incurable attraction

this is your definition of summer
days spent together
alternating drenched and parched in the sunlight
i think i loved you for it
the way you said it: our summer
it is so odd that i believed you.

it could never have worked  
we pretended it was all right but you didn’t know
about nights exhausted cold and lonely
don’t let the razors bite, you would have said laughing (if you knew)
and gone on pretending .

i locked all my secrets up and forgot the combination on deadly purpose
don’t tell me after all these years that you knew
and still it’s carved in my heart. all too distinctly you did know
you understood and did nothing (absolutely nothing).

in the summer
for days you made me forget the hours shattered by silence
that seemed to follow me wherever i went
incurably attracted to me somehow
(the way you never were)
lethal for me but never for you.

you never told me why you left
just that summer was over
that it was time to move on
before you were gone you held me and told me i would never be alone again.
you’re a good liar.

i don’t know how it happened but you’re somehow here with me
(am i imagining your arms around my shoulders?) but maybe i’m just
too far gone because after all i never really was that sane
(neither were you).

maybe this is
just your own forever
your own definition of eternity and it’s testing my sanity
(but i’m really not so sure.)