The smoke curled around us,
Blanketing us in a chronic haze
That wouldn't dissipate
No matter how many times I waved it away.
He kissed me once,
Then twice,
Then another time for good measure
And told me
He was glad I understood.
But what, exactly, did I understand?
I said that I would be there;
So I sat with him when he was flying,
Too far gone to feel anything,
And I waited for him to come back down.
When he tried to cut the pain out,
I bandaged his hurts
And kissed them until they were all better.
I was trapped
Within this numbing, unending cycle,
Learning to feel his pain
And to recognize his hatred and his anger.
I could feel myself disappearing;
My life, slowly fading away
Along with the last remains of my sense of self-worth.
And I spent every fucking moment
Of every fucking day
Telling him that I understood.
But by the time I realized that I was fake,
Lying to myself
In hopes that I could save him,
It was too late to say "I'm sorry."
Now I'm flying;
I'm too far gone to feel anything,
And there's no one who will sit with me
Until I come back down.
So who will help me now?
....Who will understand me?....