Picket Lion

This story was written by my father. I have posted it here with his permission.

A lion in the backyard just ate my cousin's three year old. A committee of concerned citizens is being formed to go and present our issue to the lion. We are sure that if he hears our point of view, he will see that this is just not acceptable behavior.

Seven of our citizens went to talk to the lion. We presented a four point argument, using posters, and then performed a skit to illustrate our case. The lion said, “Well too bad. I like to eat people, so deal with it.” The case is being brought back to the council for evaluation. A public forum will be held tonight at 8pm to discuss this case. We have ruled out violent reprisals, so be prepared to present a peaceful solution to this thorny (or toothy) problem.

In the public forum, there were a number on non-violent suggestions offered. We have decided to build a twenty-foot palisade around our village. Since we estimate that we need approximately ten square miles for agriculture and grazing land for our livestock, it is estimated that it will take us about ten years to complete the project. In the meanwhile, a smaller enclosure around the cluster of huts is going to be built. That project should take about seven days.

The project to enclose the village in a 20 foot palisade is going smoothly, and we should be finished in a few days. We have lost three sheep and one timber-cutter this week, however, to the lion.

The palisade has been finished for two weeks and we are frankly getting a bit stir-crazy. However, village elders caution us to travel in groups of ten or more when making trips outside of the wall. It is our sad duty to report that there are no more sheep, and about half our cows are missing.

This morning Miss Winkle took the fourth grade class on a nature outing to view the wetlands. There were ten adults and 50 children on the field trip. Suddenly several lions entered the group and began to carry off children and adults. We lost twelve people, nine of them children.

We are forming a court to judge an individual who committed a violent act against our neighbor lion. Yesterday, while this individual was guarding the water detail, the lion attacked and killed one of our citizens, and Joe the Miller took a tree limb and violently attacked the lion, injuring him seriously. The lion came to us with his complaint and we need to consider what to do about the case. True, Joe was provoked, but we like to think of ourselves as better that that. We must not let our passions provoke us to violence just because there are some neighbors who are not as morally evolved as we are.

We are not able to use violence in punishment of this man’s crime, so we banished Joe from the village. As he was leaving the village, the lion killed him. We understand why the lion did this, and it is a shame that he is not as morally evolved as we are. By the way, we need a new miller. Is there anyone who wants to learn how to operate the village mill?