ok..

Vivi: Well… what are you? Fighter? Theif? Black Mage?

Tidus: Uh o-O I’m Me. Whats a Black Mage?
Vivi: Ah.. you must of been from a class-less… society… giggles

Tidus: uh.. alright.. Hey have you seen a beautiful girl named Yuna here have you?
Vivi: Actually I have… She took off looking for some.. Teedus dude.

Tidus: THAT'S ME! And my names TIDUS not TEEDUS.

Vivi: Well then..I guess you should see this, Tidus.

Tidus: Ok.. what is it?
Vivi: Hitclip.

Tidus: AHHH!! ducks DON'T HURT ME.

Vivi: huh?
Tidus: You casted a spell on me..

Vivi: Uh no this is CALLED a HITCLIP.

Tidus: Oh.. lemme see.

Vivi: Put it in your ear.

Tidus: shoves the whole thing in

Vivi: rofl. Dude. Just the earphone

Tidus: Oh.. puts the earphone in

Tidus: listens

Yuna: Its REAL! EMOTION! Da da da… I’m never a-lone! Da da da… I can hear you!! Da da da…

Tidus: I wonder who she’s talking about… And what exactly IS a hitclip?

Vivi: I suppose It’s like a sphere in your world… Only with music. Look. This Is the human world. Theres many good and bad things here. If you don't stick with me, you’ll be screwed.

Tidus: Ok. Can we go find Yuna?

Vivi: Ok. Lets set out.

Tidus: Alright!

Vivi: All this sewer pipe and no cheese to be found!!

Tidus: Cheese?
Vivi: Its made from Cow milk.

Tidus: Cow? Milk? Wha?????

Vivi: A cow is like a chocobo I guess. Only people eat them.

Tidus: WHAT?!?!?! EAT THEM!!!
Vivi: Yep….

Tidus: That's so sad..

Vivi: anyways. Lets go. Vehicleaga

Tidus: Woah.

Vivi: Get in.

Tidus: What kind of machina is this!?!?

Vivi: It’s called a MACHINE. It’s a Car. It takes you places. Fast.

Tidus: Cool…

car goes vrooom

Vivi: uh ohh… Its overheating.

Tidus: Whats gunna happen?
Vivi: I.. I don't know!!

Tidus: Well I don't li-- BOOOOOOOOOOM the car explodes
Tidus: AHHHHHHHHHH passes out

blackness
Tidus: wakes up ah.. where am I now?

Fayth: You are dead, tidus…

Tidus: NO WAAY!! .. Now I’ll never get to see Yuna again….

Fayth: Um.. we can go visit her…

Tidus: Really? Okay!! Thanks so much!!

Fayth: Mhm.. flies away
Tidus: flies after him

Fayth: Theres Yuna points And she's not old. I gave you another shot.

Tidus: Yuna!! flies down to Yuna YUNA YUNA!!! CAN U HEAR ME!?!? tries to hug her

Fayth: She cant see you. You’re dead.

Tidus: Ugh. That was POINTLESS

Fayth: Not really. You can possess someone and talk to her that way.. The only problem is making her believe you are you…

Tidus: All right!!!

Rikku: runs in Yay for bein parodys!!! runs out

Fayth: You should Possess.. Kimahri!!

Tidus: Ok! posses Kimahri

Tidus: Ah.. it feels like a pie…

Yuna: What’d you say Kimahri?

Tidus: YUNA!!! ITS ME TIDUS!!!

Yuna: Kimahri its not nice to joke around like that… you know how I feel about Tidus…

Tidus: No Yuna its really me! I had to possess Kimahri!! Here.. whistles Come to me Yuna!!!….

Yuna: watery eyes Tidus.. its really you!! hugs tidus

Tidus: holds Yuna strokes her hair Yes… Im glad to be with you finally…

Yuna: When do you have to go?…

Tidus: I don't know. Soon…

Yuna: teary eyed When will I see you again?

Tidus: …I don't know.. Look.. I died. And now I’m here.. Ask the fayth if you can come be with me!!
Yuna: And ditch all my friends!?!

Tidus: /I/ Cant come back… So you can either be with your friends or with me…

Yuna: Uh.. um.. I don't know… I duno.. FAYTH COME TO ME!!!

Fayth: Yes Yuna?

Yuna: can Tidus come back to me?

Fayth: Only if your love is true…

Yuna: YOU LIED TIDUs!!
Tidus: well I didn't know if…

Yuna: sigh I do love him, fayth. Please bring him back.

Fayth: Very well. waves his hand

Tidus appears
Kimahri gets undepressed
Kimahri: AHH BIRAN RONSO WHAT HAVE YOU DON--- Er. Hi yuna..

Yuna: hehe hI Kimahri..

Tidus: Hey Kimahri.

Yuna: Oh Tidus you’re back!!! clings to him

Tidus: smiles Yes.. I am..

Yuna: Im so happy..

Tidus: me too… Lets get married…

Yuna: Yes!

3 months later

Yuna: I do.

Tidus: I do.

cheering

Kimahri: holding Pom Poms YAAAY GO YUNA!!

RikkU: jumps aroud Y U N I E!!!! YAY yuna!!!!!!!11

Lulu: Son, sit down!
Kamai: Yes mommy..

Wakka: That's my boy!! smiles

Jecht: bursts in the door TIDUS MY BOY!! You’re finally married.. I don't think you could do it.

Tidus: My old man?!

Jecht: The Fayth Let me come back! I apologized for killing so many people.. He let Auron come back too!
Auron: pokes head in ‘ello.

Yuna: Sir Jecht! Sir Auron! hugs them

Tidus: Jelousy Jecht.. Why did you come?
Jecht: Im sorry for being so mean to you Tidus… I really wanted to see you happy..

Tidus: Really?!?! sniff
Jecht: No, not really. Hahahhaha. Im glad you are though.

Tidus: Grrr…

Auron: Congrats Tidus. I knew you could do it.

later that night

Tidus: touches Yuna’s chin I love you…..

Yuna: heh. I love you too…

Tidus: goes to kiss Yuna

Yuna (90 years old): I’ve waited for this day for soo long..

Tidus: AHH.

Tidus: wakes Up looks at Yuna Only a dream.. phew

Yuna: Tidus…

Tidus: What?

Yuna: I desire a sweet long whiteee tasty DONUT!!!!

Tidus: falls over at 3 am?

Yuna: Yes (

Tidus: Uh.. are you pregnant?

Yuna: …. Mebbe

Tidus: .. With Kimahri!! I KNEW IT!! YOU LOVE HIM MORE THEN ME!!

Yuna: Darn. You figured out my secret….

Tidus: What?!?!?

Yuna: I’m Actually Biran Ronso… And I’m a gay Ronso.

Tidus: What the heck?

alarm clock rings
Tidus: Arg.. another friggin dream O

Butler: Cracker Sir Tidus?

Tidus: Uh Sure.. takes one
Butler: Good day, Sir. snicker

Tidus: … This cracker looks suspicious… I think ill analyse it. farts on it

The cracker turns green and morphs into a lizard

Tidus: … and now ive seen everything.

Yuna: TIDUS!! THAT'S A FIEND WATCH OUT.

Tidus: Eeep. Wheres Brotherhood!?!?
Yuna: It was destroyed when Sin died!!!

Tidus: gulp Tackles the Fiend

Fiend: HISSSSSSSSSSSSS HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS pees on Tidus

Tidus: Ewwwwwwwwwww It PEED on me.

Yuna: Whats so bad about getting pee’d o….wait.. eh-heh…. THUNDARA

Yuna: shields her eyes. TIDUs. LOOK AWAY!!!

Fiend: Aaahhhhh Explodes in a blinding flash of light

Tidus: What? Uh.. ahh.. AHHhHHHH!!! MY EYESSS OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW

Yuna: Are you ok?
Tidus: I cant.. see.. anything…

Yuna: Great. I told you to shield your eyes. Throws a remedy at Tidus

Tidus: uses it Ah thanks.. everythings still blurry…

Yuna: I think you neeed glasses then..

Kimahri: Dr. Kimahri At Tidus’ service.

Tidus: You’re a doctor?
Kimahri: Eye Doctor.

Tidus: Why?

Kimahri: Every Ronso need Gil.

Tidus: Okay…

Kimahri: Tidus Need Glasses. Tidus look through glass till one work.

Tidus: Ok. tries on a few Hmmm… Ok these ones work.

Kimahri: Good. You Have. Give Kimahri Gil.

Tidus: Er.. How much?

Kimahri: 40,000 1/3 Gil

Tidus: Okay.. gives you 40k Gil Uh. A 1/3?

Auron: Allow me. Chops a Gil in 1/3 gives it to Kimahri.

Tidus: oo

Auron: You’re Welcome. I must go.. flies away

Ashton: I like barrels.

Tidus: Who are you?
Ashton: oO I like barrels.

Tidus: Okay…

Ashton: BAARRELS!!!!!

Tidus: OO

Yuna: Barrelaga

Ashton: GASSSP BARRRRRRRRRREEEEEEELLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GASP GASP GASP!!

Yuna: lol..urnaga

Ashton: URN!! BARRLE!! URL!! COLORFUL BARRELS! SPICY URN! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH BARREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tidus:……..D

Yuna: Rofl. Wood.

Sailor Jupiter: I like pie.

Ashton: I like Barrels

Sailor Jupiter: oO; Jupiter Barrel Evolution!!!!

The Barrel turns green, into ivy, and grows LARGE

AshtoN: BIGGGG EATABLe BARReL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sailor Jupiter: Haahhaahahah..

Tidus: Why do we have a grill in our house, Yuna?
Yuna: We don't.

Ashton: Dude, I’m not a grilll… I like barrels.

Sailor Jupiter: Crap. Theres been an oil spill. I must go. Woosh

Ashton: Im so lonely.. turns on the faucet puts water in barrel

Water: Woooosh

Ashton: What was that?

Water: Wooooooooosh

Ashton: Wha.. huh.. YEAH! SCORE ONE FOR ME!! The Water barrel loves me .

Yuna: That's nice.

Tidus: Ashton.. are you a girl or a boy?

Ashton: I think im a boy but im not sure. I never could tell….

Yuna: That's….

Tidus: Distrbing…

Yuna: Yeah..

Kimahri: Kimahri Like Bunnies. Kimahri Go skip in field of bunny and flowers.

Yuna: Bye Kimahri.

Kimahri: Bye Yuna.

Tidus: sigh Well what now?

Yuna: Let the randomness begin! turns on the radio

Radio: Moose: NNNNNNNPH!! Mmmm.. paws hoofs MMOOOOOOOOH MOOOOOO NNNNNNPHH MMMMMMMMHPHHHHHH

Yuna: What the heck?

Radio: And The Free Yak has been claimed! By.. reads paper Matthew Rose!

Yuna: Whos that?

Tidus: Umm.. Corys friend.

Yuna: Whos Cory?

Tidus: The Author’s Brother

Yuna: ooooh.

Radio: And Heres the list of Obituaries: Dudley, Pierre, Layla, Carlos, Fran, Freddy, Leon, Bingo, Zara, Betty, Theresa, and Thomas. If those names sound farmiliar then you are a gaming freak! Yay!

Tidus: Bored.

Yuna: Me too.

Tidus: Lets play Soul Calibur 2.

Yuna: Kay.

Tidus: I will be HeiHachi

Yuna: I’ll be Kilika. He’s so cuuute.. His hair is.. His body is.. ew…ness.. hahah I said NESS!

Ness: Leave me out of this!! ’(

Tidus: Uh.. that's a town not the character.

Yuna: Oh.. well whatever his name is! The one with the rod.

TV: Final Battle!

Yuna: Kick!

Tidus: Guard

Yuna: High0Level Attack!

Tidus: Ugh! falls over

Yuna: Low Level Attack

Tidus: OOF OOF OOF OOF

Yuna: :D

Tidus: turns Soul Charge Level 3!

Yuna: uh oh.. runs backwards

Tidus: runs forwards HORIZONTAL STRIKE

Yuna: Verticle Strike horizontal Strike
Tidus: falls

TV: Player One Victory!
Yuna: YAY I WON!
Tidus: er.. lets play something else now..

Yuna: Okay.

Tidus: I don't wanna play any more video games.

Yuna: Why?

Tidus: Cuz they’re too hard to explain using text!

Yuna: Oh…

Tidus: Bored.

Yuna: Yep. Hey lets go ride a Chocobo

Tidus: Okay.

Yuna: HOLY CRAP

Tidus: what?

Yuna: THERES A FRICKING HUGE - ARSE ANT OVER THERE!!!!!!!!!! SCREAM

Tidus: WHAT?!?! OO

Yuna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Tidus: HOLY CRAP that's like an inch long im serious.

Yuna: I KNOWWW!!! KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL ITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! OO

Tidus: aahhhhh……… Smushes a paper on it
Ant: crawles around

Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHh SMISH SMISH SMISH SMISH

Ant: crawles faster

Yuna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OO SMISHES PAPERRRR ON IT

Ant: crawls around slower

Tidus: its THE EVERLASTING ANTTTTT!!!!!!

Yuna: POTATO

Ant: stops moving

Tidus: throws it into the trash THAT. Was the SCARIEST ANT. Ive EVER SAW.

note This was an actual event that happened.

Chocobo: KWEH!

Yuna: Huh?

Tidus: Kweh Kweh KWEH Kweh

Yuna: oO what?!?

Tidus: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Cait: runs in D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuna: Weee..d? oO

Cait: Yes, weed. Its bad don't do it.

Yuna: But I don't!!

Cait: Oh I know but all the irresponsible teenagers do it.

Yuna: oh really? What about the responsible ones?

Cait: They smoke Crystal Meth. Or sniff it. Hmm…

Yuna: oO.. Im scared?

Cait: Haha inside joke… winks at SHANE XD They don't actually smoke NUFFIN.

Yuna: ohh…

Tidus: seeks attention KWEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 pecks at yuna

Yuna: Tidus whats wrong?…

Tidus: turns into a silver chocobo KWEH!

Yuna: Uh….

Fayth: Yuna. Wake up.

Yuna: Opens Eyes Huh?

Fayth: Yuna.. calm down.. you need to be calm so you can become a summoner today.

Yuna: But I already am! I defeated Sin!

Fayth: Sure you did.. It was all a dream…

Yuna: You mean… Tidus….

Fayth: Huh?

Yuna: Hm.. gets clothes on I better go do It then.

Chocobo: kweh!

Yuna: hops on a chocobo

The Chocobo flies into the air.. emitting a strange metalic green glow. It slowly starts folding inward, and implodes, leaving a small sparkling dust which floats to the ground, hardens up and becomes a rock

THE END

Cait: I know it was less random then the other story but I think we all need to be sane sometimes.