Well, since I'm bored, I'm gonna WRITE SOMETHING! This something is... THE ADVENTURES OF LONGHAIR! And it's about ME, LONGHAIR! And the end of all of these sentences is in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! It's REALLY FREAKY! I think I'll stop DOING IT! OKAY!

BTW, anything in parentheses is an A\N... A/N... author's note, whatever. JUST REMEMBER THAT.

Today's chapter: THE FIRST ADVENTURE OF LONGHAIR!

"Longhair! Today begins your first adventure!" said the mystical fairy king of Fairyworldtopia.

"Who are you? And why are you here?" said Longhair. He was watching the Discovery Channel. Why? Cause he likes Mythbusters. That's a good show.

"I'm the mystical fairy king of Fairyworldtopia." said Whats-his-name of Wherever-hes-from. "Shall I tell you where your first adventure is?"

"Fairyworldtopia? That's redundant..." said Longhair. "Anyway, to answer your question, no, because I don't wanna do or learn anything in the first 4 lines of this story."

"But you learned my name, where I'm from, and that you have an adventure today." replied the fairy whos-it.

"THOSE DON'T COUNT!" said Longhair. He turned off the TV. Mythbusters was over. "I answered your question, so get out of here. Come back when I feel like it!"

"But I won't know when you feel like it!" said the King of Tow... er... Fairyworldtopia.

"Exactly!" said Longhair, pushing the fairy king out the wall (fairies can go through walls, I think).

THE NEXT DAY...

"HEY, NOT YET! I STILL NEED TO WATCH TV AGAIN!" exclaimed Longhair.

Sorry, sorry. Longhair turned the TV back on and watched another episode of Mythbusters. Then the clock struck 12. 12 struck back. A major fistfight began. The clock won. GO CLOCK GO! GO CLOCK GO!

"Shut up, Phoenix." said Longhair.

Don't call me Phoenix.

"I'll call you what I want, Fernandez." said Longhair. Longhair's being an idiot, so I'm gonna kill him and revive him in 12 hours.

"GAK!" said Longhair. He died. Yay.

12 HOURS AND 12 MINUTES LATER (and possibly 12 seconds, as well)...

Damn, I'm 12 minutes (and possibly 12 seconds, as well) late! Longhair comes back from the dead.

"Finally! I thought I was never gonna get revived!" said Longhair. Now that that's over with, the fairy gaylord of comes back.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!" said the obviously gay fairy woman of Chinatown. "AND NEITHER IS THAT!" Well, your name sucks, fairy princess of Swan Lake. "You gave me the name!" Actually, no I didn't. Bill Clinton did, Mr. Frodo. "DON'T CALL ME MR. FRODO! Save it for a LOTR fanfic." Okay, sure, whatever. Anyway, the fairy cupholder of MyMomsCarVille is back, and he must ask Litigation Jackson the question again.

"The question?" asked Thomas the Tank Engine of Railroadland.

"What?" asked I-Can't-Think-Of-A-New-Name Yiddishman.

"I mean, can I tell you where your first adventure is?" the fairy lawyer of the land of Court asked once again.

"Sure, go ahead, it's been enough lines." said Canadian rap superstar 75 Cent.

"Okay, Longhair... your first adventure is located at the house of the evil EX-GIRLFRIENDS!" said the fairy explorer Chris Christoffercolumbus.

"BUT I MIGHT SEE MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS THERE!!!" said a guy who's clearly never had a girlfriend in his life (not truuuuuue!).

"True, but that's where your first adventure is. NOW GO, before I turn you into Michael Jackson." said Elladan. At that point, someone claiming to be hyperactive forever... no wait, that's her name... anyway, she ran in and took Elladan to the land of the mystical gay ninja hobbits (you didn't copyright MYSTICAL gay ninja hobbits! ha!).

Shorthair pondered this strange cameo, then went outside to look for the house of the evil EX-GIRLFRIENDS! Yes, EX-GIRLFRIENDS! has to be capitalized with an exclamation point after it. It's the law.

Wiseman Krakowsky (I'm running out of names!!!) eventually found the house of the evil EX-GIRLFRIENDS! It was next door to the house of the NOT EVIL EX-GIRLFRIENDS! It seemed obvious at first, but Oscar Meyer questioned the design plans for his suburban town.

Longhair (original name, finally) went into the house, singing the Oscar Meyer song.

"My balogna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R, my balogna has a second name, it's M-E-Y-E-R! SING IT WITH ME! MY BALOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME, IT'S O-CRAP!" sang Longhair. The O-CRAP part he said when he saw the evil EX-GIRLFRIENDS!

The evil EX-GIRLFRIENDS! were evil... uh... EX-GIRLFRIENDS! who came to the house after they left their boyfriends. Longhair pulled out a gun that I gave him about 7 seconds ago. House of the Dead, initiate!

ONE EXTRAORDINARILY VIOLENT SCENE LATER...

"Man, riots in this town happen more and more often everyday." said Longhair, as he looked outside at the countless numbers of dead bodies. "Now back to the House of the Dead, initiate! thing you said earlier, Amarillo Dave."

ANOTHER EXTRAORDINARILY VIOLENT SCENE LATER...

"Well, that was a beautiful adventure!" said Longhair, as he looked inside at the countless numbers of dead bodies. Suddenly, the fairy wastebasket of the Trump Tower came back to talk to Longhair. Initiate random name sequence!

"Speaker-Phone Jenkins." said the fairy pistachio that lives on my TV.

"What do you want?" said Speaker-Phone.

"I came to tell you something. That something is... Your adventure has only just begun!" said the godlike fairy endtable.

"You mean Sporkalific Joe has to write more about me?" said the main character of Doom.

"Yes, he does." said yo momma. Wait... I DON'T WANNA WRITE MORE ABOUT HIM! I ALREADY WROTE... LIKE... A BUNCH OF WORDS! I DON'T WANNA WRITE MORE! "Too bad, Joe Momma. Pokey's got more things to do." Aw...

"Like what?" said Mr. Bland.

"Like you gotta run over to the mystical land of Gondola, save the fanfic authors from the evil Home Starrunner (yes, cheap pun), and eventually get lei'd in Hawaii." said the Grape Fairy.

"Awesome! I've always wanted to get lei'd!" said Prancibald.

"So get to it! Gondola is behind your house!" said the ghost of Ray Charles.

"How convenient!" said Longhair, finally ending my little random name thing.

Longhair flew (his hair allows him to fly!) over to the mystical land of Gondola. Whoosh! "That's not a good sound effect." Shut up. Anyway, he arrives at Gondola and is greeted by, again, the mystical, magical WORLD OF DIS... I mean the fairy goth of Hell. Or something.

"Welcome to Gondola!" said tiny-handed Strong Bad.

"How'd you get here so fast?" asked Armolas (I made a cheap Legolas pun! go me!).

"I have ties to the Mafia. Plus the little aliens who have sex teleported me here." said the obviously perverted fairy... whatever.

"You've seen them too!?" exclaimed Charles the Butler. "I thought I was the only one!"

"Yes, I've seen them too. Now, you must go through a gauntlet to get to the evil... what was his name again? Oh yes, Luke Skywalker." Suddenly, George Lucas comes and sues the fairy guy, and he's taken to court. George Lucas wins and the fairy's sent to a special fairy jail. Longhair decides to ignore this and go through the gauntlet.

"Welcome to the Gauntlet! We've got fun and games!" sang a strange voice.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S AXL ROSE!" exclaimed Longhair, as he RAN AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Of course, he ran into the Gauntlet, avoiding every trap and enemy that got in his way.

"Man, people just keep making fun of Axl!" thought Longhair.

Longhair finally made it out of the dungeon. "Gauntlet." Rump roast, whatever. He saw the fanfic authors, and HOME STARRUNNER!

"So, you must be Longhair!" said Home Starrunner.

"No, I'm the king of Ukraine. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!?" said Longhair.

"Um... the king of Ukraine?"

"CLOSE ENOUGH! WE MUST DUEL!"

"What's a doo-ell?"

"...I mean duel."

"Oh! I know what that is! Sure, I'll doo-ell you!"

Starrunner and Longhair then dueled. Of course, in every fanfic, the hero wins. NOT THIS TIME!

"YES! I WON!" exclaimed Longhair... wait, I thought you were the hero! "I am the hero!" Then why'd you win? "I don't know." But I said the hero wasn't gonna win! "Oh, right, that. Starrunner thought he was the hero. So he forfeited." Oh, okay, whatever.

So, the fanfic authors were saved. Now it's time for Longhair to go to Hawaii, where he'll get lei'd!

Longhair flew over to Hawaii and got lei'd 10 seconds after he arrived, which marks the end of this adventure.

"Tune in sometime in the near future for another one of Longhair's adventures!" said Longhair, addressing himself in the third person.

(next chapter/adventure coming out on Wednesday! don't miss it! and I'll answer your reviews on Wednesday, too)