Soothing pain
Oh, my Love, I gaze into your eyes, and I wonder how to explain.
The swirling cloud of enigma in my heart is thick and impenetrable.
I know you love me, and oh, how I long to wrap you in my arms and tell you
the same,
But alas, these calluses, these marks of not forgiven wrongs and not
forgotten pasts scar the beauty of this heart.
These ghosts of my unburied past haunt this soul.
Understand, Love, that it isn't you I fear.
It isn't you who hurts me.
Realize, my Darling, that pain is my adiction, the one constant in a life
that shifts beneath my feet like uneven ground.
Try as I would to escape it, the iron hand clutched at my heart, wrenched
it, lacerated it till I shed crimson tears of agony.
So often was I forced back into an invisible existence, so often was I
force-fed hatred's poison that eventually the pill became easier to
swallow, and
It was my solace.
Pain clung to me like a parasite, leeching love, joy, and all benevolent
feeling out until I knew only the harshness of its power.
Love beckoned me to safety, and I shrank away in fear of the unknown,
wrapping myself in the bloody strands of my familiar suffering.
When you reached out, the warmth in your touched scorched my open wounds,
yet somehow you coaxed me into the light.
Slowly, tenderly you began to mend the ravages of cruelty.
Oh, but the monstrous pain plucked me back into the shadows with relentless
talons.
Desperately I fought against its tenacious grip and managed to extricate
myself,
but when I am thrust back into doubt and fear, I can see its towering form.
Oh, sweet love, free my heart.
Slay this dragon, oh knight of my affections.
I fear it's hold.
It's all I know.
It has grasped me till its fangs became less sharp, till its fire warmed my
hands.
I loathe it, yet it comforts me.
I can love you,
but can you save me from my soothing pain?