Live To Tell

Characters

Jeremy is 16. He is a year 12 student, and is having problems dealing with his sexuality. He is suicidal, and often feels like the world would be better off without him.

Jonathon is 17, and is also a student. He is the object of Jeremy's affections, but does not feel the same way in return.

Nicole is 15. She and Jeremy became friends over the internet a year or so before this event. She tries to help Jeremy see the best of things, and is usually successful.

Stephanie is 17, and is supposedly Jeremy's best friend. The two often argue, which causes her to begin to dislike him.

Dave and Amanda are 16 and 17 respectively. They are part of Jeremy's small group of friends. They do not know any of his personality traits, but feel that he doesn't tell them everything.

Setting

Much of the play takes place at Jeremy's school, however some scenes take place in his bedroom in which he spends a lot of his time reflecting upon himself. However, after he leaves home, the scenes involving Nicole take place at Nicole's house, where he stays as relief from his family.

There are also some scenes in which Jeremy is writing a story, that take place outside in the icy cold weather (it is winter at the time). The weather reflects Jeremy's personality - he is cold towards others, and this is shown through his choice of location. His story is rather depressing, which is a true reflection of his own feelings.

Act One

Scene One

It is the first day of the second half of the 2004 school year. Jeremy is walking to school, with a school bag slung over his shoulder.

Jeremy: [Looks at watch.] My god, it's only 8:20am and it's bloody freezing. I'm so damn early.

[He sees Amanda walking in the opposite gate. He walks over to her.]

Amanda: I so don't want to be back at school.

Jeremy: Neither do I, you know? School sucks, it's gonna be another year of hell.

Amanda: Yeah, I know.

Scene Two

It is 8:45am. There is ten minutes until class begins.

Dave: So I'm like, 'He so did /not/ screw her.' Then she's like, 'I'm telling you, he /did/.' Jeremy? [Looks at him.] What's up?

Jeremy: [Looking out the window at Jonathon, who is with a group of friends.] Nothing really. Just don't wanna be back. [Under breath.] I only wanna kill myself, you know?

Amanda: What?

Jeremy: Nothing, never mind. I'm going to English, seeya later.

[Jeremy walks off.]

Scene Three

In English class.

Teacher: Your first task for this year is a creative one. I want you to write about yourself. What you're feeling. What you want. What you think. I want you to write between five thousand and ten thousand words, and it's due on the last day of this term. You can start now.

Jeremy: [Thinking of what to write.] I've got it! [Starts writing.]

I have nothing left to live for. I already feel dead, and I know that I soon will be. I have been becoming steadily more depressed since I realised something about myself - I'm gay. I lie to people every single day in order to divert attention away from me. It is this attention diversion that is having a negative influence on me, since I'm lonely. I have few friends, and even fewer people I hold ultimately close to me.

Almost every day of my life, I feel that if I do something wrong, I'll end up dead. I often try to do that wrong thing, an example being I have tried to commit suicide a number of times. I like the feeling of the blood rushing from my veins. But every time I try, I stop half-way. I have never had the courage to continue. And it only makes me worse off, and anxious.

But some day, I know that I will do what my heart desires and is telling me to do. It wants to pump its last drop of blood out of me, and then stop. Just as my life will when it does.

Amanda: [Glancing at what he wrote.] Oh, my god. Are you really...?

Jeremy: [Quietly.] Yeah. Don't tell anyone. Please?

Scene Four

Jeremy is telling Jonathon how he feels. The two are alone, walking.

Jeremy: [Quietly.] I think there's something you should know.

Jonathon: Hmm? [Puzzled.] What is it?

Jeremy: Well, I really like you. I know that it sounds lame, but I do. I have since year 9.

Jonathon: I don't know what to say. I really don't want to hurt you, but I'm sorry. I can't do it.

Jeremy: No, I'm sorry for being so stupid. I am. [Wants to cry.]

[Jeremy turns around and runs.]

Scene Five

Jeremy has finally gathered the courage to tell his family the truth.

Jeremy: Mum, dad. I'm not who you think I am.- [Is interrupted.]

Dad: Don't tell me. You're a fag aren't you? [Clenches fist.]

Mum: [Is shocked.] I-

Dad: I hate fags. [Punches Jeremy. A sound like cracking eggs is heard as Jeremy's nose begins to fracture.]

Jeremy: [Crying.] I'm sorry for being my fucking self. Go get fucked, I HATE YOU!

[Jeremy runs into his room and falls on his bed, crying. His nose is bleeding, and his face is bruised around his eyes.]

Act Two

Scene One

Jeremy has arranged to stay with Nicole for a while.

Nicole: [Looking at the bruises around Jeremy's left eye.] He tried to break your nose?!!

Jeremy: Yeah. You know, fuck him. I'm better off without him.

Nicole: I guess. How did your mum react?

Jeremy: She didn't even get a chance to speak.

Nicole: Oh. Well, you can stay here for as long as you need to.

Jeremy: Thanks. [Hugs her and cries into her shoulder.] I can't take it anymore though. I just want this shit to stop.

Scene Two

After being absent from school for a week, Jeremy decides to return.

Stephanie: [Seeing Jeremy and noticing the bandage over his nose and the bruises on his face.] What happened to you?

Jeremy: It's nothing.

Stephanie: Bullshit, you got bashed. By who? [Stares at him.]

Jeremy: My stepdad. [Eyes cloud over.] I told him something personal and he hit me because of it.

Stephanie: Oh my god, what an asshole. Don't worry about him.

Jeremy: I'm not, I'm ignoring it like I ignore everything else.

Scene Three

Sitting alone at a table outside, Jeremy continues to write his story.

Jeremy: [Narrating what he is writing.]

I told someone who I considered important to me, my biggest secret. The response wasn't very nice, since he tried to break my nose. Then and there, I realised something, some secrets are best left untold. This is one of them, that I am going to eventually kill someone, be it him or I. I will watch the blood drain onto the ground and I will laugh in my everlasting revengeful sorrow.

I already know that it is more likely to be me than anyone.

[Stephanie sees him and walks over to him. She reads what he wrote.]

Stephanie: Is this true? [Is shocked.] I never thought anything of it.

Jeremy: I know, since I never told you anything about it. But it's true, it will all be over soon enough. Trust me.

Scene Four

Jeremy continues writing.

Jeremy: [Writing.]

I can feel the end drawing near. My emotional barrier and will to keep fighting, is breaking down. I can feel myself becoming weaker and weaker and more unstable. I'm falling into my own reality, a reality that will mark the end of me.

But the funny thing is, I'm looking forward to it. I'm no longer scared of dying. I'm more scared of living, I think. Life is pain, it's just that most of us never realise it. Most of us live in a fantasy in which nothing can go wrong. But for some of us, fantasy is a word that doesn't even exist. For me, my whole life revolves around what I say and don't say. Do and don't do. What I want to happen, which in this case, is nothing.

I just want to have the courage to say that I'm not who people believe I am, that I am a truly bad person. I /am/ a bad person. Even I know this, and no-one can deny it. No-one can possibly say that there is any one good thing about me. But they can laugh at me and make fun of me. I just don't care any more. I don't give a fuck about living any more.

Scene Five

There has been an accident near Jeremy's school. Jonathon is lying on the road, on the verge of death.

Jeremy: [Gazing at the blood splattered on the road. Whispering.] Sorry to say this, but you deserved it.

Stephanie: [Staring at him.] I'm shocked at you.

Jeremy: [Compassionately.] I know, but honestly, I don't care. He really did deserve it. His foolishness destroyed him.

[Jeremy walks off.]

Act Three

Scene One

Jeremy can't take it any more.

Jeremy: [Writing.] The end, is now. I can't keep running away. I can't keep fighting. I can't keep living. I'm giving in to what my heart wants me to do. But I don't want to do it.

First though, I want to thank Nicole for all the good times that we shared. You helped me to be happy, even if it was only for a short time. Even in death, I will never forget you. But I want you to forget about me. I don't want you to be sad because I have to do this. I care about you deeply, but I'm sorry.

Also, Stephanie for helping me through the most recent of situations. I would have been dead sooner if it were not for you.

But now, it's time to go. I've long wanted to understand what death is like, and the time is now. I don't want to put myself through the pain of dying, but it's my last escape from life. I've taken one too many violent blows and one too many depressing events. My sanity now hangs by a thread. There is nothing left of it, and I want to prove that.

Me doing what I am about to do will help me truly understand why I continued to live. I lived to tell the secrets that I kept, the secrets that I now no longer have to hide. I have no reason to hide now, since in a few minutes I will be gone.

I'm sorry that you al had to live through the constant pain that I caused, even though I know that what I am going to do will only make it worse. But my doing this will hopefully help you understand what it's like to be me. So, I'm now saying goodbye. At May 14, 2004 at 12:40pm, which is in about three minutes, I will be dead. I love every single one of you, and I'm sorry. Sorry that your attempts to help me failed. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep living, but it's just too hard. To whoever finds this, I want you to read it. I want you to tell others why. Why I gave up. ~ Jeremy

[He picks up a razor and runs it along his arm. He drops a few drops of blood onto the page. He continues to slash his arm. He falls after about thirty seconds. His arm is mutilated.]

[Fade out to above, Jeremy is lying in a pool of blood. He whispers 'I give up,' repeatedly and his eyes close slowly.]

Scene Two

[Fade into scene.] Jeremy's funeral.

Stephanie: Even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye, Jeremy was one of my best friends. He trusted me, enough to tell me everything about himself. His deepest secrets. The truth. Even though he lied to most everyone, he trusted me enough to tell the truth. Something that is always hidden, through false stories designed to divert suspicion. But really, being trusted is the best feeling in the world.

And if there is only one thing that this saddening event has taught us, it is that we should only do things for ourselves. We should be who /we/ are, individuals. [Sobs lightly and whispers.] I'm sorry. [Louder.] This event can be blamed on some of you, not naming who. You know who you are, and you should be ashamed of yourselves. You destroyed a life, and that's nothing to be proud of. [Even louder.] YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

[Everyone walks away, except Nicole. Play background music of Live To Tell by Madonna.]

Nicole: [Slowly, between sobbing.] I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you through this. But most of all, I'm sorry that I never told you the whole truth. I never told you everything about me, and I think it's too late now. But if there was any way I could change what happened, I would. I'd cry for you, I'd probably even die for you. You were always my best friend.

[She places a single rose on his grave.]

I'm sorry... and I'll never forget you... I promise.

[She walks away. Trail behind her, fade out.]