In Times Like These
Written by Brian Mundt

"You have to promise me"
"I can't. You don't understand."
"Put yourself in my position, how would you feel?"
"I know, but I can't make a promise I don't know I can keep. I take it seriously."
"Promise me. You have to promise me you won't kill yourself."
Dave let a slight laugh escape his frustrated lips. "Sarah, I don't plan on it, I'm not laying here thinking 'tomorrow at three o'clock I'm going to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger,' all I'm saying is that sometimes I get depressed and it feels good to know that I have a way out."
"Please, promise me." Even in the dark, Dave could see the pleading, helpless look in her eyes. Light from the street lamps crept through the glass pane in the kitchen and seeped through the door to the basement, but was lost in the light of a burning candle atop the pool table.
"I promise."
She smiled but he could tell it was forced. He took it as a smile of sympathy but returned the gesture anyway. She squeezed him the best she could considering the way they were laying.
"You know, we should find different place to hang out. I mean, nothing against your house, but lying on a cement floor with only a sleeping bag in between isn't the most comfortable thing in the world."
Dave laughed softly at the drastic change in conversation. "What are you talking about? There's carpeting in between too." They hugged a second before a tear rolled down his cheek. The light camouflaged his emotion and he didn't want it any other way, but a small part of him prayed that she would see and lend a hand of comfort of word of compassion on his head. He shook off the thought and closed his eyes.
Night ripped him into a world he knew all too well; a world of dreams and misery. Every night it was the same, a temporary reality of demons and depression; a prison inside his head that he wasn't able to break from.
"It's kind of fun actually, I get good idea's from my dreams. They scare me at first, but after that, I'm glad I had them." It was a lie he told Sarah often. When they first started to date, he told her of his dreams. She reacted the way he thought she would; a little scared, especially when he went into detail. He never held it against her though, he was scared himself.
The night passed as he suspected; the same way it had every day for the past year; dream after endless dream.
The promise he made stayed embedded in his brain for three weeks. It was always there, and as soon as he had thoughts that might make him break the promise, he thought of her face and her loving concern. It always made the thoughts dissipate. He was happy he made the promise.

Sarah awoke suddenly when her cellular phone rang. The cheerful chime rang through her room and assaulted her ears. With a heavy head, she swung her vision towards the glowing red numbers of her alarm clock.
"Jesus Christ, who's calling at two?"
She picked up the ringing and shaking phone and squinted to read the illuminated screen. It was Dave's number. Her mind rebounded back to the night he made the promise. He stomach dropped at the thought that something might be wrong. With shaking hands, she flipped the cover open.
"Dave? What's up?" She tried to shadow the fatigue and worry that manifested itself in her voice.
"I had a really bad day, and I thought we could talk."
"Of course, of course, what happened?
Dave hesitated a second before he spoke. The second of hesitation caused her to worry more. "My dad and I got into a fight."
Sarah waited for a sentence to follow, but none came. "What happened?"
On the other line, Dave breathed a sigh and started to talk in a quiet voice. "We just started to fight, over something really stupid. I guess I said some hurtful things, but so did he. I don't feel bad, is that wrong of me?"
"No, of course not."
"I was thinking about breaking the promise I made. I thought I should call you before I did anything I wouldn't get the chance to regret."
"Oh my God, I didn't think it was that bad."
"My mind just clouded over, I couldn't think right. I started to lose it; I think I broke my hand."
Sarah had thought that he sounded like he was in a little pain, now she knew. "How'd that happen?"
"I don't know, I just started hitting stuff. You know that wood banister we have in our dining room?
"Yeah"
"Well, I punched that as hard as I could."
"Did you go to the hospital?"
"No, I got kicked out of my house. I just got home; I drove around for a few hours. Sorry it's late, but I didn't want to get home when they were still awake."
"No, it's not that late, I was up anyway; couldn't sleep."
"I don't know what to do Sarah, I'm really depressed. I'm not thinking right. My dad said some really mean things."
Again, he paused and hesitated. Sarah knew he was having a hard time. She granted him the time he needed. He continued "He said that he had no attachment to me anymore and that he didn't care if I was even alive."
"You know he didn't mean it. He was just mad. You probably said some things that you didn't mean to."
"That's just it. I meant every word I said. I don't feel bad about any of it. I probably will regret it in a few days, but right now I feel nothing."
"You know he didn't mean it"
"I think he did. I know him, he's been my father for seventeen years, and I know when he's serious."
"I'm really sorry." Sarah shifted uncomfortably, she was getting nervous. She didn't have a response for him let alone a solution.
There was a pause in the conversation. She could hear his breathing on the other end; it didn't sound natural.
"I was really close today, closer than I have ever been before. Right before I left the house, I took a couple bottles of pills with me, some sleeping pills and Aspirin."
The conversation was getting harder and harder to endure. She felt powerless to help. A tear rolled from her cheek and landed on the receiver.

"Don't cry. Please, I'm really not worth it."
"I'm not crying and you are worth it."
"Wow, two lies in a row, you're good."
Another helpless tear rolled down her face.
"If I were there right now, I'd give you a hug."
"But you aren't" He replied. "So there's no use thinking about it."
She couldn't think of anything to say. "Right"
"When I was thinking about it, I went to this park. It was so beautiful; I wish you could have seen it. Everything was perfect. The sun was out and it reflected off the water. These ducks were swimming and their little bodies made ripples appear on the water. And I noticed the clouds too; they were so thick and amazing. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was alive."
After his words, the floodgates opened; her tears ran uncontrollably. She knew he could tell that she was crying now, because she was sniffling and breathing louder. Dave was the one to break the silence.
"What are you thinking about?"
"How about I tell you in ten minutes?"
"No, just tell me now." He resembled an impatient child.
"I'll tell you in ten minutes."
"Fine" This time the word came out in an exasperated whine.
Silence filled the receiver. Just the alternating breathing let them know that each other was alive. Dave pulled in a breath as if he were about to speak, held it, and let it out in a single burst. She did the same. Another minute passed, she couldn't take it any longer.
"I hate silence. It makes me uncomfortable."
Dave took his time responding. "Not me, I enjoy it. If we can go without talking and just feel what the other is feeling, isn't that better than talking?"
"I guess so."
Minutes more passed, the silence refused to leave.
"It's been ten minutes; can you tell me what you were going to before?"
"Give me two more. That's it, I promise."
"Right" His words were that of impatient frustration.

"Okay, go outside
"And why would I go outside?" His response was laced with slight annoyance.
"Because I'm here to give you a hug."

Sarah's red car pulled into the driveway. As her headlights followed the path of the driveway, she shrieked. The dim lights revealed a lifeless figure. At first, she couldn't make it out, but she noticed the ripped shirt. It was Dave's favorite; a black one with a single white line running the length of it. It was the one she teased him about. It was two sizes too small and was ripped underneath the armpits. Now the shirt was a darker black and wet.
She couldn't think even to cry. She put the car in park and stared at the body on the ground. It was her David; her boyfriend of a year, lying on the cold cement. His white hands still gripped the shotgun. The driveway behind him was stained red.
She let out another whimper when she heard the breathing on the other side of the phone.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I just didn't know what to do."
"Dave" Her words barely escaped as a whisper.
"You know I love you and that won't change. I'll see you again someday. Goodbye." His voice trailed off.
The dial tone sounded; she ripped it from her face and looked at the display. The words 'LOW BATTERY' flashed and the phone went dead.