A typical looking living room, Frank and Louise (an older couple, somewhat resembling Archie and Edith Bunker) sit in armchairs with newspapers.

Louise: (not looking up from her paper) Frank get your feet off the coffee table.

Frank: (insulted, putting down his paper) How do you know I have my feet on the coffee table!?

Louise: (still not looking up) You do it every night.

Frank: Well for your information, I didn't tonight.

Louise: Then you were about to.

Frank: Whether I was going to or not is not an issue, I didn't, and you wrongfully accused me!

(A knock)

Louise: Go answer the door.

Frank: This isn't over! (walks over to door, opens, four men in dark brown uniforms stand on the other side. One of them steps in.)

General: (speaking politely in a German accent) Goot evenink sir, ve have just come to commandeer your house.

Frank: What!?

(The other three soldiers begin to enter, taking seats on the throw rug, lighting cigars and beginning to play cards as the scene progresses)

General: Ve do not vish to be an inconvenience to you, kind sir, ve just require a place to stay tonight.

Louise: (still not looking up, to Frank) Who is it, Frank?

Frank: It's a bunch of Nazis, they're taking our house.

Louise: Tell them we're not interested.

General: (laughing good naturedly) Ve are not Nazis, ve are simply- -

Frank: Well I assumed, by the uniforms. . .

General: (losing his composure, he shouts, his eyes bugging out) YOU ARE IGNORANT, AMERICAN PIG!

Frank: I'm sorry, I just- -

General: (pulls gun, screams) SIE BESCHULDIGEN MICH NICHT, SCHWEIN! (Frank puts his hands up and backs quickly away. General slowly calms down, puts away his gun) I am terribly sorry for that, kind sir. . .

One of the men on the floor: Yahtzee!

Another man: Ve are playink Old Maid. Yahtzee is mit dice dumkompf.

(Another knock)

Frank: I'll get that.

General: (pulling gun again) NEIN! (realizing his mistake, regaining composure) I shall be answering the door tonight. . . you just go relax, maybe eat the American hot dog, yes? (goes to door, looks out of peephole, then opens it) What do you want?

Salesman: I'm with AllCare Insurance, and we're- -

General: (pulling gun) ARE YOU A SPY!?

Salesman: No sir, I simply want to show you some- -

General: FOR THE GLORY OF THE THIRD REICH! (fires several shots into the salesman. He falls dead.) Ach. . . got in himmel. . .

Frank: (rising again from his armchair) Oh my God. . .

General: Concern yourself not with this! (to his men) Kerschweller! Heizenz! Come help me mit digging of shallow grave! Schloedenhoffer, stay here und guard the American swine! (to Frank) All is okie dokie. A OK. Go Red Sox! (with two of his mens' help he grabs the body and hauls it out the door. Frank stares wide eyed.)

Louise: What nice boys.

Schloedenhoffer: SCHLIESSEN SIE IHRE FAULE ÖFFNUNG!

(long pause)

Frank: So, uh. . . would you like a drink?

Shloedenhoffer: MEIN VATER LIEBTE MICH NICHT!

Frank: . . .ok.

Several shots are heard from outside. General runs frantically back into the door.

General: INTO DER KITCHEN! JETZT! JETZT!

One of the men backs into the doorway, firing his handgun outside.

General: GEHEN SIE! JETZT!

Frank: . . .is there something- -

General: EVERYTHING IS FINE! NOBODY IS IN DANGER!

All three run into the kitchen door on the opposite side of the stage. Frank is breathing very heavily.

Louise: (still not looking up) Gonna rain tomorrow. . .

Two American soldiers run in from outside carrying rifles.

Soldier: THAT DOOR! MOVE! MOVE!

(both run through living room into the kitchen doors. Shots are heard from offstage. After a moment, all shots cease, one soldier comes back in.)

Soldier: I am terribly sorry about the mess in your kitchen. (walks out the outside door, closing it behind him.)

Looooooooong pause.

Frank: I did NOT put my feet on that coffee table!