The Horror Film

9 June 2004 1:59 A.M.

I sit here all alone in front of my computer, memories from past years running through my mind like a scary movie that you can't help but watch. Memories that don't even exist, fears hidden deep inside my heart, jump to the surface and attack me where I'm most vulnerable. The worst thing about it all is I have no protection against myself. I can harden my heart to the words of others and refuse to listen, but I can't ignore myself. In the quiet stillness of the night, my heart is racing and my eyes are filling with hot, salty tears. My heart feels as if someone is stomping on it; I can't breathe. I'm becoming overwhelmed, lost in the emotions, and the stabbing pain in my chest just won't fade. Why do I get myself into this mess? A simple thought crosses my mind and suddenly everything bubbles to the surface. Tears like rain in a storm pour down my face, my sobs echoing like vicious claps of thunder. I've lost control and the only thing to do is wait for the pain to recede. It's adding fuel to the fire for as each moment ticks past I find a new reason for each tear that falls. Finally the teardrops recede and the sobs quiet. I'm left a shivering and sniffling mass of emotions, tear tracks staining my face, my eyes red and puffy. A shudder passes through my body, and I still find it hard to breathe. Rather than feel at peace, my heart feel shattered, the pieces like glass incapable of being put back together. I'm left to my pain until such a time as someone will come to heal it all. Until then, I sit here all alone in front of my computer and wait for them, allowing the memories from the past to run through my mind. It's the horror film you're scared to watch, but can't help to tune into. The horror film of me.