Warden of the prison in my heart.
Kindergarten, 1989, how well I remember you.
You were the shy, skinny little boy with rumpled brown hair and piercing
green eyes and never missed a move. You'd sit there, that timid expression
on your
face, grinning enough to make visible those three gaps, which were the
first sign that you were growing up.
I'd fix my curious gaze on you across the play room, watching you try to
fit in with the other boys, the tough ones who thought they were 5 going on
13.
I'd wonder what made you withdraw behind that wall of timidity and why you
wouldn't be friends with me.
January, 2001, nearly 12 years later, you mysteriously reappeared in my
life.
No longer scrawny and shy, time transformed you into a tall, broad-
shouldered, muscular young man.
Your voice was steady, your laughter confident.
You moved with the sureness and grace of the Irish dancer you dreamed of
becoming.
Your father cast you off as a burden of shame.
He wouldn't have a dancer for a son.
You held your head high.
You danced on to the song of your soul, the symphony of strength that
earned you my admiration and love for all time.
In your eyes I still saw that timid 5 year-old, and his reflection made me
want to take you in my arms and soften the calluses on your aching heart.
Slowly, tentatively you beckoned me over the threshold of your soul, and
there I found the friend I'd always dreamed you'd be to me.
When the rest of the world brushed me off like a troublesome fly, you
pulled me close and pledged to me your friendship.
Blindly, faithfully I put my trust in those words, and not for one second
did I doubt their sincerity or truth.
May 2003, Where are you?
The months have stretched like an ocean between us.
Desperately I plunge into the abyss, drowning in tears that sting my eyes
and dim that vision of you, waiting with open arms to retrieve that lost
gem of
friendship and trust.
Your outline is fading.
You begin to slip away into the unreachable edges of my consciousness, the
place where shadows lurk, waiting to welcome you into the midst of
childhood
demons and ghosts of the past.
My heart is your prison.
Selfishly I have locked you in, but now I must set you free.
In my mind I can see the image of your 5 year-old self, grinning toothily
at me, your emerald eyes twinkling with boyish curiosity, and when I open
my
eyes, the chains that have bound you to me have loosened.
The marks of my hold on your spirit, which have deepened with time, begin
to fade.
You've fled and left me here in your vacated cell to attempt to cover your
footprints on my heart.
Dedicated to Chris with love.